"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I can clean it with antiseptic
He said
And cover it with a plaster
It won’t make any difference
She said
It’s still a fucking disaster
Bleeding
It feels
like I’ve
been
robbed,
she said,
Of the
only
love
in my
life
This
pain
just
runs
so deep,
she sobbed,
As it
cuts
through me
like a
knife
(Originally Posted 05.12.2019)
Trying
In vain
To feel alive
There’s one more
Mountain
Left to drive
Hometime
As the hurt starts to subside
And the pain begins to fade
I’m never too far
From the reminder
Grief is still the sharpest blade
(Originally Posted 04.12.2020)
This is still my answer
To most questions nowadays
All since that day
He went away
And I inherently changed
Passive
Who knows
And, quite frankly,
Who cares
(Originally Posted 27.11.2020)
When I think over
These last few years
I really have suffered a lot
So my house may well
Now be up for sale
But my heart definitely is not
Home Sweet Home
They say
you can
never go
home
again
And I’m
starting
to believe
that’s
true
For all
that resides
here now
is a world
of pain
And
far too
many
memories
of you
(Originally Posted 17.11.2019)
You’re in a safe space here
She said
I’ve helped people like you before
The only reason that worked
She said
Is because they wanted to talk
The Rebuttal
You
know
nothing
about me
You
sanctimonious
cunt
Now fuck
off and
leave me
alone
(Originally Posted 15.11.2019)
I guess I hadn’t realised
Others would dream about their dead
That it’s not just me
At the mercy
Of the thoughts inside their head
What I never expected, however,
Is their dreams seem to be quite pleasant
Not like mine
Where he’s still dying
And fear is ever-present
Now I’m wondering how they do it
And if I could control my dreams
As to see him smile
Just for a while
May well reduce my screams
‘You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone ‘
It’s
only
now
I dream
of
you
Now
that
you
are
dead
If
only
you
were
still
here
And
not
just
inside
my
head
Xxx
(Originally Posted 12.11.2020)
That day
Still comes
Every year
Despite
My avoidance
As it
Draws near
One Year Ago
If I
just
don’t
think
about
it
Then
maybe
that
day
won’t
come
I’m
just
not
sure
I can
face it
When
all
is
said
and
done
(Originally Posted 11.11.2019)
This is what, ultimately,
Was the cause of it all
When he’d reached the end
And I needed a friend
It wasn’t her I wanted to call
Not Everybody Hurts The Same
Privacy
is not
allowed,
it seems
When
you’re
trying
to grieve
People
get pissed
off,
it seems
If you don’t
wear your
heart on
your sleeve
(Originally Posted 03.11.2019)
It’s alright for you
As all you need to do
Is remember him
On special occasions
Well I feel that way
Every fucking day
So you’ll never know
My frustrations
Clueless
You
think
you
know
But
you
have
no clue
What
I’ve
had to
let go
Or
what I
still go
through
(Originally Posted 30.10.2019)
Three years on
And here I am
Having been kept waiting
With my life on hold
My heart stone cold
And my tears still accumulating
Tell Me
Do
these
tears
ever
stop?
(Originally Posted 28.10.2019)
Another well meaning question
Asked way too expectantly
Answered without hesitation
Although far too respectfully
Tight Lipped
I am
not
trying
to be
mean
Or to
cause
yet
another
scene
So before
my fuse
is well
and truly
blown
Please
just piss
off and
leave me
alone
(Originally Posted 26.10.2019)
I must be one of those people
Who really gets off on pain
As since he died
On this song I’ve imbibed
Again and again and again
Masochism
Every time
I hear
this song
It brings
tears to
my eyes
And pain
to my
heart
A reminder of
all I’ve come
to despise
And how
we’ll forever
be apart
I should
just press
stop
Switch
off the
laptop
And
walk
away…
(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)
All those little things
That you think matter
Mean literally nothing
When your heart is shattered
Flowers
You never
once
bought
me flowers
Which used
to make
me mad
Now I don’t
give a fuck
about any
of that stuff
I just
want you
back
(Originally Posted 20.10.2019)
If you’ve ever planned a funeral
Then I’m sure you’ll relate to this
It’s easy not to crack
When focused on the task
But when it’s done, you fall to shit
Keeping Busy
It’s been
a busy
few days
In
many
ways
But now all
my tasks are
completed
So with
nothing
left to do
I’ll soon
be thinking
of you
And how
I’ve been left
feeling cheated
(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)
It will soon be three years
Without him here
And I know time is supposed to fly
But it feels like just yesterday
That he was my mainstay
So I’m not ready for some other guy
The Anniversary
It will
soon be
a year,
without
you here,
and I
don’t
know
what
to do.
For I’m
still
nowhere
near,
facing
my fear,
or the
reality
of losing
you.
Xxx
(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)
Though it took a while
For me to smile
Still, it is artificial
Any feeling of mirth
For what it’s worth
Is purely superficial
Emotional Flux
The guilt
I feel
when
I smile
Consumes
my day
and night
Perhaps I
should
just wait
a while
Before
thinking
it’s alright
(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)
I would be lying
If, after he lay dying,
I said I returned all of his medication
That I didn’t at least keep some
To peruse and choose from
In any future difficult situation
Well, in fact, I did
And with how many I hid
I could have force fed the nation
So, dead behind the eyes,
Full of prescribed pills and otherwise
I fulfilled each and every obligation
Acceptance
I
asked
the
doctor
When
will the
tablets
work?
When do
they take
away my
hurt?
Nothing
will
do that,
she said
They
only
make it
so you
get out
of bed
I
asked
the
doctor
Are
you
sure?
Won’t
you do
something
more?
There’s
nothing
else I
can do,
she said
You just
have to
accept
that he
is dead
(Originally Posted 12.10.2019)
Why don’t you just move on
They ask
And find another man
I’ve neither the inclination
I reply
Or the attention span
Stupid Questions
Do
you
still
think
of him
They
ask
Every
single
day
I
reply
Will
you
ever
stop
They
ask
Not
until
the
day
I die
(Originally Posted 08.10.2020)
I remember there was
A lot of this back then
People calling, fawning,
And trying to be my friend
Now I think about it, perhaps,
They just didn’t know what to say
But at the time I recall how much I wished
They’d just stayed the fuck away
Fake Flowers
Your fake
concern
disgusts me
Your false
condolences
knock me sick
If you
really want
to comfort me
Just piss off
and leave me
alone,
Prick
(Originally Posted 07.10.2019)
I’ve actually done
Pretty well to be fair
Staying on here
With all this pain to bear
I guess I have found ways
To make it my own
But this place will never not be
Our forever home
Haunted
Death
peers in
through
the gloom
As I
lie here
alone in
this room
Upon
this bed
we once
shared
Crying for
the love
we once
declared
(Originally Posted 06.10.2019)
I probably did write this
On a Tuesday
Fuelled by coffee
And nicotine
But in truth
This could’ve been posted
On any given day
Back in twenty nineteen
Tuesday
I called in sick for work today.
My heart just couldn’t come out to play.
All I’ve done is lie in bed
Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.
With nausea consuming every movement,
My mood shows no sign of any improvement.
I hate existing like this.
Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.
I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal
Before I decide to end it all for real
(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)
It’s never too far away
That shadow
I see it from the corner
Of my eye
An ever present reminder
Of what we lost
And when we had
To say goodbye
Mourning
Darkness
casts a
shadow
over my
head
As it
does
over
my
heart
Thoughts
and
dreams
of you
abound
As does
sorrow
that
we’d to
part
(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)
Seriously
They said
Do you have to be so fucking dramatic
One day you will feel the same
She said
When you experience something as tragic
The Double Bed
It’s been so quiet
Since you left
All I hear
Is my own breath
As I lie here alone
And wait for death
(Originally Posted 25.09.2020)
Three years on
And although further forward
By the pain of his death
I am still tortured
At A Bedside, Desolate
There
is no
more
hope.
There
are no
more
dreams.
My life
continues
to fall apart
at the seams,
As I
lie here
thinking
of you.
And
wondering
what the fuck
I’m supposed
to do,
Now.
(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)
That I ever thought
Those pills would work
Is actually quite preposterous
For I have found
To my cost
That the pit of my stomach is bottomless
Prescription For A Broken Heart
I took
the first
one this
morning
The rest
won’t be
hard to
swallow
Soon
my belly
will be
full
And I’ll
no longer
feel so
hollow
(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)
To be fair
I have gotten better
I can look at a photo
Or read a letter
But I find it best
Not to get too immersed
Because, after all,
It still fucking hurts
Wall Art
I can’t
look at
your
photos
anymore
They make
my heart
too heavy
and my eyes
too sore
(Originally Posted 20.09.2019)
I still don’t really understand
Why I was left feeling so at sea
As I was always the one
Who steadied our ship
It’s not like you ever looked after me
Without You
Life
is just
shit
without
you
I’ve got
nothing
left to
hold
on to
If
only
you were
still
here
Then I’d
have
nothing
left
to fear
(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)
You really have to stop hoping
She said
That all of this will end
To think you’ll ever be free
She said
Really is madness my friend
Sunrise
I woke
up crying
again today
So much so
I struggled
to breathe
How much
longer must
I endure this?
When is
there an end
to this grief
(Originally Posted 18.09.2019)
Modern medicine hasn’t helped
She said
No pill or therapy
Then you’ve done the right thing
It said
By coming to talk to me
Witchcraft
I thought
talking
would make
it easier
But if
anything
it’s made
it worse
It seems
there is
nothing
I can do
To rid
myself
of this
curse
(Originally Posted 18.09.2019)
Grief doesn’t come with a manual
And neither, you’ll find, does life
So you just have to go on
Now they’re gone
And hope that you stay alive
NUMB
I
didn’t
think
It
would
be
like
this
Whatever
this
is
(Originally Posted 17.09.2019)
When feelings
Are so intrinsic
Language
Is best kept simplistic
Random #19
It
just
fucking
hurts
(Originally Posted 14.09.2019)
I guess
Looking back
You can’t be sure
Why you did the things you did
Reflection, it seems,
Isn’t for the dead
It is the curse
For those who live
Happy
I
miss
you
I
miss
us
I wish we
could just
go back
To
how it
was
Before
all
of this
Before
things turned
to shit
And we
were
happy
Because
we were
happy
I
was
happy
Wasn’t I?
(Originally Posted 13.09.2019)
I know you’re looking
To me for help
But I am just
As clueless myself
I’m Sorry
It hurt
to see
the pain
in your
eyes
I felt
every
ache
of your
heart
If only
I could
ease the
anguish
you feel
But
I’ve no
wisdom
left to
impart
(Originally Posted 10.09.2019)
Nothing prepares them
For what’s to come
The devastation
And then some
All I can say
As I watch them have fun
Is just be there for them
When they are done
Piercing
It looks
like this
situation
I may have
misjudged
As not
once did I
think it
would hurt
this much
(Originally Posted 09.09.2019)
I booked the day off work today
As I knew I’d want to be alone
I wouldn’t want to see anyone
Or even speak on the phone
It’s not that I’m ungrateful
Or I don’t appreciate the intent
But people just don’t realise
That, emotionally, I’m spent
Rest In Peace
Someone
sent me
flowers
today
And for
their
kindness
I was
thankful
But
I still
chucked
them
in the
bin
For of
condolences
I’ve had
a tankful
(Originally Posted 08.09.2020)
It takes me by surprise
Every year
If I can just yet through that day,
I think,
Then everthing will be ok
But it’s not
A Hard Week
Now that
the darkness
has descended
All my
happiness
has ended
Deep into
my soul
I have delved
And all
future plans
I have shelved
(Originally Posted 06.09.2019
I went back to work too early
Of that I have no doubt
But with bills to pay
Much to my dismay
I had no choice but to force myself out
Tuesday
I called in sick for work today.
My heart just couldn’t come out to play.
All I’ve done is lie in bed
Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.
With nausea consuming every movement,
My mood shows no sign of improvement.
I hate existing like this.
Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.
I wonder how much more I can conceal
Before I decide to end it for real
(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)
I couldn’t begin tell you
How true this one still is
As even now I spend each morning
Screaming into the abyss
#7 The Banshee
After all the wailing
And gnashing of teeth
There’s no point in being violent
From now on
With my spirit long gone
All my screams will be silent
(Originally Posted 02.09.2021)
This was so true
For much of that first year
In fact it’s only now
I have realised
How much his illness
And his death
Had left me
Paralysed
The Robbery
Your illness
robbed you
of your life
And it
robbed me
of my mind
Your death
still cuts me
like a knife
So now
to madness
I am inclined
(Originally Posted 01.09.2019)
This is it
Where she now lies
The lonely widow
Who always cried
If only she
Had married again
Perhaps she may
Have forgotten her pain
Lovers Reunited
If I
can’t have
the one
that’s gone
then I’ll
just wait
out here,
alone,
until there’s
an end
to all
this pain
and our
hearts can
beat together
again
(Originally Posted 31.08.2019)
All those petty squabbles you had
The cold shoulders and silent treatment
They all come home to roost,
You know,
When you’re dealing with bereavement
Bedtime Bickering
And
you
accuse
me of
being
flirtatious?
When
your
behaviour
tonight
has been
outrageous!
(Originally Posted 30.08.2020)
If I ever get round
To publishing that book
This will be the inscription
Not only does it sound
Like a pretty good hook
It’s also an accurate description
Last Year
It wasn’t
just the
end of us
It was
the end of
everything
Xxx
(Originally Posted 29.08.2019)
I used to hide
So much back then
I’m amazed I got through the day
Reading this I remember
How exhausted I was
Pretending that I was okay
Secret Anxiety
Sickness grows
Frustration shows
Conversation slows
But no one knows
(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)
People say things
Get better with time
Which may be their truth
But it isn’t mine
Not Long Now
Each day brings
Yet more false hope
Along with an another
Earth shattering new low
I really am just
Biding my time now
Waiting until
It’s my turn to go
(Originally Posted 27.08.2019)
Then you asked
If I got it back
Never
I replied
That was the day
When it all
Went black
And I was forever
Left dead inside
Q&A
You ask
What
I left
Behind
Nothing
I answer
Just
My mind
(Originally Posted 24.08.2020)
You don’t even remember
The time of year
Let alone the date
You’ve moved on
Even though he’s gone
While all I can do is wait
Left
I
missed
you
again
today
Everyone
else
had
gone
away
And
it was
just me
here
alone
Crying
for the
love
I had
once
known
(Originally Posted 19.08.2019)
There were so many photos taken
Back in twenty nineteen
And I had to pose
All alone
With a gap where you should’ve been
Speechless
There is so much
I want to tell you
So many things
I want to share
But my tears flow
all over again
When I realise
you’re not there
(Originally Posted 15.08.2019)
It was about
My job this one
And how I could
No longer empathise
Even three years on
The desire is gone
And my apathy
Pretty hard to disguise
New Life
I’m still
nowhere
near the
same
She
said
Something
inside me has
permanently
changed
I can no
longer
play
this game
She
said
Unless a
new life
can be
arranged
(Originally Posted 14.08.2019)
Stain free
Pain free
Neither really
Matter to me
As I’m still mad
And deeply sad
That this is how
It has to be
Only Sadness Remains
I wander barefoot
in the rain
Trying to wash
away your stain
Now that I’m left
in eternal pain
I’d give anything
to laugh again
(Originally Posted 12.08.2019)
I still don’t know
What the fuck to do
Even though today
I’m forty two
Entering My Fifth Decade
So I
turned
forty
today
And
what
exactly
did
I do?
Nothing
But
drink,
smoke
and cry
too much
Like
every
other
day
Without
you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 08.08.2020)
I don’t
know
what you
expected
You knew
something
inside me
had changed
It wasn’t
just your
advances
I rejected
It was
from
everyone
I abstained
Robotic
Take
that
look
off
your
face
You
can
hardly
be
surprised
You
know
my heart
cannot
race
And
I’m
dead
behind
the
eyes
(Originally Posted 04.08.2020)
Take all of your keepsakes
They say
And put them in a box
That way you will always have
A reminder of who you’ve lost
But not everything can be locked away
And it’s those things that you miss
It’s not like a shirt can replace a hug
Or a photo a kiss
Sense (less)
I’m starting to forget.
Your face,
Your voice,
Your touch.
I don’t like it.
(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)
There’s a chance this one might work
He said
Proffering her a wand
She near broke his hand
As she snatched it and ran
Before he could even respond
The Magic Shop
What
brings
you
here
He
said
What
can
I do
for
you?
I
just
need
a spell
She
said
To
make
it not
be
true
(Originally Posted 29.07.2020)
I’m not sure if I’m a masochist
Or just fittingly sentimental
But ever since that day
I haven’t put it away
Which surely can’t be coincidental
The Back of the Wardrobe
I foolishly
made a
mistake
today
I opened
the box
I’d hidden
away
Where the
memories of
our lives
are kept
Along with
all the
tears I’ve
wept
(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)
Things were so hard
For me back then
Every day
My outlook was bleak
And though the worst has passed
I still feel downcast
For at least
One day each week
Not Today
No-one can shield me,
from this pain within.
Nothing can soothe me,
now the rot has set in.
(Originally Posted 24.07.2019)
Misery loves company
Isn’t that what they say?
Well you and I know
We feel that with gusto
So neither of us
Will be walking way
Bonding
Admit it.
You hate this as much as I do.
It’s what keeps us together.
(Originally Posted 20.07.2019)
They tell you that
It’s time that heals
But time moves
So fucking slowly
In fact all time does do
Is exacerbate the issue
When you’re this heartbroken
And lonely
When Will It End?
Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.
Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.
When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
Now the worst has happened
And the handover is complete
There is nothing I can say or do
To help him back to his feet
Handover
You’ll
never
cope
She
said
When
this
happens
to you
I
know
He
said
I’m
dreading
it too
(Originally Posted 16.07.2020)
I don’t know what I’d do
If I didn’t have you
You were the only one
To keep me sane
It was like you knew
What I was going through
And how to help me
Feel like me again
Grounding
Thanks for talking to me
He said
I hope it was of some worth
Thank you so much for listening
She said
It has brought me back to earth
(Originally Posted 15.07.2021)
I’m sure you didn’t mean it
That way
That you were just trying
To help me through
But wheeling out those lines
As I lost my mind
Did nothing
But make me hate you
Know-It-All
What
doesn’t
kill me
might
make
me
stronger
But
it
also
makes
me
sick
So
you
can
shove
your
aphorisms
Up
your
arse
You
condescending
prick
(Originally Posted 13.07.2020)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
You must be logged in to post a comment.