The Sudden Calmness

They were all hoping

The blues would fade

But they were unaware

My decision was made


Rope

I know
I can’t
do this
anymore

My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore

I feel
the relief
in every
pore

As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store

(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)

Deploy The Safety Net

Remove the paracetamol

And hide the razor blades

As I feel like shit

Again today

So you need to take the reins


The Daily Struggle

I went back to bed

Three times today

To try to dream

This pain away

Yet it didn’t work

So now I’m awake

Do I have any choice

But my life to take?

(Originally Posted 16.11.2020)

Left Traumatised

Not a method I would choose

In reality

As I’d care about the driver

Far more than I ever could me


The Railway Line

I
shouldn’t
need to
tell you
again

You
must
already
know

I
don’t
want to
be here
anymore

Please
just
let me
go

(Originally Posted 20.10.2020)

So Close

As there was no one to pull me

Back in from the ledge

It is here I remain

Drunk and in pain

Standing perilously close to the edge


A Little More

As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day

I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way

How
much
lower
can I
sink?

Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

I Wasn’t Built For This

I guess I am

A misanthrope

Born as I was

Devoid of hope

Destined across

The world to mope

Forever trying

To avoid the rope


Misanthropic Me

People
never
cease to
disgust
and
disappoint
me in
equal measure

Perhaps
that’s
why my
life is
full of
discomfort
and
displeasure

(Originally Posted 09.10.2019)

‘You Can’t Handle The Truth’

If you were to see

Who I am inside

You would simply run

Away and hide

It’s not as though

I have ever lied

But to quell the beast

I’ve always tried


Hidden

There’s
so much
of me

You
never
see

So many
things
I do

That are
hidden
from view

I know you
won’t believe
it’s true

But it’s
my way of
protecting you

(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)

The Black Baccara

It can be hard to stop

And smell the roses

When you’d rather

Be six feet under them


The Black Dog

When I heard
the black dog
barking outside

I knew I had
nowhere left
to hide

When I heard
the black dog
at my door

I knew I didn’t
have the strength
to fight anymore

Now I hear
the black dog
on my shoulder

And all I feel
is relief
that it’s over

(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)

Bonne Idée

It would’ve been all too easy

To enact the ultimate ‘au revoir’

So just in case I was tempted

I made sure to sell my car


#8 The Optimist

This is

A message

From your favourite

Depressive

To say all

Is well with me

Here’s hoping

It lasts

That those days

Have passed

And I don’t drive

Into a tree

(Originally Posted 02.09.2021)

A Tough Read

I really am quite thankful

I no longer feel like this

Even though day to day

Things aren’t always okay

At least I’ve stopped thinking that shit


Shotgun

At
this
point
I’ll
try
anything

She
said

It
can’t
do any
harm

Then
you
should
take
this
one

He
said

It’ll
work
like a
charm

(Originally Posted 27.08.2020)

Self Torture

Back then my head

Was in such a mess

I couldn’t even wish myself

A peaceful death


Out With A Bang

What is this
stabbing pain
in my chest?

Why is it
causing me
such unrest?

Fingers
crossed it’s
a heart attack

Then I
can leave
this place

And never
come back

(Originally Posted 23.08.2019)

Pain Free

It was always a promise

And never a threat

I just haven’t decided

How I’ll do it, yet


Crying Wolf

Remember when I told you

I wished that I was dead

And you thought it was all

Just nonsense in my head

Well maybe now you’ll realise

You will finally get to see

The worst thing that you ever did

Was not to believe me

(Originally Posted 23.07.2021)

Hard Times Ahead

I sense more of this type coming

And to be honest

I’m a little afraid

Not only to reread them

But also to relive them

Knowing how I’m capable of such again


The Note

It was the lonliness

That got to me

If I’m honest

In the end

Sitting here

Just quietly

But all alone

Yet again

Desperately trying

But failing

My broken heart

To mend

And all the while

Convinced

That the rope

Was my only friend

(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Darkest thoughts

On my darkest day

I can but hope

The worst is away


Found

Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be

Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind

All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose

A
method
that
is
kind

(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)

‘Standing On The Edge…’

There must be something to live for

He said

Just one reason to stick around

If there is then I can’t see it

She said

Those bastards have ground me down


Please

If this

Is all there is

Then who are you

To tell me no?

You have no idea

How hard this is

So please,

Just let me go

(Originally Posted 15.05.2019)

K(not) Anymore

I threw out that rope

A few weeks ago

When I cleared out the shed

Now I’ll try to forgo

My life of woe

And hope for better instead


K(not)

All
I can
say is
I live
in hope

That
one day
I will
tie that
rope

As
tightly
as I see
it in
my mind

And
all my
troubles
I’ll leave
behind

(Originally Posted 06.05.2020)

The Edge Of The World

It’s been a while

Since I’ve been up there

And for that I am glad

As I know next time

I climb those steps

I won’t ever be coming back


Indecision

It’s a long way to the bottom
from all the way up here.

As I stand and shiver
I can’t help but think…

What happens if I change my mind
halfway down?

(Originally Posted 15.04.2019)

Come Time

I spend less time by the river

Nowadays

It’s not my preferred option

Anyways


Drowning

The girl in the river,

She never thought she would be.

The girl in the river,

She didn’t want you to see.

The girl in the river,

She just wanted to be free.

The girl in the river,

She is me.

(Originally Posted 06.04.2019)

The Restoration

It’s sad to think

I was on the brink

With thoughts so dark

Back then

At least now

I feel better, somehow

So won’t need that knife

Again


Cards On The Table

So this is
what it
amounts to

All I have
to show for
my life

Do you
know

I can’t
actually
be arsed

Please,
just pass me
the knife

(Originally Posted 26.03.2020)

A Simple Solution

I took the easier route,

In the end,

And just sold the car


Country Roads

I should stop driving

So late at night

Especially

On country roads

It is far too tempting

Not to press the brake

And it’s not like

I’m afraid of the dark…

(Originally Posted 15.03.2019)

Waking Thoughts

And so to yet

Another day

Resisting

The urge to cry

In a body

That is fighting

Hard to survive

But with a mind

That wants to die

Virtueless

As I walk

Into the sea

Never quite who

I wanted to be

I know that faith,

Hope and charity

All just proved

Too much for me

A Full Refund

Once upon a time

When I was ill

I truly believed

That this was it

I couldn’t see

Anything else for me

But another day

Drowning in shit

But now life is better

I have found

And I can finally

See a plan

So it is time

To return that rope

As quickly

As I can

Spare Keys

The idea really

Was never

For you to just come

And go

It was more to ensure

You could open the door

To remove my head

From inside the stove

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