Category: Grieving

Rarer

I can get through

Most days now

Without crying

Over you

But sometimes it hits

Like a ton of bricks

And there is nothing

I can do

Recurring

The tears I cried

When you died

Will never fully dry

For with each day

Dawns a new array

Of pain I can’t deny

Xxx

(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)

4

Minutiae

You think that when

Someone dies

It’s the big things

That you’ll miss

But what causes pain

To grieving brain

Is missing the small things

That they did

Even A Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day

I can’t
even
change

The time
on the
oven

It’s just
one more
thing

I have
discovered

Since
you’ve
gone

(Originally Posted 04.01.2020)

2

Living On The Edge

All those years

Spent with you

Silently

Being driven mad

But there’s no denying

(So it’s pointless trying)

That they were the best

I’ve ever had

Taking Things For Granted

I always
thought
being
with you
was hell

Seems
the boredom
of being
without you
is worse

Xxx

(Originally Posted 03.01.2022)

2

Getting By

I know you put

A brave face on

I know as I did it

Myself

Not just because

You’re thinking of others

But more to protect

Yourself

Are You Okay?

I want to ask

But I’m far too scared

For I already know

As into those depths

I’ve stared

(Originally Posted 02.01.2020)

4

Missing The Boat

It’ll most likely be

Like the last four

Wondering what the fuck

I stuck around for

20/20

However
will I
make it
through

Another
year
without
you?

(Originally Posted 31.12.2019)

2

Getting Off Lightly

Grief affects everyone

In many different ways

Yet some among us

Prove lucky enough

To escape the daily malaise

Poles Apart

I still cry myself to sleep

Not that you’d know

You selfish creep

You think because

We all lost him

That we both feel the same

But you haven’t got

A fucking clue

Of how I live each day in pain

(Originally Posted 30.12.2020)

2

Looking On

Of course I remember

How it feels

Down to the very last letter

But it wouldn’t matter

What I tried

Nothing can make it better

Utterly Helpless

I really wish
I could do more

Like pick you up
from the bathroom floor

Hug you when
your heart is breaking

Give you comfort
when your bones are aching

But for as much as
your pain to me is known

This is a journey
you must walk alone

(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)

10

Firsts

There was nothing else

That I could do

Nothing else

That I could say

Other than

To remind them all

That it’s just

Another day

Brutal Honesty

I wish
I could
take

Your
pain
away

Tell
you
everything

Will
be
okay

But
I know
the truth

It
doesn’t
get
better

When
what
you had

Is lost
forever

(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)

2

‘Blue Christmas’

It’s the time of year

Again

For that age old

Platitude

The one I’m expected

To receive

With a kindly

Gratitude

“It must be hard for you”

They say

“Especially at this time of year”

I want

To say

It’s hard

Every day

But that’s not

What they want to hear

Who The Fuck Are ‘They’ Anyway?

Time heals

Or so they say

Well, let me tell you

They fucking lie

Time does nothing

But march on

And you’re left

With no right to reply

(Originally Posted 22.12.2021)

0

Terminal

I’m not sure
Who suffers more
Those who are
Oblivious
Or those who know
What’s in store

Identity Crisis

In
some
ways
losing
myself
has
been
harder
than
losing
you

(Originally Posted 22.12.2019)

0

Clocking In

Never

Do I feel this more

Than each time I walk

Through that door

Sown Up

I don’t feel better.

I haven’t forgotten.

I’ve just stopped telling you,

How I feel.

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)

0

Only The Half Of It

Reading this one back again

I feel so sorry for her

Clearly she lost more,

When he died,

Than her words could ever infer

I Can’t Bring You Back Though, Can I?

I can look at your photo

I can whisper your name

I can press your shirt

Against my face

But nothing feels the same

(Originally Posted 11.12.2020)

0

The Lochaber Traverse

I gave away

Your boots today

To a charity shop

For next time I know

I’ll be walking alone

All along that rugged hilltop

Gone For Good

What I have lost

Can’t be replaced

For our footsteps

Can’t be retraced

(Originally Posted 10.12.2019)

2

Sleeping Alone

I thought having sex with strangers

Would get him out of my head

And though it filled a hole

That wasn’t my goal

So now it’s back to my own bed

Going Too Far

Lying
here
alone

In
this
strange
bed

Wondering
what the
fuck

Was
in my
head

Now I
must
ignore

This
feeling
of dread

And
stop
wishing
that I’d

Stayed
home
instead

(Originally Posted 07.12.2020)

2

It’ll Need Stitches

I can clean it with antiseptic

He said

And cover it with a plaster

It won’t make any difference

She said

It’s still a fucking disaster

Bleeding

It feels
like I’ve
been
robbed,
she said,

Of the
only
love
in my
life

This
pain
just
runs
so deep,
she sobbed,

As it
cuts
through me
like a
knife

(Originally Posted 05.12.2019)

4

Alt. 670m (2199ft)

Trying

In vain

To feel alive

There’s one more

Mountain

Left to drive

Hometime

As the hurt starts to subside

And the pain begins to fade

I’m never too far

From the reminder

Grief is still the sharpest blade

(Originally Posted 04.12.2020)

6

Death Changes Everything

This is still my answer

To most questions nowadays

All since that day

He went away

And I inherently changed

Passive

Who knows

And, quite frankly,

Who cares

(Originally Posted 27.11.2020)

4

Upping Sticks

When I think over

These last few years

I really have suffered a lot

So my house may well

Now be up for sale

But my heart definitely is not

Home Sweet Home

They say
you can
never go
home
again

And I’m
starting
to believe
that’s
true

For all
that resides
here now
is a world
of pain

And
far too
many
memories
of you

(Originally Posted 17.11.2019)

0

Sown Shut

You’re in a safe space here

She said

I’ve helped people like you before

The only reason that worked

She said

Is because they wanted to talk

The Rebuttal

You
know
nothing
about me

You
sanctimonious
cunt

Now fuck
off and
leave me
alone

(Originally Posted 15.11.2019)

8

Lucid Dreaming

I guess I hadn’t realised

Others would dream about their dead

That it’s not just me

At the mercy

Of the thoughts inside their head

What I never expected, however,

Is their dreams seem to be quite pleasant

Not like mine

Where he’s still dying

And fear is ever-present

Now I’m wondering how they do it

And if I could control my dreams

As to see him smile

Just for a while

May well reduce my screams

‘You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone ‘

It’s
only
now
I dream
of
you

Now
that
you
are
dead

If
only
you
were
still
here

And
not
just
inside
my
head

Xxx

(Originally Posted 12.11.2020)

13

“The Inexorable March Of Time”

That day

Still comes

Every year

Despite

My avoidance

As it

Draws near

One Year Ago

If I
just
don’t
think
about
it

Then
maybe
that
day
won’t
come

I’m
just
not
sure
I can
face it

When
all
is
said
and
done

(Originally Posted 11.11.2019)

4

The Split

This is what, ultimately,

Was the cause of it all

When he’d reached the end

And I needed a friend

It wasn’t her I wanted to call

Not Everybody Hurts The Same

Privacy
is not
allowed,
it seems

When
you’re
trying
to grieve

People
get pissed
off,
it seems

If you don’t
wear your
heart on
your sleeve

(Originally Posted 03.11.2019)

4

Birthdays & Christmases

It’s alright for you

As all you need to do

Is remember him

On special occasions

Well I feel that way

Every fucking day

So you’ll never know

My frustrations

Clueless

You
think
you
know

But
you
have
no clue

What
I’ve
had to
let go

Or
what I
still go
through

(Originally Posted 30.10.2019)

0

How Much Longer?

Three years on

And here I am

Having been kept waiting

With my life on hold

My heart stone cold

And my tears still accumulating

Tell Me

Do
these
tears
ever
stop?

(Originally Posted 28.10.2019)

8

The Dance

Another well meaning question

Asked way too expectantly

Answered without hesitation

Although far too respectfully

Tight Lipped

I am
not
trying
to be
mean

Or to
cause
yet
another
scene

So before
my fuse
is well
and truly
blown

Please
just piss
off and
leave me
alone

(Originally Posted 26.10.2019)

0

Stuck On Repeat

I must be one of those people

Who really gets off on pain

As since he died

On this song I’ve imbibed

Again and again and again

Masochism

Every time
I hear
this song

It brings
tears to
my eyes

And pain
to my
heart

A reminder of
all I’ve come
to despise

And how
we’ll forever
be apart

I should
just press
stop

Switch
off the
laptop

And
walk
away…

(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)

0

All Those Little Things

All those little things

That you think matter

Mean literally nothing

When your heart is shattered

Flowers

You never
once
bought
me flowers

Which used
to make
me mad

Now I don’t
give a fuck
about any
of that stuff

I just
want you
back

(Originally Posted 20.10.2019)

0

When They All Go Home

If you’ve ever planned a funeral

Then I’m sure you’ll relate to this

It’s easy not to crack

When focused on the task

But when it’s done, you fall to shit

Keeping Busy

It’s been
a busy
few days

In
many
ways

But now all
my tasks are
completed

So with
nothing
left to do

I’ll soon
be thinking
of you

And how
I’ve been left
feeling cheated

(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)

4

Not Yet, Anyway

It will soon be three years

Without him here

And I know time is supposed to fly

But it feels like just yesterday

That he was my mainstay

So I’m not ready for some other guy

The Anniversary

It will
soon be
a year,
without
you here,
and I
don’t
know
what
to do.

For I’m
still
nowhere
near,
facing
my fear,
or the
reality
of losing
you.

Xxx

(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)

4

It’s Different Now

Though it took a while

For me to smile

Still, it is artificial

Any feeling of mirth

For what it’s worth

Is purely superficial

Emotional Flux

The guilt
I feel
when
I smile

Consumes
my day
and night

Perhaps I
should
just wait
a while

Before
thinking
it’s alright

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

0

Emergency Supplies

I would be lying

If, after he lay dying,

I said I returned all of his medication

That I didn’t at least keep some

To peruse and choose from

In any future difficult situation

Well, in fact, I did

And with how many I hid

I could have force fed the nation

So, dead behind the eyes,

Full of prescribed pills and otherwise

I fulfilled each and every obligation

Acceptance

I
asked
the
doctor

When
will the
tablets
work?

When do
they take
away my
hurt?

Nothing
will
do that,
she said

They
only
make it
so you
get out
of bed

I
asked
the
doctor

Are
you
sure?

Won’t
you do
something
more?

There’s
nothing
else I
can do,
she said

You just
have to
accept
that he
is dead

(Originally Posted 12.10.2019)

2

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