Only Traces Left

No matter how hard you strive

To keep a memory alive

They’re always forgotten

In the end


At All

I reach
for your hand,
but it’s not there,
and further into
the abyss
I fall.

I search
for your face,
but you don’t care,
and it’s like we
were never here
at all.

(Originally Posted 20.06.2019)

That It Comes To This

No one talks about you

Anymore

It’s like you were never here

And for that

I’ll never forgive them

On all that I hold dear


Commitment

You were
always so
terrified
that I
would leave.

When,
after all
was said
and done,
I was the
only one
who stayed.

(Originally Posted 05.06.2019)

‘What Do I Do Now?’

Call me pessimistic

But I’m just being real

This isn’t just

What I think

This is exactly how I feel


Cruelty

In a perfect world,

There is someone for everyone.

You meet each other.

You fall in love.

And you stay together,

Forever.

Ours, however, is a cruel world.

There is someone for everyone,

But you might never meet them.

You might never fall in love.

And you might not stay together,

Forever.

Because they might die,

Before you do.

And then, you’re fucked.

(Originally Posted 03.05.2019)

Less For Murder

Nearly nineteen years of my life

That’s what you had when you were alive

And now three years on

Since you’ve been gone

It still feels like me who died


The Debt Collector

You’ve
stolen
my life
from me

In
oh so
many
ways

It may well
have been
you that
died

But
I’m
the one
who pays

(Originally Posted 17.03.2020)

Switching Sides

I felt like this

To begin with

When I still thought I could move on

But now I know

How fucking hard that is

I wish it was me that had gone


Who Goes First

It’s better that I’m living without you

Rather than you living without me

You’d never cope with this pain

It has wrecked me

But it would have destroyed you

And I would have hated that

(Originally Posted 14.03.2019)

A Semi Shared Experience

And still your agony continues

In difference to me

She continues to linger on

Whilst he’s already been set free


Foreboding

It’s all just so wrong

This shouldn’t be happening to you

Not as it hasn’t been that long

Since it happened to me too

I’m not sure how to act

And I’m not sure what to say

For there’s nothing that can take the pain

Of what’s to come away

(Originally Posted 06.03.2020)

#13 The Killer

Let’s have a game

Of hide and seek

I’ll play fair

I won’t peek

It’s the thrill

Of the hunt

That does it

For me

Your actual death

I could take or leave

#9 The Nurse

It was she

Who stopped my hands from shaking

She

Who stopped my head from aching

She

Who stopped my voice from quaking

So why can’t she stop

My heart from breaking?

Some Hit Harder Than Others

You could have been

So much more

But you drank it all away

I know deep down

Your heart was sore

And that you didn’t want to stay

But I wish you knew

How much we cared

And only wanted the best

Now you’re no longer here

We hope

You are finally at rest

(For O.R)

Funeral Arrangements

I took care of everything

But no one took care of me

Did it even occur to you

All that I had been through

And what was then my reality

For L.

I miss you today

More than ever

Sitting outside in

This stunning weather

If only we could meet again

Even after all this time

As we’d still have

Such a fucking laugh

And drain a bottle (or two) of wine

Memorial Memories

It’s been two years since you left me

Sitting all alone in that church

Cold, confused and crying

So painfully in the lurch

But it’s not really his death you know,

That has been the most pernicious

It’s how the rest of you have chosen to be

So incredibly fucking malicious

Fuck You Death

Fuck you death

She said

You really don’t scare me

That’s what you all say

He said

But through your lies I see

If He Goes, I Go

When he asked if she was OK, she smiled and nodded her head.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him she wished that she was dead.

When he brushed the tears from her eyes, she winced and turned away.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him she wished that he could stay.

When he held her for the last time, she knew she would get her wish.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him she’d already planned for this.

(Originally Posted 23.06.2019)

The Siren

I hear her calling my name,
Luring me to the murky depths.

Her song, beckons me.
Her promise, tantalises me.

I am compelled to listen.
I am urged to respond.

But she is all the way out at sea,
And I never learned to swim.

(Originally Posted 23.04.2019)

Murderer

My heart is empty now;
it can never be filled.

My life is over now;
my spirit you have killed.

(Originally Posted 16.07.2019)

Sailing

‘Choppy waters ahead, Captain, but I see dry land on the horizon’.

‘Drop anchor here then, Sailor, for I’d prefer to die in the storm’.

(Originally Posted 27.03.2019)

Shapes

Leave
this
place,
the
light
shape
whispers,
for
it
is
not
your
time.

I’m
staying
here,
the
dark
shape
whispers,
for
now
I
want
what’s
mine.

(Originally Posted 16.05.2019)

God’s Plan

Widowed when you're 38

He said

That's my plan for you

Well all I can say to that

She said

Is seriously, fuck you

(Originally Posted 14.4.2019)

Invisible Injuries

Death leaves
scars on the
hearts of
the living.

Unstitchable
wounds
destined to
irritate those
forced to
bear them,
forever.

(Originally Posted 13.5.2019)

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