Now Made Of Stone

To think I was ever

This pathetic

Leaves me

Open mouthed

And aghast

It certainly took

Some toughening up

But at least now

That nonsense

Has passed


My Dark Heart

Although
my descent
into
madness

Has
torn
my soul
apart

Underneath
all of
this
sadness

I’m still
a romantic
at heart

(Originally Posted 22.02.2020)

Re-traumatisation Is Re-al

You can stop

Telling me

That it helps

To talk about

This shit

As you have

No notion

Of why

I’ve chosen

To keep

A lid on it


The Shrink

The
pain
is
buried
so
deep

She
said

I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
re-surface

Then
we
should
leave
it
where
it is

He
said

Breaking
your
heart
(again)
isn’t
worth
it

(Originally Posted 21.02.2020)

Resourceful

Don’t

Underestimate

Those who

Are damaged

As we’ll

Always find

A way

To manage


Stand Well Back

I’ve
never
thought
of myself
as strong

But I
suppose
I have
stuck
it out
this
long

Although
somewhat
broken,
bloodied
and
bruised

I’m
very
much
still
here
to light
the fuse

(Originally Posted 02.02.2020)

Defiant

It may have been me

Who was the one

That was strong enough

For two

But the person I was

The most proud of

In the end

Was you

Xxx


With Me

Your
words
tattooed
on my
brain

Forever

A reminder
of facing
that
pain

Together

(Originally Posted 18.01.2020)

Survival

This
ain’t
my first
rodeo

And it
won’t
be my
last

As
there’s
always a
change

I
can
undergo

To
keep
myself
intact


‘And The Academy Award Goes To…’

You’re
no fun
anymore

He
said

What
happened
to you
my friend?

I was
never
fun
before

She
said

All of
that
was
just
pretend

(Originally Posted 14.12.2020)

Better Off Alone

Why don’t you come over

He said

And spend time with me today

Because I’m better off alone

She said

I’ve learned that the hard way


Power

I’ve walked
along
this road
before

Feeling
lonely
and
insecure

At least
this time
I know
for sure

You
cannot
hurt me
anymore

(Originally Posted 11.08.2019)

When Pushed

I actually love sassy me

I just wonder where she went

As I really only see her

At times of hostility and torment


Undefeated

You might
not be
speaking
to me

But I know
you’re
speaking
about me

That
means
I win

(Originally Posted 10.08.2019)

Rising Above

Nobody ever did throw that lifeline

So I learned to swim on my own

It was better that way

Than to wait for the day

When I wouldn’t be alone


Loving You…

Feels like I’ve been thrown
Into the loch
The freezing water
Sucking me down
With no one on land
To throw me a lifeline

(Originally posted 03.03.2019)

If You Like

Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again

Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand

Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care

Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)

Taken

I can bear most things in life

But it kills me every time

To know no matter what I do

You’ll still never be mine

High Maintenance

I’m not looking for just anyone

For not just anyone will do

It’ll take someone superhuman

To survive what I’ll put them through

Thick Skin

There’s
that
old
phrase

‘Least
said,
soonest
mended’

Well
please
feel
free

To say
what you
want
to me

I’ll
never
be
offended

Stand Well Back

I’ve
never
thought
of myself
as strong

But I
suppose
I have
stuck
it out
this
long

Although
somewhat
broken,
bloodied
and
bruised

I’m
very
much
still
here
to light
the fuse

Tooth And Nail

I don’t care
who you are

Or if you think
you’re right

You will not get
the best of me

For I’ll never
give up this fight

A Glimmer Of Hope

I wish
it was
different
for you

She
said

And things
didn’t have
to be
this way

Don’t
you
worry
about me

He
said

I’m sure
I’ll live
to fight
another day

Resilience

I’m glad
you see
her good
side

And can
block out
her bad

But I
have to
trust my
instinct

As it’s
all I’ve
ever had

Hidden

There’s
so much
of me

You
never
see

So many
things
I do

That are
hidden
from view

I know you
won’t believe
it’s true

But it’s
my way of
protecting you

The Meaning of Life

Half laughing at some shit joke

Badly told by some prick you can't stand

One eye trained on the nearest exit

But too scared to take your hand

And run

 

Blythswood Square

She remembers she is hungry. She shoves a hand inside the leg of her boot.

Nothing.

She finds herself in Blythswood Square. The shadowy figure approaches her, but she is not afraid. It’s the fourth one tonight.

‘Twenty quid with’ she replies, ‘Twenty five without’.

She leads him down the darkened alley. Still, she is not afraid. He won’t last. They never do.

She reaches for the tissues from her pocket and wipes between her legs. She drops them to the ground as she slides the twenty pound note down into her boot. She puts the fiver inside her bra.

She strides down to Queen Street Station and pays the fifty pence to use the loo. It feels good to wash the stains from her body.

She ambles back up towards Sauchiehall Street to her favourite take away. She eats two slices of pizza with extra jalapenos, hoping to burn the taste of the men from her throat.

She stands outside, smokes a cigarette, and wonders what to do. She trudges back towards Blythswood Square.

Just two more, she thinks. Two more and I can go home.

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