The
figure
creeps
around
outside
As I
watch
the
darkness
descend
I lie
there
rigid,
fraught
with fear
As
I know
how this
will
end
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
The
figure
creeps
around
outside
As I
watch
the
darkness
descend
I lie
there
rigid,
fraught
with fear
As
I know
how this
will
end
Just write it down
They said
How hard can it be
But they’d never encountered
Someone as fucked up as me
I
don’t
know
about
you
But
I can
certainly
say
for
me
That
this
is
definitely
not
Like
I thought
it
would
be
And
so
begins
another
day
Where
I pretend
every
thing
is ok
If
only
there
was
another
way
As I
hate
being
such a
fucking
cliché
Recent
events
have
taken
their
toll
On
my
body
and
my
mind
I
just
wish
I
could
go
back
to
when
I
didn’t
feel
so
sick
inside
I’m
going
back
to bed
It’s
not
worth
staying
awake
From
these
thoughts
in my
head
I need a
fucking
break
Time
drags
on
With
impending
doom
As I
search for
a way
Out
of the
gloom
You say
that
you’ve
had
enough
Well I
ask you –
what
about
me?
Surely
you
won’t
leave me
to drown
In
this
sea
of
hypocrisy?
Amongst
the worst
of the
liesAre the
ones
I tell
myselfFor the
safety
of my
sanityAnd the
goodness
of my
health
Everybody’s
everythingBut
Nobody’s
nothingBoth at
the same
time
It’s
past
midnight
againAnd
still
I’m not
in bedWhen will
they stop
driving
me insaneThese
voices
inside
my head?
I’ll
never
leave
the
house
again
If
that
is
what
you
want
There’s
nothing
out
there
for
me
anyway
Of
that
I’m
confident
I
know
that
you
are
here
to stay
I heard
your
voice
from
miles
away
Telling
them
you
were
coming
for me
And
that
you
would
have
no
sympathy
I’ve
slept
most
of the
night
tonight
And I
haven’t
yet
got
out
of bed
I wish
I could
say
I am
ill or
something
But
it’s
actually
just
apathy
instead
I’ll
see
you
nowRoom
number
threeSo,
what’s
the
matterDon’t
fucking
ask me!
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
Just cheer up
you miserable cunt
Your wallowing
is excruciating
And your self
pity an affront
No
longer
looking for
reasons
to liveRapidly
running
out of
fucks
to give
The
pressure is
on to find
meaning
In
this so
called life
of mine
But I
just can’t
help but
feeling
That it’s
a total
waste
of time
I’d
like to
cancel my
appointment
I don’t
want
to see
you today
What’s
the point
in getting
out of bed
When
you can’t
help me
anyway?
Still here
Still sore
Still hoping
For more
Although
I’m
tiredOf being
someone
I’m notWho
I once
wasI have
now
forgot
The
pain
is
buried
so
deep
She
said
I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
surface
Then
let’s
just
leave
it
there
He
said
Breaking
your
heart
again
isn’t
worth
it
Time to
get some
sleepHe
saidYou can
do that
another dayIf only
it was
that easyShe
saidTo pack
my brain
away
Can we
leave it
there?
She
asks
As I
cannot
take
much
more
You’re
damn
right
He
replies
As he
edges
towards
the door
I used
to careI used
to worryNow I don’t
feel anythingIn a
hurry
If you
keep
pulling
out your
hair
He
said
You
will
end up
going
bald
And
what
exactly
is it
about that
She
said
That
leaves
you so
appalled?
Take
these
pillsTo
cure
your
illsAnd
mend
your
broken
heartThey’ll
give
you
chillsAnd
delay
your
thrillsBut at
least
it’ll
be a
start
I
know
you just
tolerate me
I can
tell by
the way
you smile
It’s
like you
are just
humouring me
The
way you
would
a child
Am I over
tired
Or am I just
plain sad
Am I far
too wired
Or simply
going mad
Does it
really matter
For I think
we can deduct
That as I can’t
stop this chatter
Either way
I’m fucked
I
don’t
mind
being
asleep
It’s the
waking
up I
don’t
care
for
Life
is full
of false
starts
and
dead
endsThe
trick
is to
bail out
before
delirium
descends
I’ve
never
thought
of myself
as strong
But I
suppose
I have
stuck
it out
this
long
Although
somewhat
broken,
bloodied
and
bruised
I’m
very
much
still
here
to light
the fuse
I’m
feeling
quite
happy
today
Most
things
are
going
well
Surely
it’s
only a
matter
of time
Before
I’m sent
straight
back
to hell
As the
silence
growsEver
louderI sit
and
wonderIs this
it now?
I have
to say
I’ve
had
enoughSurely
no one
can be
this
tough
From
happy
souls
the
lifeblood
drains
Until
nothing
but
the
darkness
remains
My chest
feels heavy
My throat
is tight
Wondering
whose feelings
I will hurt
tonight
Weeping
againWeathered
by tearsTrying
againTethered
by fears
As
bad
decisions
come
back
to say
hello
I
wish
I
knew
what
to do
For
now
my
life
has
fallen
apart
And it
feels
so
empty
without
you
All is quiet
All is still
Thank fuck
For that glass of wine
And the extra pill
Spending
all day
Tired
as fuck
But when
bedtime comes
There’s no
such luck
Trying
hard
to
survive
This
thing
called
life
Hoping
to fend
off the
madness
Striving
so
much
to find
Heartening
peace
of
mind
Hiding
under my
duvet of
sadness
Have
I
done
the
wrong
thing
again?
I
suppose
only
time
will
tell
Until
then
I’ll
try to
keep
myself
sane
Whilst
preparing
to
burn
in
hell
However
hard I
look
for you
You’re not
here to
help me
through
So with
no one
else to
turn to
I’ll just
struggle on
without
a clue
Nothing makes
me happy
Nothing makes
me smile
There’s nothing left
to look forward to
Nothing that
feels worthwhile
Still
here
tryingYet
always
cryingMind
constantly
vyingBetween
living
and dying
I really
can’t be
arsed
I’d rather
just stay
in bed
I’m not in
the mood for
such jollity
Preferring
melancholy,
as I do, instead
Only ever
Fleetingly happy
But always
Desperately sad
Forever trying
To be good
Whilst contemplating
Being bad
I can’t
wait to
go home
This year
I just wish
you were
coming
with me
Xxx
Just piss
off with your
Christmas shitAll this
Ho, Ho,
Fucking Ho…Not
everyone
appreciates itSome of us
are depressed,
you know
I think
these pills
have
stopped
workingThey
have
become
just a
tokenFor
they no
longer
take away
the hurtingFrom a
heart
that is
already
broken
Another
day spent
lying
in bedThoughts
racing
through
my headWondering
what it
was you
saidAnd all
the while
wishing
I was dead
I’ve
woken up
on the
sofa
todayNow I
feel
like
a half
shut
knifeI’ve
said it
before
and I’ll
say it
againI
really
fucking
hate
my
life
I’m all
at seaBut no one
sees meGesticulating
wildlyAgainst
the tide
I wish
I spent
more time
sleeping
Instead
of all
this
weeping
It would
be nice to
do some
dreaming
As
opposed
to all this
screaming
Here
Another
pillNow
just
stay
stillDon’t
dare
scratch
that
itchYou’ll
just
pull
out
another
stitchThen
once
again
you
will
bleed
everywhereAnd
I
will
have
to
pretend
I
care
I saw you
in the birds
I heard them
cry your name
Your tears were
in the river
Your passion
in that flame
Watching
over me
Like a shadow
in the night
Trying to give
me comfort
But just giving
me a fright
When
one
door
closes
Just
open it
again
That’s
how
doors
work
You
fucking
idiot
I can’t
be arsed
with any
more todayI’m just
going
to go
to bedAt least
that way I
might get
some respiteFrom the
voices
inside
my head
Mired in madness
Subsumed in sadness
Buried here forever
Lost to blackness
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