"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Has it ever occured to you
He said
That the source of your discord
Is your inability
To end the hostility
By changing the fucking record?
‘My Only Friend, The End…’
We
mustn’t
ever
forget
She
said
That
the
worst
is yet
to come
How
bloody
long
exactly
He
said
Do you
plan to
bang
that
drum?
(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)
If we’d had a plan
When all this began
Perhaps we could both advance
But as things are
We’ve gone too far
And now none of us
Stand a chance
Obvious
At a
different
time
In a
different
place
The
answer
would
stare
us
Right
in the
face
(Originally Posted 30.11.2019)
Here I am stuck
In this carriage again
Honestly,
I could scream
I’m forever trying
To reach the end
Yet I always run out
Of steam
‘Forever Delayed’
Brought
to a
standstill
By leaves
on the
line ahead
Yet
another
signal
point
failure
Oh how
I wish
I’d stayed
in bed
(Originally Posted 05.11.2019)
What can you do
When you’ve been mistaken
When you realise your life
You have forsaken
When you can’t go back
And start again
When it’s only regret
That does now remain
Double Take
It’s only
now I
realise
I’ve
played
this all
wrong
And it
actually
should
have
been
you all
along
(Originally Posted 20.09.2019)
I know it comes evey year
Yet I’m still no more prepared
As much as I try
I’m still left high and dry
With any chance to move on impaired
That Day
I’m scared
of what
that day
will bring,
As I
know it’s
approaching
fast.
Even if
it’s the
start of
my future,
There’s no
way of
forgetting
my past.
(Originally Posted 05.09.2019)
I don’t know why
I got carried away
I only smiled
That one day
It’s not like my sadness
Can fade to grey
As this black cloud
Is here to stay
‘A Little Peculiar’
Something happened this morning
When I sat up in my bed
I found that instead of yawning
I actually smiled instead
(Originally Posted 10.08.2020)
I guess
That is
The thing
With scars
They remain
In place
Forever
A showcase
Of the body’s
Memoirs
All those links
It cannot sever
No Way Back
To carry
on living
is proving
too hard
With my mind
and my body
so irrevocably
scarred
(Originally Posted 29.07.2019)
“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
Back in the day
The only way
Was to express my grief
In paragraphs
I avoided talking
Like the plague
And couldn’t look
At photographs
I knew that it
Was wrong of me
But in my sadness
I was frozen
There was no option
For me back then
No other path
I could have chosen
But now I find
Day in day out
I can move
A little bit more
I am becoming unstuck,
It seems
Of that much
I am sure
I can only hope
As time goes on
Things continue
In this vain
And I’m never physically,
Mentally or emotionally
So immovable
Again
Immovable
It’s like wading through a swamp. Trying to lift your limbs from quicksand. Pushing against an invisible wind with a colossal weight strapped to your back. Everything takes so much longer. So many hours are lost. Motivation is impossible to muster. Action comes only in waves. Trivial tasks are insurmountable and nothing makes sense.
I’ve become physically, mentally and emotionally immovable.
Please, send help.
(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)
Things are fine
Most of the time
I quite forget
That you even got ill
But then I’ll drink wine
And from nowhere, time
Once again
Stands still
Xxx
I thought
If I told you
How I felt
That you
Would understand
But now I realise
I was wrong
So I’m stuck
In no man’s land
For someone who doesn’t care
You sure do talk a lot
If
your
life
is a
traffic
jam
Then
just
step
out of
the
car
Time flies
When you’re having fun
That’s why it’s still midnight
As I’m having none
They promised I’d feel better by now
That these pills would have kicked in
Well they fucking lied
As my brain is still fried
And my heart belongs in the bin
I never thought
I had a heart
Until it broke
In two
I only ever wanted you
But then he arrived instead
Now there’s no chance
In any circumstance
Of you sleeping in my bed
Some people stay together
And hate every second of it
But as they’re bound by tradition
They put up with each others shit
They’re worn down day after day
But are far too scared to leave
For of a life full of happiness
They cannot possibly conceive
Why should I bother
Going to bed
When there's nothing
To wake up for
Why should I bother
Waking up
When I enjoy sleeping
So much more
Now
we’ll
never
hold
hands
again
Walk
in the
park
or
kiss in
the rain
That
only
fading
memories
of us
remain
Just
breaks
my heart
and fucks
with my
brain
Nothing makes this better
Everything makes it worse
A body straining in first gear
And a mind stuck in reverse
I only want
what’s best
for you,
he said,
even if it’s
not what’s
best for meI just
want this
to end,
she said,
I simply
want to
be free
I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.I’m sorry.
If I met you again,
For the first time,
I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’d do it all again,
Exactly the same,
Taking you under my wing.
But I should have,
if I could have,
told you that
I loved you
more.
Perhaps then
my life now
wouldn’t be
so difficult
to endure.
Powerless to leave
or
making a choice to stay.
There is a difference.
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 