"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I don’t remember who wrote this
But I can see that she was sad
Understandable, to be fair,
As she’d lost everything she had
2am
I am broken
I am hurt
Words unspoken
Emotion curt
I am sad
I am wrong
Mind mad
Tears throng
I am tired
I am lonely
Memories mired
Despair only
I am weak
I am frail
Burning cheek
Limbs fail
I am down
I am done
Brows frown
Love gone
(Originally posted 04.03.2019)
Don’t bother asking me
As I will only say no
I’m only drinking
To stop me thinking
So I’ll just buy my own
There is no substitution
For what we had
Looking for it again
Will only drive me mad
Time heals
Or so they say
Well, let me tell you
They fucking lie
Time does nothing
But march on
And you’re left
With no right to reply
I suppose
You understand me now
Why I said
What was on my mind
Well don’t expect
Anything from me
As I’ll be paying you back
In kind
How can I stop you feeling so sad
He said
Please,
Just tell me and I’ll do it
I don’t know where to start
She said
And if I did,
I wouldn’t put you through it
I was thinking
Earlier on today
How it really
Would be nice
To go at least
One day
Without
Your bullshit advice
They’re always there
Behind my eyes
Just waiting
For their time to pour
Anything and everything
Can set them free
With no reason why
Or even wherefore
I thought
If I told you
How I felt
That you
Would understand
But now I realise
I was wrong
So I’m stuck
In no man’s land
If only you’d seen
What these eyes have seen
Perhaps then
You could understand
If it was you crying
As he lay dying
You’d know why I made
That demand
I’ve never felt
More alone
Than I do now
In my own home
I wish I could sleep forever
As silly as that seems
For then we’d be together
Happy, in my dreams
As I sat hoping
It wasn’t true
My heart bled out
Waiting for you
I’m still sad
All the time
Not that you’d know
Or care
It was me who lost him
Not you
So take your bullshit
Elsewhere
You’re OK
You know
Most days
You just get on
With things
Then suddenly
Out of nowhere
It hits you
At the foot
Of the stairs
And you weep
As you realise
Most days
Will never
Be the same
Again
How on earth do you cope
He asked
With all the loneliness
You don’t have any choice
She said
When you’ve got no one left
It’s like reading
Someone else’s words
Listening
To someone else’s story
But the heartache
And the pain
That’s still all mine
You must know why
I behave this way
The resignation is clear
On my face
You of all people
Should understand
My need for time
And space
The world didn’t stop
But I did
You all carried on
While I went and hid
We were friends
Before we were lovers
And that’s what I miss
The most
They say after a while
It stops hurting
Yet thirty one months later
I’m still in pain
If anything it feels
Like I’m reverting
Back to those dark old days
Again
Just think about
What I lost
On the day he died
Then ask yourself
If you were me
When would your tears subside?
I didn’t know it would hurt like this
He said
Or what I’d have to go through
There is no way of knowing
She said
Until it happens to you
In the shadows
Is where we’ll meet
To forever dance
Cheek to cheek
As night falls
So does my mood
And I can’t stop crying
Again
I still cry for him at night
You know
There’ll never be a time
I won’t
Just because you’re not here
To wipe away
My tears
Doesn’t mean
I don’t
I may have
A long life left
But what use is it
Without any light
For all of my fire
Has been douted
Ever since
That awful night
How long is normal
To feel empty inside
Because I still do
Ever since he died
My body is numb
Yet my thoughts contrive
To remind me that
I am still alive
We meet again
And my heart soars
But only in my dreams
Then my heart breaks
All over again
To find all is not as it seems
So near
Yet so far
All that’s left
Is this scar
Nothing more
Nothing less
Other than life
In this mess
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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