"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
No matter how hard you strive
To keep a memory alive
They’re always forgotten
In the end
At All
I reach
for your hand,
but it’s not there,
and further into
the abyss
I fall.
I search
for your face,
but you don’t care,
and it’s like we
were never here
at all.
(Originally Posted 20.06.2019)
‘Why are you so sarcastic all the time?’
‘Cause it stops me killing people – including myself’
– Tony
I wrote this one
On a train
Unhappy with life
Once again
Insides
Another grey sky.
Another bleak landscape.
Another version of me.
Looking out,
Looking in.
(Originally Posted 04.06.2019)
Crying in the chapel
Many years ago
Missing you intently
And wishing it wasn’t so
Granite
I wish
you were
with me
Gently
squeezing
my hand
Providing
me with
comfort
Helping me
understand
(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)
Only a year ago
This one
And still no better than when I started
Sometimes I fear
There’ll never be an end
To feeling so broken hearted
The End Of The Road
Pretending gets tiring
After a while
So in the end you stop
With no cylinders left firing
And an inibility to smile
It’s back up to that rooftop
(Originally Posted 13.05.2021)
So I suppose
This is the part
Where you say hello
And break my heart
All Good Things
So
I
suppose
This
is the
part
Where
you say
goodbye
And
break my
heart
(Originally Posted 04.05.2020)
As if all I do
Is wander around
And weep into the rain
When I really feel blue
To my bed I am bound
As that is my real domain
Grey Days
I love
walking
on grey days
The raindrops
land on my face
and mingle with
my tears
Hiding them
from prying
eyes
(Originally Posted 02.05.2019)
It hurts almost as much
To see how sad I was
As it does
To remember you
Reminders
It’s when it comes from nowhere,
that’s the worst.
The hysterical sobs that hit without warning.
When I’m driving and our song comes on the radio.
When a letter arrives and it’s addressed to you.
When I find a pair of your socks in my drawer.
My throat constricts,
as my lungs compress.
My stomach lurches,
as my heart laments.
And my eyes burn as I drown, slowly, in my own tears.
(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)
Head in pain
Lying out in the rain
Wondering how
I’ll ever love again
NFA
If home
is where
the heart is,
then I’m
currently
of no
fixed abode.
(Originally Posted 15.04.2019)
Still here
Still pretending
Still living
With grief unending
Sick & Tired
And
so
begins
another
day
Where
I pretend
every
thing
is ok
If
only
there
was
another
way
As I
hate
being
such a
fucking
cliché
(Originally Posted 14.04.2020)
It’s sad to think
I was on the brink
With thoughts so dark
Back then
At least now
I feel better, somehow
So won’t need that knife
Again
Cards On The Table
So this is
what it
amounts to
All I have
to show for
my life
Do you
know
I can’t
actually
be arsed
Please,
just pass me
the knife
(Originally Posted 26.03.2020)
I have since toiled
Without that guide
Pasting my heart
With water and flour
I just have to hope
It continues to hold
Though it’s looking less likely
By the hour
My Heart
My heart is smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.
I don’t have the glue to put it back together.
And I lost the instruction manual years ago.
(Originally Posted 14.03.2019)
And still your agony continues
In difference to me
She continues to linger on
Whilst he’s already been set free
Foreboding
It’s all just so wrong
This shouldn’t be happening to you
Not as it hasn’t been that long
Since it happened to me too
I’m not sure how to act
And I’m not sure what to say
For there’s nothing that can take the pain
Of what’s to come away
(Originally Posted 06.03.2020)
There is nothing
Left to do
There isn’t anything
Else to say
I just really
Fucking miss him
Every single day
Xxx
Trudging through this half a life
Really just subsisting
Knowing I’d be
Better off dead
Than merely just existing
‘Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you
Tell me goodbye
Don’t you take it so hard now
And please don’t take it so bad
I’ll still be thinkin’ of you
And the times we had, baby’
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I hope those chocolates
Fucking choke you
Twenty two years
Just me and you
Sitting on the sofa
With wine and food
But it’s not to be
As you’re three years gone
So any romance today
Just feels wrong
Xxx
It was easier when I was angry
When I was filled with hate
When I wanted nothing more
Than your head on a plate
It’s harder now I’m ‘better’
As the bitterness subsides
For all I have been left with
Is this hollowness inside
‘And if you’re in love
Then you are the lucky one
‘Cause most of us are bitter
Over someone
Setting fire to our insides for fun
To distract our hearts
From ever missing them
But I’m forever missing him
And you caused it…’
Don’t bother asking me
As I will only say no
I’m only drinking
To stop me thinking
So I’ll just buy my own
There is no substitution
For what we had
Looking for it again
Will only drive me mad
‘Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.’
– Mineko Iwasaki
I don’t know
If I can forgive you
For all the pain
And hurt
It’s not that we
Can’t be friends now
But more I don’t think
We ever were
‘All that was good,
All that was fair,
All that was me is gone.’
– Robert Louis Stevenson
“New year, new me”
Is that what you want me to say?
Well, I’m not pretending
I’ll get a happy ending
Just like any other Friday
I’m going to be happy today
She said
Push this sadness from my mind
I’ll give you half an hour
He said
And even then that’s being kind
Time heals
Or so they say
Well, let me tell you
They fucking lie
Time does nothing
But march on
And you’re left
With no right to reply
You find me here alone
Broken and desolate
With nothing to call my own
Except for beer and regret
‘I’ve fallen down another rung of the ladder, and I know I’ve got a fight on my hands‘
– Sean Hughes
What is the point
In another day
Living in silence
Wasting away
Especially as
No one cares anyway
Better to go now
Than fade to grey
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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