"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I felt that way
For a really long time
After you rounded on me
That night
But now I’ve moved on
And boy I’ve grown
So I’m stepping back
Into the light
Nyctophilia
I’m
better
alone
than in
company
Just
like I’m
happier
in the
dark
That
way
I never
have to
see anyone
Or
hear
another
disparaging
remark
(Originally Posted 16.02.2020)
It may have been me
Who was the one
That was strong enough
For two
But the person I was
The most proud of
In the end
Was you
Xxx
With Me
Your
words
tattooed
on my
brain
Forever
A reminder
of facing
that
pain
Together
(Originally Posted 18.01.2020)
‘For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack’
– Rudyard Kipling
I don’t want a boy
She said
With romantic ideals
I need a man
With balls of steel
The Rescuer
We can
leave
together,
He
said,
I promise
I’ll look
after you.
When
will you
grow up,
She
said,
You poor
misguided
fool.
(Originally Posted 20.11.2019)
Three years on
From writing this
And that strength still eludes me
Don’t get me wrong
I can, at times, be strong
But my future still looks pretty gloomy
08.08
So it’s another birthday
And what a day it has been
If I’d have known last year
What I know now
I would have jacked it all in
But I suppose now it’s time
At this ripe old age
And much to my chagrin
To find a way of moving forward
And discover the strength within
(Originally Posted 09.08.2019)
They’re not always
About you, you know
These thoughts
Inside my head
Sometimes
I’m more than capable
Of putting myself first
Instead
As If
What’s
that
I
hear
you
say
Don’t
stand
at your
grave
and
weep
I
wouldn’t
piss
on it
If it
was on
fire
You
fucking
egotistical
creep
(Originally Posted 27.07.2020)
Remember when you told me
To do this / do that
And you expected
I’d dance to your tune
Well, in reality
Your words fell flat
And to your bullshit
I’m now immune
Think Again
It’s a
mistake
to tell
me what
to do.
Even
bigger
to think
I’d listen
to you.
(Originally Posted 21.06.2019)
I spent years people pleasing
And it wrecked my mental health
So now I don’t please anyone
Except my fucking self
I’ve Heard It All Before
Just because
What doesn’t kill me
Apparently
Makes me stronger
Doesn’t give you
An excuse
To hurt me
Any longer
(Originally Posted 17.06.2021)
I don’t give a fuck
How strong you look
You are never getting in
You may well be
More powerful than me
But you will never win
It was always your choice
To intentionality decieve
Just like it was mine
To pack up and leave
You’ve now outstayed a welcome
That you were never fucking given
So if you would kindly
Piss off please
I can get back to living
Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall
I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all
Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse
I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse
It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say
But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way
All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope
As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope
(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)
The monster who lives
Under my bed
Whispers again
Why aren’t you dead
Berating me
For writing instead
When all the time
That rope’s still in the shed
I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)
I am no longer who I was
I am now someone more
And although I’m alone
I’ll find my own way home
That’s for fucking sure
One
day
I’ll
wake
up
And
I won’t
feel
this
strong
So
you’ll
find
me
Drowned
in the
river
And
back
where
I belong
Tell me
how
you do
it
She
said
How
do you
stay so
strong
I
don’t
really
know
He
said
I make
it up
as
I go
along
We
can’t
let
each
other
goWe
are
all
we’ve
got
left
I’ve
never
thought
of myself
as strong
But I
suppose
I have
stuck
it out
this
long
Although
somewhat
broken,
bloodied
and
bruised
I’m
very
much
still
here
to light
the fuse
I wish
I could
sleep
But I
simply
can’t
relax
I just don’t
have the
strength
to keep
Painting
over the
cracks
I can’t
stay,
she said,
I have
to go
back
It’s the
only way
to get my
life back
on track
I’ll come
with you,
he said,
you don’t
have to go
on your own
I’m here to
help you
through
so you’ll
never
be alone
I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.
You have no idea how hard it is.
This sustained internal struggle.
The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.
The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.
It’s exhausting.
If only I could return to the naivety of the past.
Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.
Where melancholy was a comforting friend.
And death wasn’t such a viable option.
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 