Help Me

I never used to be like this, she said,

I used to be brave.

What happened to you, he asked,

Why did you cave?

The world happened, she replied,

You wouldn’t understand.

Why don’t you try me, he implored,

As he reached for her hand.

19/07/2019 9

‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of… ‘

Death.

The ultimate break up.

18/07/2019 7

Just Because I’m Yawning, Doesn’t Mean I’m Tired

The restlessness
has started

Sleep is refusing
to advance

Body and soul
have departed

Having led me
a merry dance

18/07/2019 0

Written In The Stars

When you
fall in
love with
complicated people

Be prepared
for it to
end in a
complicated way

And for you
to be left
searching for
an explanation

Forever

18/07/2019 2

Wednesday 11am (Pt 2)

So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed

And it’s been a
shitty day so far,
just as I said

So I was right,
I should never
have tried

For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside

17/07/2019 5

Wednesday 2.30am (Pt 1)

I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow

No doubt
it’ll just
be more misery
and sorrow

Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed

Then I might
just escape
these thoughts
in my head

17/07/2019 3

When Will It End?

Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.

Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.

When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?

17/07/2019 0

Water

It’s
amazing
the
difference
a shower
can make

Inside
and
out…

16/07/2019 0

The Time Waster

I cannot
believe
after all
this time
I’m still
stuck in
your trap.

Quietly
putting up
with your
bullshit and
listening
to all
your crap.

If I have
to spend one
more minute
with you
I think
that I’ll
be sick.

Never
before
have I
wasted my
time on
such an
arrogant
little prick.

16/07/2019 4

Depression (Part 2)

Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink shit loads of booze

Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore

Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed

Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known

15/07/2019 3

Family Dinners

Can I be arsed with this?

No.

Do I still have to go?

Yes.

Fuck.

14/07/2019 2

The Struggle

When you see me, you see the finished article.

Washed, dressed, hair in place, make up on and a smile on my face.

But you don’t see what it takes to get there.

You don’t see me trying to muster the strength to open my eyes in the morning.

You don’t see me forcing my weary bones out of bed.

You don’t see me berating myself as I sob in the shower.

You don’t see me looking in the mirror as I question whether or not today is the day.

You don’t see me wracked with indecision on what to wear.

You don’t see me soothing my pain as I twist and pull out my hair.

You don’t see me apply make up in the hope it makes me disappear.

You don’t see me riddled with anxiety as I lurk in the doorway.

You don’t see me breathing deeply before finally pushing open the office door.

When you see me, you see the finished article.

But just because you don’t see the struggle, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

Just because you see me smile, it doesn’t mean it’s real.

How I look, is not how I feel.

13/07/2019 18

Leftovers

A weary,
confused mind.

A hollow,
empty heart.

As bleak as it is,
it’s all I have.

As my life has
fallen apart.

13/07/2019 0

Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns.

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

12/07/2019 0

Crutches

I fear
I have
lent on
you once
too often,
and now
you are
as broken
as me.

I should
never have
asked for
your help,
to be
honest,
as now
you’ll never
be free.