Tag: reality

And I’d Know

You think yourself

Some fucking big shot

But really,

Is that all you’ve got?

‘Cause if what you’re giving

Is truly your best

Then you’re no bigger

Than all the rest

4

Shadows

They say

You are

No longer here

But I see you

Clear as day

I hear you

Talking

In your sleep

As I while

The hours away

They want me

To think

It can’t be true

That I’m mad

And must take

A pill

But I know you

Will never leave

And I am not

Mentally ill

4

Piecemeal

As the punches roll

Time takes it’s toll

And I lose more

And more

Each day

I can’t be wrong

Thinking

It won’t be long

Before I fully

Fade away

0

At Daggers Drawn

As another sun sets

On our argument

My stomach

Is still in bits 

Because of all the things

We could’ve been 

I never thought

That we’d be this

0

Cognito

Now that all

The talking’s done

And those strategies

Have been deployed

It is time to face

The reality

I’ve tried so hard

To avoid

2

Take My Advice

If you find my words too dreary
Then just scroll on, my dear
‘Cause if you are looking for cheery
There’s nothing for you here

2

Just Another Chore

Let’s make love tonight

He said

Until we reach

The heights of heaven

Just fucking stick it in

She said

I’ve got to be up

At seven

8

Stark

Sometimes,

As a writer,

All that you can do

Is to drop

The flowery language

And just tell

The fucking truth

In Memoriam

There is nothing

Left to do

There isn’t anything

Else to say

I just really

Fucking miss him

Every single day

Xxx

(Originally Posted 25.02.2022)

4

Riposte

And when you’ve had

Your own itch scratched

I’ll be left there alone

Lying in the wet patch

Lies Men Tell

Just
close
your
eyes
and
count
to ten

I’ll
take
you to
heaven
and
back
again

(Originally Posted 25.01.2020)

2

Devastating

Washing your hands

Checking the locks

Labelling your cans

Sorting your socks

You call them all

Your ‘OCD’

But you’ve got no idea

What it really means

All The 8’s

And so it begins

The incessant counting

The overthinking

The fear mounting

That impending doom

Will certainly strike

If I do not get

This pattern right

(Originally Posted 25.01.2021)

6

Considered

I know when I

Use the word ‘cunt’

To some people it’s

An awful affront

So I’d never use it

As a simple diss

Instead I reserve it

For those who it fits

Leopards

Just
because
now

You
taunt
me from
afar

You’re
still
a cunt

And you
know
you are

(Originally Posted 24.01.2020)

8

It’ll Never Happen

If only there

Was a way

To make the dream

A reality

But any hope of that

Was cruelly dashed

When you upped

And left me

Nocturnal Naughtiness

You
were
in my
dreams
last night

We
kissed
longingly
by the
fire

And
although
I woke
with
contented
delight

It
didn’t
quite
quench
my desire

(Originally Posted 08.01.2020)

2

I’ll Be Okay

A tale of love

Unrequited,

Ever so sad

Yet I’m secretly

Delighted

To have experienced it.

Otherwise,

How would I have known?

‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’

It’s not you

It’s not me

It’s just the way

It has to be

(Originally Posted 21.11.2020)

6

Better Than Nothing

I used to think

When I was a kid

I can’t wait to live by myself

I will do

Whatever I want

Take my opportunity to rebel

But there’s another side

To living alone

When you no longer have another

To share your home

What I never envisaged

All those years ago

Was that my only company now

Would be the radio

Home Alone

It’s Friday night

And I’m here alone

In this house

We used to call home

There’s nothing left now

Just an empty shell

With only me here

Living through hell

(Originally Posted 20.09.2019)

13

Timidity

I know that here I come across

As someone who speaks their mind

But in reality

Words can often fail me

And my voice is much harder to find

The Jumble Sale

I rummage around inside my head as I search for what to say

But my silence means all you hear is I don’t want you to stay

I rummage around inside my head as I look down to the floor

But my silence means all you hear is I don’t love you anymore

What is painfully sad for both of us is neither of these things are true

But the jumble sale of words in my head prevents me from being honest with you

(Originally Posted 28.07.2019)

7

Figments

I often wonder

Reading back

Just who these people are

As their conversations

And confrontations

Make up some of my best work by far

Help Me

I never used to be like this

She said

I actually used to be brave

What was it that happened to you

He asked

So much so that you would cave

The world happened

She replied

But you wouldn’t understand

Why don’t you try me

He implored

As he reached for her hand

(Originally Posted 19.07.2019)

6

Hyperbole

If only this one

Was the truth bar none

And I had such a steadfast allure

But in reality

This could never be me

As I am all too easily ignored

Push And Pull

Love me
or
loathe me

You’ll
never
escape me

So why
would
you even
try

Kiss me
or
kill me

You will
always
want me

So there’s
no point
in saying
goodbye

(Originally Posted 06.07.2019)

6

Falling Short

The reality

That is me

Rarely lives up

To the promise

That is why

I will always hide

If I am

Brutally honest

Fervour

I have written

All the words I need

Now I just have to press send

But as my finger hovers

I am scared

That our time together

Will end

(Originally Posted 10.05.2020)

2

Draining The Glass

Yet the fantasy

That promises so much

Rarely delivers

In the end

IPA

Beer

Bridging the great divide
between dreams and reality

Since 1993

(Originally Posted 26.04.2019)

11

Where Else?

I know

It comes across

Like I am rapacious

Between the sheets

But believe me

When I say

My tongue is firmly

In my cheek

31

Headfuckery

I dreamt
About you
This afternoon
For only
The second time

Then
As I woke up
The silence sent
It’s shivers
Down my spine

Xxx

8

Mirage

We meet again

And my heart soars

But only in my dreams

Then my heart breaks

All over again

To find all is not as it seems

6

Fuck You Death

Fuck you death

She said

You really don’t scare me

That’s what you all say

He said

But through your lies I see

25

‘It’s still early days…’

I wake up with Harry the cat walking over my face. Fuck, is my first thought. It’s Saturday.

Saturdays have become the most difficult day since you’ve gone. Saturdays mean at least forty hours must pass before I can go to work and have something to distract my mind from this impenetrable sadness. I count the days in my head. Thirteen weeks. You died thirteen weeks ago today.

I push Harry off the bed and turn onto my side. I pull the duvet around my neck and scrunch up my eyes, trying to block out the daylight seeping in from the window. If I can just go back to sleep, even for a little while, at least I won’t have to face being alone with my thoughts. I try hard to think of nice things and to drift off back to sleep.

Of course, it is to no avail. Apart from the fact that my toes are poking out from the bottom of the bed and are in danger of being shred to ribbons by a predatory Harry: I need a piss.

With a heavy sigh I sit up. Carefully, keeping the duvet around my neck to ward off the impending chill, I hunt around the bed for the remote control and turn on the TV. I’m amazed at how reliant I have become on this screen. It’s on more often than off now – the inane chatter of random talk shows preferable to the otherwise morbid silence.

When Harry’s cute (but really fucking annoying) meowing finally becomes too much to bear, I haul myself out of bed. Pulling on yesterdays t-shirt and joggers from the floor I walk through to the kitchen. Harry weaves in and out of my legs causing a near catastrophe more than once. I look in his dish – little bastard still has half a meal left from last night. There was no need for him to wake me up at all.

He’s a poor wee thing though. He’s been finding it hard too, since you died. He doesn’t like being alone much either. I top up his food and water bowl and he tucks in appreciatively. I give him a pat and head to the bathroom.

As I move my hands in and out of the tap water I examine my face in the mirror. Just look at the fucking state of me. At thirty eight I’m not exactly in the prime of my life, but still, really?! This is what I look like now? Jesus.

My hair is greying, my face is blotchy and bloated and my eyes are like piss holes in the snow. Thankfully my clothes hide the worst of the scarred, stretch marked, cellulite ridden body I know fine well I live in. To have to look at that this morning would really push me over the edge.

I go back to the bedroom and jump back into bed. As I get comfortable Harry comes to join me, settling on top of the duvet for cuddles. At least I have him I think. It’s better than no one, and I’ll take all the friends I can get right now. I need them since you died.

I reach for my other friend – a cigarette – and I am momentarily soothed as the nicotine rushes through my blood stream.

I consider getting up, getting dressed and going in to town to buy some shit I neither want or can afford. It’s how I’ve tried to fill the gap, since you died.

I remember it hasn’t worked the last two Saturday’s, so there’s no point trying again today. I set the TV to put itself to sleep in half an hour and settle back down again. I pull the duvet around my neck and close my eyes – Harry still purring away beside me.

The days news is burbling away in the background. Some cold and unfeeling male voice is revealing that, apparently, five people in China have died from a mystery illness. Definitely best not to go out today then. I drift off into a restless sleep.

I wake up with Harry the cat walking over my face. Fuck, is my first thought. It’s still Saturday…

(Originally Posted 03.03.2019)

17

‘You Won’t Know Until You Try…’

Should
we
accidentally
meet

On that
busy,
bustling
street

Would
the birds
above us
tweet

As our
hearts
skip a
beat?

Or would I just blether on a whole heap of shite because I’m clinically depressed and unable to formulate a meaningful conversation with anyone of the opposite sex since my partner died so you just give up trying to listen and walk away thinking who the fuck was that lunatic and happily go about the rest of your life whilst I retreat back to my house wondering why the fuck I even bothered going out in the first fucking place?

38

Sleepless Nights

As
I lie
here
broken

And
thinking
of
you

I
wish
there
was a
way

To
hide
from
the
truth

But
I’ll
never
forget

What
we
went
through

All the
blood,
tears
and
sweat

We
lost
in that
room

13

Locked Down

I
don’t
know
about
you

But
I can
certainly
say
for
me

That
this
is
definitely
not

Like
I thought
it
would
be

10

Sleep Well?

I dreamt
I was
pulling
little
red
spiders,
from
deep
inside
my nose.

Why we
were
drinking
absinthe
before
bed,
who
the
fuck
knows!

17

Little Sister

I am not
who you
think I am

So please
don’t look
up to me

If you
only knew
the truth

You’d cut
down our
family tree

5

Best TV Show Ever

I remember
watching this,

The first
time around.

When I
was young,

And
fearless,

And my energy
knew no bounds.

I thought I
could be anyone,

And achieve all
of my dreams.

But twenty five
years later,

I know This Life is
not what it seems.

8

Nocturnal Naughtiness

You
were
in my
dreams
last night

We
kissed
longingly
by the
fire

Although
I woke
with a
painful
fright

It
didn’t
quite
quench
my desire

5

The Rescuer

We can
leave
together,

He
said,

I promise
I’ll look
after you.

When
will you
grow up,

She
said,

You poor
misguided
fool.

11

Something Old / Something New

I wandered lonely as a cloud

Screaming the words fuck you out loud

As, like the night, she walked in beauty

I wished someone would just come along and shoot me

As I, in the wood, took the road less travelled

I sat and cried as my mind unravelled

And as we talked between the rooms

I closed my eyes and succumbed to the fumes

13

Afternoons

Once again
it’s that
time of day

Do I get
out of bed
or stay

Here all
afternoon
and wonder

Why our
hearts were
torn asunder

4

The Lamp

I should
have been
more careful
with what
I wished for

Because
I never
wanted it
to end like
this at all

10

Temple Bar

The hordes gather outside your hotel window.

Laughing,

Joking,

Having fun.

You wish you had the guts to be more like them.

Prettier,

Funnier,

More confident.

Instead you’re sitting in here alone with the curtains drawn.

With nothing but your ‘I Hate People’ badge for company.

9

Depression (Part 2)

Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink shit loads of booze

Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore

Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed

Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known

3

The Struggle

When you see me, you see the finished article.

Washed, dressed, hair in place, make up on and a smile on my face.

But you don’t see what it takes to get there.

You don’t see me trying to muster the strength to open my eyes in the morning.

You don’t see me forcing my weary bones out of bed.

You don’t see me berating myself as I sob in the shower.

You don’t see me looking in the mirror as I question whether or not today is the day.

You don’t see me wracked with indecision on what to wear.

You don’t see me soothing my pain as I twist and pull out my hair.

You don’t see me apply make up in the hope it makes me disappear.

You don’t see me riddled with anxiety as I lurk in the doorway.

You don’t see me breathing deeply before finally pushing open the office door.

When you see me, you see the finished article.

But just because you don’t see the struggle, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

Just because you see me smile, it doesn’t mean it’s real.

How I look, is not how I feel.

18

Cruelty

In a perfect world,

There is someone for everyone.

You meet each other.

You fall in love.

And you stay together,

Forever.

Ours, however, is a cruel world.

There is someone for everyone,

But you might never meet them.

You might never fall in love.

And you might not stay together,

Forever.

Because they might die,

Before you do.

Then, you’re fucked.

0

IPA

Beer…

maintaining the great divide
between dreams and reality…

since 1993.

0

Indecision

It's a long way to the bottom
from all the way up here.

As I stand and shiver 
I can't help but think...

What happens if I change my mind
halfway down?
0

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