With my self care
On the floor
The noose tightens
That little bit more
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
With my self care
On the floor
The noose tightens
That little bit more
Life is hard
But so am I
That is why
Despite my efforts
I am yet to die
It’s hard to explain what happens
When I’m standing alone up there
I’m just willing it all to end
To no longer have to care
I forget about everyone
And every little thing
It’s just me and the breeze
With the comfort it can bring
My mind is crystal clear
And I don’t hear a sound
As all of my focus is trained
On finally hitting the ground
Is this all there is now
Just sitting here killing time
Waiting for the next one to come along
Getting stoned and drinking wine
You see I’d rather not bother
Wasting all this time and effort
I’d prefer to end it here and now
And all my earthly ties sever
Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall
I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all
Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse
I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse
It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say
But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way
All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope
As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope
(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)
The monster who lives
Under my bed
Whispers again
Why aren’t you dead
Berating me
For writing instead
When all the time
That rope’s still in the shed
I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)
As I stand here I wonder…
Who would care, really?
Who would cry?
Who would be bothered to stop and ask why?
Should I? Shouldn’t I?
I couldn’t really go through with it though, could I?
Who would laugh?
Who would sigh?
Is it even possible from up this high?
And then I jump.
Without another care in the world,
or even so much as a goodbye.
(Originally Posted 17.06.2019)
Always
laughing
and
joking
Smiling
on
the
outside
While
all the
time I'm
choking
On the
emotions
I'm trying
to hide
I know it’s there
In the shed
Waiting for when
I choose death instead
Take me back
To the sea
For it is where
I need to be
But please don’t think
That just because
You’ve emptied my pockets
It’ll be enough to stop it
For in the end
It will just be me
Sinking deep down
Into the depths of the sea
I’ve worked it out
How all this will end
And you’ll be pleased to know
I won’t need you, my friend
I went back to bed
Three times today
To try to dream
This pain away
But it didn’t work
And now I’m awake
Do I have any choice
But my life to take?
I
really
can’t
explain
itThis
feeling
I have
insideI
just
don’t
want
to be
hereAnd,
God
knows,
I’ve
tried
I
shouldn’t
need to
tell you
againYou
must
already
knowI
don’t
want to
be here
anymorePlease
just
let me
go
I am
more
lonely
Than
anybody
knows
I
could
really
Use
a
friend
Before
this
darkness
Inside
me
grows
And
it
really
Is
the
end
Please
just
walk
away
And
take
yourself
off home
I
don’t
want to
talk
I
want
to be
alone
Here
I lieDespite
my wealthMurdered
By my
mental
health
Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be
Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind
All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose
A
method
that
is
kind
All
I can
say is
I live
in hope
That
one day
I will
tie that
rope
As
tightly
as I see
it in
my mind
And
all my
troubles
I’ll leave
behind
What do I do
Now all hope is gone
And I am left here
On my own
Somehow still alive
But gasping for air
Unable to thrive
Yet unwilling to care