"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
The rope
Is in
The bin
For now
Having given
That monster
A swerve
But it’s safe
To assume
I can’t give him
Any room
As he’ll have
Kept some back
In reserve
Try Harder Next Time
The monster who lives
Under my bed
Whispers again
Why aren’t you dead
Berating me
For writing instead
And putting the rope
Back in the shed
(Originally Posted 24.02.2021)
On those days
When I feel depressed
And I can’t carry on
Or hope for the best
I know to avoid
The great outdoors
As they’d end up scraping me
Off the floor
You Have Been Warned
I’m
too
scared
to go
out
today
For
the
dark
thoughts
haven’t
gone away
I’m
worried
I’m so
far into
this
slump
That
I may
well
just
decide
to
jump
(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)
If I were to take
One as prescribed
No doubt I’d feel
The same inside
If I were to take
Two or three
I could cope
Quite easily
If I were to take
Four or five
I’d most likely still
Make it out alive
If I were to take
Six or seven
I’d start knocking on
The door of heaven
If I were to take
Eight or nine
I’d be pretty close
To the finish line
But if I were
To take ten
I’d make sure you never
Saw me again
Dosage Instructions
Please
give me
another
pill to
swallow
For I
don’t
want to
wake up
tomorrow
(Originally Posted 31.01.2020)
If some of my poems
Are humorous
Albeit
A little dark
This one
Is deadly serious
And not just
A flippant remark
Hanging Around
I know it’s there
In the shed
Waiting for when
I choose death instead
(Originally Posted 23.12.2020)
With a mindset shifted
And a choice insisted
An opportunity gifted
And a weight now lifted
Epitaph
Do you
ever wish
you could
just give
up?
Say
right,
that’s it,
I’ve had
enough!
I’m
done
with
all this
fucking
shit
I’m
finally
going
through
with it!
Well
I think
these
things
every
day
Those
words
to easy
for me
to say
And
so, it
seems,
my
demons
have won
For
I can
say now
I am
officially
done
(Originally Posted 13.12.2019)
There’s something about
The rush of the waves
Those echoing sounds
From beyond the caves
This feels like home
To me
That sheer expanse
Of glass like water
As I stand here shaking
In awe before her
I know when I wade in
I’ll be free
Happy Place
Take me back
To the sea
For it is where
I need to be
But don’t think because
I’ve emptied my pockets
That will be
Enough to stop it
For in the end
It will just be me
Sinking down
Into the depths of the sea
(Originally Posted 10.12.2020)
They were all hoping
The blues would fade
But they were unaware
My decision was made
Rope
I know
I can’t
do this
anymore
My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore
I feel
the relief
in every
pore
As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store
(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)
We could have chatted
All day today
If only the sea
Had swept me away
The Beach
I’m
glad
I spoke
to you
today
Even
though
it was
only
the
wind
That
could
reply
Xxx
(Originally Posted 04.12.2020)
Remove the paracetamol
And hide the razor blades
As I feel like shit
Again today
So you need to take the reins
The Daily Struggle
I went back to bed
Three times today
To try to dream
This pain away
Yet it didn’t work
So now I’m awake
Do I have any choice
But my life to take?
(Originally Posted 16.11.2020)
Not a method I would choose
In reality
As I’d care about the driver
Far more than I ever could me
The Railway Line
I
shouldn’t
need to
tell you
again
You
must
already
know
I
don’t
want to
be here
anymore
Please
just
let me
go
(Originally Posted 20.10.2020)
As there was no one to pull me
Back in from the ledge
It is here I remain
Drunk and in pain
Standing perilously close to the edge
A Little More
As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day
I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way
How
much
lower
can I
sink?
Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?
(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)
I guess I am
A misanthrope
Born as I was
Devoid of hope
Destined across
The world to mope
Forever trying
To avoid the rope
Misanthropic Me
People
never
cease to
disgust
and
disappoint
me in
equal measure
Perhaps
that’s
why my
life is
full of
discomfort
and
displeasure
(Originally Posted 09.10.2019)
If you were to see
Who I am inside
You would simply run
Away and hide
It’s not as though
I have ever lied
But to quell the beast
I’ve always tried
Hidden
There’s
so much
of me
You
never
see
So many
things
I do
That are
hidden
from view
I know you
won’t believe
it’s true
But it’s
my way of
protecting you
(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)
It can be hard to stop
And smell the roses
When you’d rather
Be six feet under them
The Black Dog
When I heard
the black dog
barking outside
I knew I had
nowhere left
to hide
When I heard
the black dog
at my door
I knew I didn’t
have the strength
to fight anymore
Now I hear
the black dog
on my shoulder
And all I feel
is relief
that it’s over
(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)
It would’ve been all too easy
To enact the ultimate ‘au revoir’
So just in case I was tempted
I made sure to sell my car
#8 The Optimist
This is
A message
From your favourite
Depressive
To say all
Is well with me
Here’s hoping
It lasts
That those days
Have passed
And I don’t drive
Into a tree
(Originally Posted 02.09.2021)
I really am quite thankful
I no longer feel like this
Even though day to day
Things aren’t always okay
At least I’ve stopped thinking that shit
Shotgun
At
this
point
I’ll
try
anything
She
said
It
can’t
do any
harm
Then
you
should
take
this
one
He
said
It’ll
work
like a
charm
(Originally Posted 27.08.2020)
Back then my head
Was in such a mess
I couldn’t even wish myself
A peaceful death
Out With A Bang
What is this
stabbing pain
in my chest?
Why is it
causing me
such unrest?
Fingers
crossed it’s
a heart attack
Then I
can leave
this place
And never
come back
(Originally Posted 23.08.2019)
It was always a promise
And never a threat
I just haven’t decided
How I’ll do it, yet
Crying Wolf
Remember when I told you
I wished that I was dead
And you thought it was all
Just nonsense in my head
Well maybe now you’ll realise
You will finally get to see
The worst thing that you ever did
Was not to believe me
(Originally Posted 23.07.2021)
I sense more of this type coming
And to be honest
I’m a little afraid
Not only to reread them
But also to relive them
Knowing how I’m capable of such again
The Note
It was the lonliness
That got to me
If I’m honest
In the end
Sitting here
Just quietly
But all alone
Yet again
Desperately trying
But failing
My broken heart
To mend
And all the while
Convinced
That the rope
Was my only friend
(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)
Darkest thoughts
On my darkest day
I can but hope
The worst is away
Found
Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be
Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind
All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose
A
method
that
is
kind
(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)
There must be something to live for
He said
Just one reason to stick around
If there is then I can’t see it
She said
Those bastards have ground me down
Please
If this
Is all there is
Then who are you
To tell me no?
You have no idea
How hard this is
So please,
Just let me go
(Originally Posted 15.05.2019)
I threw out that rope
A few weeks ago
When I cleared out the shed
Now I’ll try to forgo
My life of woe
And hope for better instead
K(not)
All
I can
say is
I live
in hope
That
one day
I will
tie that
rope
As
tightly
as I see
it in
my mind
And
all my
troubles
I’ll leave
behind
(Originally Posted 06.05.2020)
It’s been a while
Since I’ve been up there
And for that I am glad
As I know next time
I climb those steps
I won’t ever be coming back
Indecision
It’s a long way to the bottom
from all the way up here.
As I stand and shiver
I can’t help but think…
What happens if I change my mind
halfway down?
(Originally Posted 15.04.2019)
I spend less time by the river
Nowadays
It’s not my preferred option
Anyways
Drowning
The girl in the river,
She never thought she would be.
The girl in the river,
She didn’t want you to see.
The girl in the river,
She just wanted to be free.
The girl in the river,
She is me.
(Originally Posted 06.04.2019)
It’s sad to think
I was on the brink
With thoughts so dark
Back then
At least now
I feel better, somehow
So won’t need that knife
Again
Cards On The Table
So this is
what it
amounts to
All I have
to show for
my life
Do you
know
I can’t
actually
be arsed
Please,
just pass me
the knife
(Originally Posted 26.03.2020)
I took the easier route,
In the end,
And just sold the car
Country Roads
I should stop driving
So late at night
Especially
On country roads
It is far too tempting
Not to press the brake
And it’s not like
I’m afraid of the dark…
(Originally Posted 15.03.2019)
And so to yet
Another day
Resisting
The urge to cry
In a body
That is fighting
Hard to survive
But with a mind
That wants to die
As I walk
Into the sea
Never quite who
I wanted to be
I know that faith,
Hope and charity
All just proved
Too much for me
Once upon a time
When I was ill
I truly believed
That this was it
I couldn’t see
Anything else for me
But another day
Drowning in shit
But now life is better
I have found
And I can finally
See a plan
So it is time
To return that rope
As quickly
As I can
The truth is
I felt like this
Even before you died
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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