I once said you were the most powerful man I knew
But you had to go and prove me wrong, didn't you?
xxx
Waiting
It’s like you’ve been round at your pals house for the evening, and you’re going to call me in a minute to tell me you’re on the bus home…
But you never call…
The Only One
You said I was the only one who made you laugh.
You said I was the only one who made you cry.
You said I was the only one that made you feel safe.
You said I was the only one you could trust.
You said I was the only one who made you feel special.
You said I was the only one that mattered.
You said I was the only one who taught you patience.
You said I was the only one who taught you to be happy.
You said I was the only one who taught you to love.
Then you left.
And I was the only one who cried.
Sleepless in Riddrie
It's when I think about you the most.
In the wee small hours,
When I can't sleep.
Because of you.
It's your fault.
I say it often and it's true.
You have no right to make me feel the way you do.
Constant simultaneous conflicting emotions.
I know it's just sex between us.
But I feel more.
I know it's not the same for you.
You love another, after all.
I feel more of a connection.
Not just physically but mentally too.
I know when you are going to call or send a message.
It's no surprise: I sense it.
But I am scared.
I don't know the rules to your game.
I don't have the capacity to learn.
Perhaps I never will.
It's okay for you.
You have been here before.
But I know you will get sick of me, eventually.
And I won't know what else to do.
Xxx
Three Hundred and Sixty Five Days
It is unbelievable to think that trip
was three hundred and sixty five days ago.
Just one anonymous face in a sea of many.
My twenty three year old dream realised.
Outstanding.
There was no way to know then where I would be now.
Here, three hundred and sixty five days on, alone.
I would trade every second of that trip,
to have just one more minute,
with you.
xxx
‘7 months on’
I'm not sure what's worse.
Not knowing, or knowing that I could have known
but was too scared to find out.
If only I wasn't so fucking awkward,
I would know now.
I wouldn't feel the way I do,
thinking every day 'what if?'
I'm sure you've moved on,
but I haven't.
I'm sure it meant nothing to you in the first place,
but it did to me.
I'm sure you don't even care anyway,
but I do.
I want to find out.
I want to know.
But I don't know what to do.
Please let me know how.
Now.
Friday 29th September 2000
It's been a month now since I moved in with you
and I have never been happier.
Truly.
I know now I love you.
For all the good and all the bad - I love you.
I love being near you,
being around you,
and just having conversations with you.
I love looking after you,
making sure you are okay,
and that you are safe in your head and in your heart.
That you can face the day with a smile.
That is what you do for me, after all.
Whatever happens from now on,
I know I will always love you.
I will always want to be with you,
bicker with you and watch TV with you,
drink tea with you and sleep next to you.
Just knowing you are there with me is enough.
Just knowing you love me 'a bit' will be enough.
Only I know how much I love you.
I just hope one day you will feel the same.
I hope, with all my heart and soul, that you do already.
I don't think I've cried this month ... at all.
xxx
Loving You…
feels like I've been thrown into the Loch,
the freezing water sucking me down,
with no one on dry land to throw me a lifeline.
Long Distance Train Journeys
They say you don't know what you have got until it's gone.
And what they say is true.
I understand that now.
Now it's over.
Mind, I never really had you in the first place did I?
It was never official.
It was never a proper relationship.
It was just sex.
Mad, passionate, glorious sex.
Maybe it is my fault.
Maybe I don't take life 'seriously enough'.
All I know is that at 4.08pm my train will leave Central Station
and you will be in Cambuslang.
And I'm going to miss these last seven weeks forever.
xxx
You
You make me feel like I could jump from the top of the world…
…and still survive
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 