Category: Suicide & Self Harming

Underneath It All

And when

I decide

To end it

Know there was nothing

You could’ve done

I just never, ever

Felt happy

I didn’t know how

To have fun

“Burn my body. Let the ashes blow. I am free.”

– Tommy Shelby

2

Purpose

You’ll never know

How many times

I wanted

To walk away

You’ll never know

How many times

You were why

I chose to say

2

Dark, Even For Me

It is

No longer

Up to me

It’s so

Far out

Of my hands

Now

I only hope

For a sturdy rope

And that,

One day,

You’ll understand

2

A Knife’s Edge

It rears it’s head

This time of year

The feeling of wishing

That I wasn’t here

I’ll try to push through

As best as I can

But I’d be lying to say

It wasn’t still a plan

9

Proof

These scars

Are the

Remainder

Of everything

You killed

So now

They’re my

Reminder

That I know

How to rebuild

5

Finding My Own Way

You can tell me ’til

You’re blue in the face

But there’s no way

That I’ll hear it 

It may sound cliché

But for me to stay

You’ll just have

To let me feel it

0

“The Demons In Your Head”

You thought

You’d stop

Didn’t you?

And you’d never

Touch me again

That you wouldn’t

Need knives

Or razor blades

To cope

With all your pain

Yet here you are

With scissors

Poised to plunge

Into your skin

What a stupid bitch

To think you could switch

And that I

Would never win

2

Secluded

Slowly 
I walk 
Along 
The bridge 
Resisting 
The urge 
To jump

But 
I feel
The ringing 
In my ears 
And my heart 
Begin 
To thump 

Now
I have felt
This way 
Before 
And 
I recognise 
The slump

So I go
In search  
Somewhere 
Else
For these 
Feelings 
To dump
12

The Race Against Time

We should plan a trip

He said

Pick a place

Somewhere unique

Perhaps in different

Surroundings

We’d get a better

Chance to speak

I’m not really sure

She said

With my future

Looking so bleak

That I will even make

Tomorrow

Let alone

Next week

0

Lost And Found

There’s no need to worry

She said

I’m not quite on the brink

I just needed peace and quiet

So I came up here to think

Well, that is good to hear

He said

As I was getting quite concerned

And when I saw you leaning over

I have to say my stomach churned

I can see how it looked

She said

But you’ll be reassured to know

I didn’t have any real intention

Of actually letting go

Then, if that’s really true

He said

Let’s both just walk back down

I think I’d be far happier

To see you on solid ground

2

Never To Be Seen Again

Though I caught his eye

As he said goodbye

I couldn’t quite tell

If he would jump

But when he didn’t show up

Later on that month

I knew to the bridge

He had succumbed

4

The Boxing Day Swim

It’s funny how things turn out

She said

As she tugged on her costume straps

When I was here

Last year

She said

My mind had all but collapsed

I knew after I’d entered the water

She said

That there would be no doubt

As I had decided

Feeling like I did

Death was the only way out

But these last few months I have learned

She said

Through medication and therapy

Having survived that blip

A communal dip

Is now more than enough for me

10

Recognition

I saw it in

Your eyes that day

I heard it

In your voice

You, like me,

No longer see

Living

As a choice

0

Autonomy

It won’t be

The fault

Of destiny

Or a hand

Fate fails

To deal

I’ll leave

Unperturbed

And without

A word

Because that’s

How I’ll fucking feel

2

Burnt Out

Lacking in motivation
Devoid of all desire
Wondering if salvation
Is in the funeral pyre

4

Lying In Wait

The rope

Is in

The bin

For now

Having given

That monster

A swerve

But it’s safe

To assume

I can’t give him

Any room

As he’ll have

Kept some back

In reserve

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

And putting the rope

Back in the shed

(Originally Posted 24.02.2021)

2

Sanguine

I wouldn’t expect you

To understand

Your skin acts

As a protective layer

But mine is a seal

To be broken

For discharging misery

And despair

Scenes Some Viewers May Find Upsetting

It’s
not
self harming

It’s
self
soothing

(Originally Posted 10.02.2020)

2

Bridges

On those days

When I feel depressed

And I can’t carry on

Or hope for the best

I know to avoid

The great outdoors

As they’d end up scraping me

Off the floor

You Have Been Warned

I’m
too
scared
to go
out
today

For
the
dark
thoughts
haven’t
gone away

I’m
worried
I’m so
far into
this
slump

That
I may
well
just
decide
to
jump

(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)

2

Calculating

If I were to take

One as prescribed

No doubt I’d feel

The same inside

If I were to take

Two or three

I could cope

Quite easily

If I were to take

Four or five

I’d most likely still

Make it out alive

If I were to take

Six or seven

I’d start knocking on

The door of heaven

If I were to take

Eight or nine

I’d be pretty close

To the finish line

But if I were

To take ten

I’d make sure you never

Saw me again

Dosage Instructions

Please
give me
another
pill to
swallow

For I
don’t
want to
wake up
tomorrow

(Originally Posted 31.01.2020)

4

Care Planning

Suffice it to say

If I had my way

There’d be no fucking risk assessment

I don’t need protecting

Despite your objecting

As in life I have no investment

999

God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead

Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead

(Originally Posted 27.01.2020)

0

Unaffected

It would be really helpful

She said

If you took it down a notch

It’s not like I’m asking for approval

She said

Or for you to fucking watch

Lack Of Understanding

You can’t
keep
hurting
yourself

He
said

For
I can’t
bear to
see it

The
only
problem
is

She
said

It’s
not
about you,
is it?

(Originally Posted 20.01.2020)

2

It’s Not What I Dreamt Of Either

We hate it

They say

When you act that way

Hurting yourself

Really saddens us

If only

I say

There was another way

As this is hardly

Fucking glamorous

Unsafe Thoughts

Please,
take
away
my
knives

And put
those
razors
in the
bin

For
the
urge
to cut
is rising

To
bleed
out the
pain
within

(Originally Posted 09.01.2020)

2

It Always Worked Before

Whether it’s from

The scars on my arms

Or from the words

That I have written

I think it may be best

If I take a rest

And go back

To keeping them hidden

Cutting

I scythe these words

Across the page

To allow my pain to flow

I find it leaves

Much less of a scar

Than some other ways I know

(Originally Posted 05.01.2021)

16

“I Know It’s Gonna Happen Someday”

If some of my poems

Are humorous

Albeit

A little dark

This one

Is deadly serious

And not just

A flippant remark

Hanging Around

I know it’s there

In the shed

Waiting for when

I choose death instead

(Originally Posted 23.12.2020)

2

Trauma Breeds Trauma

It started off

Innocently enough

But the problem was

It worked

The desire then grew

And deep down I knew

How I’d forever quench

My thirst

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

And yet I’m still reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way to cope with this feeling

Other than with a pair of scissors?

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)

0

Submitted

With a mindset shifted

And a choice insisted

An opportunity gifted

And a weight now lifted

Epitaph

Do you
ever wish
you could
just give
up?

Say
right,
that’s it,
I’ve had
enough!

I’m
done
with
all this
fucking
shit

I’m
finally
going
through
with it!

Well
I think
these
things
every
day

Those
words
to easy
for me
to say

And
so, it
seems,
my
demons
have won

For
I can
say now
I am
officially
done

(Originally Posted 13.12.2019)

0

Up ↑