Tag: time

‘Back To The Old House’

The hairdressers who first permed my hair

The record shop that’s no longer there

The place the first ring pierced my nose

The stall that sold those second hand clothes

The school that taught me how to grow

The man who showed me all I know

The pub I was in every Saturday night

The doorway where I held you tight

The café where I laughed and cried

The club where I danced eyes open wide

The hospital visit that left a scar

The venue where I lost my bra       

For all the hours spent here

Both good and bad

I know they were the best

I’ve ever had

19

Harsh Truths

I used to think

I was pale

And interesting

Now I realise

Not only

Could I do with a tan

I am actually

Just dull as fuck

30

Putting The Washing Away

You’re OK

You know

Most days

You just get on

With things

Then suddenly

Out of nowhere

It hits you

At the foot

Of the stairs

And you weep

As you realise

Most days

Will never

Be the same

Again

22

‘You Should Have Come In Sooner’

If only I could tell you

But you wouldn’t understand

I don’t know how to open up

Or even if I can

Sharing how I feel with you

Would be difficult at best

So I will just keep trudging on

With my cards close to my chest

21

Slipping Back

They say after a while

It stops hurting

Yet thirty one months later

I’m still in pain

If anything it feels

Like I’m reverting

Back to those dark old days

Again

22

Two Steps Back

Words don’t cut it

Anymore

So it’s back to the knives

Instead

I really thought

I was over this

But the trauma demon

Has to be fed

26

Captives

Was it you

Or was it me

Who soldiered on

Too blind to see

That it was destined

To end like this

With us both falling

Into the abyss

17

I Won’t Forget

I still cry for him at night

You know

There’ll never be a time

I won’t

Just because you’re not here

To wipe away

My tears

Doesn’t mean

I don’t

15

Forever Faltering

It’s all too easy

To slip into

This ‘everything is ok’ soundtrack

But you and I both know

It’s all just pretend

Because you’re never coming back

Xxx

17

For L.

I miss you today

More than ever

Sitting outside in

This stunning weather

If only we could meet again

Even after all this time

As we’d still have

Such a fucking laugh

And drain a bottle (or two) of wine

16

Galore

I wish I’d known you then

He said

When you offered so much more

Now it’s only apathy

She said

And neuroses galore

6

April The 1st

I woke up alone again today

Going over the words we spoke

Another day without you here

Really is a fucking joke

Xxx

7

At The Kitchen Table

Will you just stop talking

He said

You’re driving me insane

If you’d just listen in the first place

She said

I wouldn’t have to say it again

12

Memorial Memories

It’s been two years since you left me

Sitting all alone in that church

Cold, confused and crying

So painfully in the lurch

But it’s not really his death you know,

That has been the most pernicious

It’s how the rest of you have chosen to be

So incredibly fucking malicious

10

Out Of Puff

We’ve got to move quickly

He said

Time is of the essence

Just go ahead without me

She said

I haven’t run since adolescence

17

I Can’t Be Arsed

Is this all there is now

Just sitting here killing time

Waiting for the next one to come along

Getting stoned and drinking wine

You see I’d rather not bother

Wasting all this time and effort

I’d prefer to end it here and now

And all my earthly ties sever

17

Grief Counselling

Why did you come here

He said

What exactly did you expect

Well they told me if I did

She said

That I’d feel less bereft

12

Missed Call

You’re lucky

I was out just then

And that I didn’t see

Your call

For if I had

I would’ve gone mad

And ended this

Once and for all

7

Raiding The Fridge

What the fuck

Are you still doing up

Don’t you know

It’s quarter past four?

Well of course I do

But it’s nothing new

To find I can’t sleep

Anymore

5

If Mirrors Could Talk

Tell yourself you’re moving on

And they might just start

To believe it

But you and I know

This is all just for show

As you’re still drowning

In shit

7

Progress

I cry a lot more now

Even at the silliest thing

My therapist says it’s better

Than trying to keep it all in

22

Ice

I suppose I should be happy the sun is shining again,

Feel a spring in my step at the lighter evenings,

Be comforted by the warmth on the back of my neck.

But I couldn’t give a shit.

It means nothing.

None of it melts the ice in my heart.

(Originally Posted 21.03.2019)

4

The Reality

Life goes on,
now I’m alone,
as tears wash
over me
like rain.

Time moves on,
as I come undone,
with fear that
I’ll never
love again.

(Originally Posted 10.07.2019)

14

‘Blue Sign’

I was doing really well today you know.

I got out of bed at a reasonable time.
I sang to myself in the shower.
I put on different clothes.
I remembered to fed the cat.

I cleaned the bathroom.
I threw out the stale food from the fridge.
I washed the bed sheets.
I took the rubbish out.

I went for a swim.
I started listening to a new podcast.
I went shopping in the afternoon.
I even flirted with the man who served me.

And then I drove past the blue sign.
And the sky fell in.
And I remembered everything.
And my heart shattered all over again.


(Originally Posted 11.03.2019)
12

All The 8’s

And so it begins

The incessant counting

The overthinking

The fear mounting

That impending doom

Will certainly strike

If I do not get

This pattern right

8

Cheats Never Prosper

If there’s one thing I’ve learned

It’s that you can’t skip the stages

Even if moving forward

Feels like it’s taking fucking ages

If you jump too far forward

You only fall further back

And all you do is store your pain

For further down the track

11

Recurring

The tears I cried

When you died

Will never fully dry

For with each day

Dawns a new array

Of pain I can’t deny

Xxx

4

Passing

If we were to meet again

I’d simply walk on by

I’d turn my head away from you

Try not to catch your eye

For I could not do this again

Your loss has left me broken

No, I’d simply walk on by

With nary a word spoken

19

Left Guessing

Time moves on

Yet I’m stood still

Fading away

Losing the will

As each second

Passes me by

I can’t forget

Or stop asking why

14

Random #45

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.

You probably can’t.

You know the month, the year, the day of the week.

There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car.

You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie.

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored.

Birds are not late.

A dog does not check its watch.

Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.

Man alone measures time.

Man alone chimes the hour.

And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.

A fear of time running out.

The Time Keeper – Mitch Albom

5

Poles Apart

I still cry myself to sleep

Not that you’d know

You selfish creep

You think because

We all lost him

That we both feel the same

But you’ve really got

No fucking clue

How I live each day in pain

24

Blowing It

It seems that I am destined

To forever rue the day

I didn’t just pack up my bags

And simply walk away

4

The Over 40’s Club

Let’s both jump

Into this taxi

Please just take me home

And have me

I’m done waiting

Now is our time

Let’s grasp this moment

Whilst we’re in our prime

15

Sown Up

I don’t feel better

I haven’t forgotten

I’ve just stopped telling you

How I feel

13

I Wish

I wish that I had asked you more

I wish I’d kissed you each day

I wish that I had really made sure

I wish I’d begged you to stay

Xxx

14

Struck

All
my
life

I’ve
waited
for this

The
feeling
of certainty

That
thunderbolt
kiss

9

High School Reunions

I
wonder
what

You’d
think
of me
now

Fat,
forty
and
fucked

Would
you
still
love me
forever

Want
to be
together
whatever

Or be
thankful
for the
bullet
you
ducked

21

The Coup

If
I could
do it
over
again

I
would
change
everything

I’d
be who
I always
wanted
to be

And
I would
be the
king

14

Old News

Some
people
may
have
already

But
I can
never
forget

For
even
after
all
this
time

I’m
still
fucked
in the
head

13

Deciduous

If
only
you
could
come
back
to me

Like
the
leaves
that
grow
on the
cherry
tree

Standing
outside
our
house

You
can’t
know
how
happy
I’d
be

If
once
more
your
face
I could
see

Standing
outside
our
house

8

Galaxies

If
I was
to decide

To
leave
this
place

It
would
still
be you

I’d
find

In
any
time or
space

14

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