"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Things were so hard
For me back then
Every day
My outlook was bleak
And though the worst has passed
I still feel downcast
For at least
One day each week
Not Today
No-one can shield me,
from this pain within.
Nothing can soothe me,
now the rot has set in.
(Originally Posted 24.07.2019)
Misery loves company
Isn’t that what they say?
Well you and I know
We feel that with gusto
So neither of us
Will be walking way
Bonding
Admit it.
You hate this as much as I do.
It’s what keeps us together.
(Originally Posted 20.07.2019)
They tell you that
It’s time that heals
But time moves
So fucking slowly
In fact all time does do
Is exacerbate the issue
When you’re this heartbroken
And lonely
When Will It End?
Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.
Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.
When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
So I’m back
home now,
after that
shit show
Only two
more days
of pretending
to go
Then it’s
the weekend,
so I’ll be free
to lament
And avoid
all people,
to my hearts
content
Wednesday 2.30am (Pt 1)
I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow
No doubt
it’ll just be
more misery
and sorrow
Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed
Then I might
just escape
the thoughts
in my head
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
Wednesday 11am (Pt 2)
So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed
And it’s been
shit so far,
just as I predicted
It seems I was right,
I should never
have tried
For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
Now the worst has happened
And the handover is complete
There is nothing I can say or do
To help him back to his feet
Handover
You’ll
never
cope
She
said
When
this
happens
to you
I
know
He
said
I’m
dreading
it too
(Originally Posted 16.07.2020)
There
were
times,
back
then,
When
I just
wasn’t
worth
it
Water
It’s
amazing
the
difference
a shower
can make
Inside
and
out…
(Originally Posted 16.07.2019)
There was a time
In this journey of mine
When it wasn’t so much the where
Than with whom
Hardly in my prime
And with things far from fine
I just didn’t care
Who was in my bedroom
Sleeping Around
Try
as I
may
With
all
of my
might
I
have
no
idea
Where
I’ll
sleep
tonight
(Originally Posted 14.07.2020)
Sometimes I
Have nothing to add
No further words
Or updates
This is one
Of those times,
I think,
As when I read this
My heart breaks
Leftovers
A weak and weary
confused mind
An empty and
hollow heart
As bleak as it is,
it is all I have
As my life has
fallen apart
(Originally Posted 13.07.2019)
‘And if one day
You should see me in the crowd
Lend a hand and lift me
To your place in the cloud’
“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
I really hadn’t
Given much thought
To how hard
Life would be
Alone
The constant struggle
In this suffocating bubble
And all so far away
From home
A Tale Of Two Cities
I really don’t want to leave
But I know that I can’t stay
Though I’ll be alone
Wherever I go
So I’m screwed either way
(Originally Posted 05.07.2019)
Quite a subtle reference here
To a drug I’ve seen
But never taken
I’ve just always known
Being dependence prone
That beast never to awaken
Need(le)
I
need
you
here
Please
come
and
save
me
I
need
to
feel
The
love
you
gave
me
(Originally Posted 01.07.2020)
Yet as the sun came out
Last summer
The glue I’d used soon melted
So whatever I felt back then
Didn’t start a trend
Or conclude as well as projected
Out Of The Blue
I woke up with a smile
Today
All the bad feeling
Had gone away
It actually felt
Like it was the start
Of gluing back together
My broken heart
(Originally Posted 30.06.2021)
I dreamt about him last night
You know
For only the third time since he died
At least we had fun
In this one
And it was when I woke up I cried
A Heavenly Reunion
What
are
you
doing
here
He
said
I
told
you
not
to
follow
I
couldn’t
take
any
more
She
said
Life
without
you
left
me
hollow
Xxx
(Originally Posted 29.06.2020)
If only I could make it better
But there is no way that I can
For you have lost her forever
Just the same as I lost my man
Real Talk
It
hurts
my
heart
To
hear
you
cry
And
watch
you
break
Like
this
As
your
life
Falls
apart
And
you
stare
Into
the
abyss
(Originally Posted 25.06.2020)
As
life
continues
To slip
through
my fingers
Here
I stand,
still
As the
sadness
lingers
Tinged With Sadness
In
amongst
all of
this
madness
Here
I stand
Heart
tinged
with
sadness
(Originally Posted 24.06.2020)
No matter how hard you strive
To keep a memory alive
They’re always forgotten
In the end
At All
I reach
for your hand,
but it’s not there,
and further into
the abyss
I fall.
I search
for your face,
but you don’t care,
and it’s like we
were never here
at all.
(Originally Posted 20.06.2019)
‘Why are you so sarcastic all the time?’
‘Cause it stops me killing people – including myself’
– Tony
I wrote this one
On a train
Unhappy with life
Once again
Insides
Another grey sky.
Another bleak landscape.
Another version of me.
Looking out,
Looking in.
(Originally Posted 04.06.2019)
Crying in the chapel
Many years ago
Missing you intently
And wishing it wasn’t so
Granite
I wish
you were
with me
Gently
squeezing
my hand
Providing
me with
comfort
Helping me
understand
(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)
Only a year ago
This one
And still no better than when I started
Sometimes I fear
There’ll never be an end
To feeling so broken hearted
The End Of The Road
Pretending gets tiring
After a while
So in the end you stop
With no cylinders left firing
And an inibility to smile
It’s back up to that rooftop
(Originally Posted 13.05.2021)
So I suppose
This is the part
Where you say hello
And break my heart
All Good Things
So
I
suppose
This
is the
part
Where
you say
goodbye
And
break my
heart
(Originally Posted 04.05.2020)
As if all I do
Is wander around
And weep into the rain
When I really feel blue
To my bed I am bound
As that is my real domain
Grey Days
I love
walking
on grey days
The raindrops
land on my face
and mingle with
my tears
Hiding them
from prying
eyes
(Originally Posted 02.05.2019)
It hurts almost as much
To see how sad I was
As it does
To remember you
Reminders
It’s when it comes from nowhere,
that’s the worst.
The hysterical sobs that hit without warning.
When I’m driving and our song comes on the radio.
When a letter arrives and it’s addressed to you.
When I find a pair of your socks in my drawer.
My throat constricts,
as my lungs compress.
My stomach lurches,
as my heart laments.
And my eyes burn as I drown, slowly, in my own tears.
(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)
Head in pain
Lying out in the rain
Wondering how
I’ll ever love again
NFA
If home
is where
the heart is,
then I’m
currently
of no
fixed abode.
(Originally Posted 15.04.2019)
Still here
Still pretending
Still living
With grief unending
Sick & Tired
And
so
begins
another
day
Where
I pretend
every
thing
is ok
If
only
there
was
another
way
As I
hate
being
such a
fucking
cliché
(Originally Posted 14.04.2020)
It’s sad to think
I was on the brink
With thoughts so dark
Back then
At least now
I feel better, somehow
So won’t need that knife
Again
Cards On The Table
So this is
what it
amounts to
All I have
to show for
my life
Do you
know
I can’t
actually
be arsed
Please,
just pass me
the knife
(Originally Posted 26.03.2020)
I have since toiled
Without that guide
Pasting my heart
With water and flour
I just have to hope
It continues to hold
Though it’s looking less likely
By the hour
My Heart
My heart is smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.
I don’t have the glue to put it back together.
And I lost the instruction manual years ago.
(Originally Posted 14.03.2019)
And still your agony continues
In difference to me
She continues to linger on
Whilst he’s already been set free
Foreboding
It’s all just so wrong
This shouldn’t be happening to you
Not as it hasn’t been that long
Since it happened to me too
I’m not sure how to act
And I’m not sure what to say
For there’s nothing that can take the pain
Of what’s to come away
(Originally Posted 06.03.2020)
There is nothing
Left to do
There isn’t anything
Else to say
I just really
Fucking miss him
Every single day
Xxx
Trudging through this half a life
Really just subsisting
Knowing I’d be
Better off dead
Than merely just existing
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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