Uncovered

All that time

I blamed myself

When you were the one who lied

You have no idea

How much I wish

It wasn’t him, but you, who died

Haywire

One minute I’m up

But then the next I’m down

It’s really hard

To fake this smile

When it’s easier to frown

Crocodile Tears

Go ahead and cry

Motherfucker

I really wish you would

For we’ll see tomorrow

If this little stage show

Has done you any good

The Expert

You just have to remember

He said

You can’t pour from an empty cup

Well mine is smashed to smithereens

She said

So how the fuck do I fill it up?

Insurance

What is it going to take

He said

For you to open up to me?

Another bottle of wine for starters

She said

And a money back guarantee

Protection

Why don’t you tell him what happened

He said

Instead of just writing it down

Because I don’t want him to know

She said

I couldn’t bear to see his frown

Self Talk

If I don’t talk about myself negatively

She said

Then I’ve got nothing much to say

Well perhaps I can try to help you

He said

See yourself in a different way

Grief Counselling

Why did you come here

He said

What exactly did you expect

Well they told me if I did

She said

That I’d feel less bereft

The Old Crone

Please

She said

Pay me no mind

And try not think of me unkind

For I am

She said

To madness inclined

And peace I can no longer find

Bodily Functions

If I could

He said

I really would love

To lie with you forever, like this

Really

She said

I couldn’t be arsed

Now shift – I need a piss

Conflicting Stories

I gave you everything I could

He said

Even if you don’t remember it

You gave me hell, heartbreak and hepatitis

She said

And your dope was shit

Rolling Out The Red Carpet

Presenter 1: ‘And the award for the biggest lie of them all goes to…’

(drum roll)

Presenters 1 & 2 in unison: ‘…I’m Fine!’

(applause)

Voiceover: ‘And collecting the award tonight are Honestly and I Promise, who both played a key role in supporting I’m Fine in the 2020 film ‘How Are You Today’

Up Front

Go on then pal 

Unbutton your flies

Let's see what

You've got tonight

Does that bulge

In your jeans

Really mean

What I think it means

Will you actually have

Enough in there to please

Or are you just

A pretentious tease...

Bluntly

Do you believe in soulmates

He asked

As he lay back in the bed

No

She said, bluntly

Now can we just fuck instead

Cheapskate

You may as well keep the ring

He said

I’ve got no use for it

I’d rather keep my dignity

She said

Than this worthless piece of shit

My Advice

Do as I say 
Not as I do

I wouldn't
want this pain

Inflicted
on you

(Originally Posted 10.03.2019)

 

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