Progress

I cry a lot more now

Even at the silliest thing

My therapist says it’s better

Than trying to keep it all in

Ice

I suppose I should be happy the sun is shining again,

Feel a spring in my step at the lighter evenings,

Be comforted by the warmth on the back of my neck.

But I couldn’t give a shit.

It means nothing.

None of it melts the ice in my heart.

(Originally Posted 21.03.2019)

The Reality

Life goes on,
now I’m alone,
as tears wash
over me
like rain.

Time moves on,
as I come undone,
with fear that
I’ll never
love again.

(Originally Posted 10.07.2019)

‘Blue Sign’

I was doing really well today you know.

I got out of bed at a reasonable time.
I sang to myself in the shower.
I put on different clothes.
I remembered to fed the cat.

I cleaned the bathroom.
I threw out the stale food from the fridge.
I washed the bed sheets.
I took the rubbish out.

I went for a swim.
I started listening to a new podcast.
I went shopping in the afternoon.
I even flirted with the man who served me.

And then I drove past the blue sign.
And the sky fell in.
And I remembered everything.
And my heart shattered all over again.


(Originally Posted 11.03.2019)

All The 8’s

And so it begins

The incessant counting

The overthinking

The fear mounting

That impending doom

Will certainly strike

If I do not get

This pattern right

Cheats Never Prosper

If there’s one thing I’ve learned

It’s that you can’t skip the stages

Even if moving forward

Feels like it’s taking fucking ages

If you jump too far forward

You only fall further back

And all you do is store your pain

For further down the track

Recurring

The tears I cried

When you died

Will never fully dry

For with each day

Dawns a new array

Of pain I can’t deny

Xxx

Passing

If we were to meet again

I’d simply walk on by

I’d turn my head away from you

Try not to catch your eye

For I could not do this again

Your loss has left me broken

No, I’d simply walk on by

With nary a word spoken

Left Guessing

Time moves on

Yet I’m stood still

Fading away

Losing the will

As each second

Passes me by

I can’t forget

Or stop asking why

Random #45

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.

You probably can’t.

You know the month, the year, the day of the week.

There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car.

You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie.

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored.

Birds are not late.

A dog does not check its watch.

Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.

Man alone measures time.

Man alone chimes the hour.

And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.

A fear of time running out.

The Time Keeper – Mitch Albom

Poles Apart

I still cry myself to sleep

Not that you’d know

You selfish creep

You think because

We all lost him

That we both feel the same

But you’ve really got

No fucking clue

How I live each day in pain

Blowing It

It seems that I am destined

To forever rue the day

I didn’t just pack up my bags

And simply walk away

The Over 40’s Club

Let’s both jump

Into this taxi

Please just take me home

And have me

I’m done waiting

Now is our time

Let’s grasp this moment

Whilst we’re in our prime

Sown Up

I don’t feel better

I haven’t forgotten

I’ve just stopped telling you

How I feel

I Wish

I wish that I had asked you more

I wish I’d kissed you each day

I wish that I had really made sure

I wish I’d begged you to stay

Xxx

Struck

All
my
life

I’ve
waited
for this

The
feeling
of certainty

That
thunderbolt
kiss

High School Reunions

I
wonder
what

You’d
think
of me
now

Fat,
forty
and
fucked

Would
you
still
love me
forever

Want
to be
together
whatever

Or be
thankful
for the
bullet
you
ducked

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