Category: Suicide & Self Harming

A Knife’s Edge

It rears it’s head

This time of year

The feeling of wishing

That I wasn’t here

I’ll try to push through

As best as I can

But I’d be lying to say

It wasn’t still a plan

9

Proof

These scars

Are the

Remainder

Of everything

You killed

So now

They’re my

Reminder

That I know

How to rebuild

5

Finding My Own Way

You can tell me ’til

You’re blue in the face

But there’s no way

That I’ll hear it 

It may sound cliché

But for me to stay

You’ll just have

To let me feel it

0

“The Demons In Your Head”

You thought

You’d stop

Didn’t you?

And you’d never

Touch me again

That you wouldn’t

Need knives

Or razor blades

To cope

With all your pain

Yet here you are

With scissors

Poised to plunge

Into your skin

What a stupid bitch

To think you could switch

And that I

Would never win

2

Secluded

Slowly 
I walk 
Along 
The bridge 
Resisting 
The urge 
To jump

But 
I feel
The ringing 
In my ears 
And my heart 
Begin 
To thump 

Now
I have felt
This way 
Before 
And 
I recognise 
The slump

So I go
In search  
Somewhere 
Else
For these 
Feelings 
To dump
12

The Race Against Time

We should plan a trip

He said

Pick a place

Somewhere unique

Perhaps in different

Surroundings

We’d get a better

Chance to speak

I’m not really sure

She said

With my future

Looking so bleak

That I will even make

Tomorrow

Let alone

Next week

0

Lost And Found

There’s no need to worry

She said

I’m not quite on the brink

I just needed peace and quiet

So I came up here to think

Well, that is good to hear

He said

As I was getting quite concerned

And when I saw you leaning over

I have to say my stomach churned

I can see how it looked

She said

But you’ll be reassured to know

I didn’t have any real intention

Of actually letting go

Then, if that’s really true

He said

Let’s both just walk back down

I think I’d be far happier

To see you on solid ground

2

Never To Be Seen Again

Though I caught his eye

As he said goodbye

I couldn’t quite tell

If he would jump

But when he didn’t show up

Later on that month

I knew to the bridge

He had succumbed

4

The Boxing Day Swim

It’s funny how things turn out

She said

As she tugged on her costume straps

When I was here

Last year

She said

My mind had all but collapsed

I knew after I’d entered the water

She said

That there would be no doubt

As I had decided

Feeling like I did

Death was the only way out

But these last few months I have learned

She said

Through medication and therapy

Having survived that blip

A communal dip

Is now more than enough for me

10

Recognition

I saw it in

Your eyes that day

I heard it

In your voice

You, like me,

No longer see

Living

As a choice

0

Autonomy

It won’t be

The fault

Of destiny

Or a hand

Fate fails

To deal

I’ll leave

Unperturbed

And without

A word

Because that’s

How I’ll fucking feel

2

Burnt Out

Lacking in motivation
Devoid of all desire
Wondering if salvation
Is in the funeral pyre

4

Lying In Wait

The rope

Is in

The bin

For now

Having given

That monster

A swerve

But it’s safe

To assume

I can’t give him

Any room

As he’ll have

Kept some back

In reserve

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

And putting the rope

Back in the shed

(Originally Posted 24.02.2021)

2

Sanguine

I wouldn’t expect you

To understand

Your skin acts

As a protective layer

But mine is a seal

To be broken

For discharging misery

And despair

Scenes Some Viewers May Find Upsetting

It’s
not
self harming

It’s
self
soothing

(Originally Posted 10.02.2020)

2

Bridges

On those days

When I feel depressed

And I can’t carry on

Or hope for the best

I know to avoid

The great outdoors

As they’d end up scraping me

Off the floor

You Have Been Warned

I’m
too
scared
to go
out
today

For
the
dark
thoughts
haven’t
gone away

I’m
worried
I’m so
far into
this
slump

That
I may
well
just
decide
to
jump

(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)

2

Calculating

If I were to take

One as prescribed

No doubt I’d feel

The same inside

If I were to take

Two or three

I could cope

Quite easily

If I were to take

Four or five

I’d most likely still

Make it out alive

If I were to take

Six or seven

I’d start knocking on

The door of heaven

If I were to take

Eight or nine

I’d be pretty close

To the finish line

But if I were

To take ten

I’d make sure you never

Saw me again

Dosage Instructions

Please
give me
another
pill to
swallow

For I
don’t
want to
wake up
tomorrow

(Originally Posted 31.01.2020)

4

Care Planning

Suffice it to say

If I had my way

There’d be no fucking risk assessment

I don’t need protecting

Despite your objecting

As in life I have no investment

999

God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead

Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead

(Originally Posted 27.01.2020)

0

Unaffected

It would be really helpful

She said

If you took it down a notch

It’s not like I’m asking for approval

She said

Or for you to fucking watch

Lack Of Understanding

You can’t
keep
hurting
yourself

He
said

For
I can’t
bear to
see it

The
only
problem
is

She
said

It’s
not
about you,
is it?

(Originally Posted 20.01.2020)

2

It’s Not What I Dreamt Of Either

We hate it

They say

When you act that way

Hurting yourself

Really saddens us

If only

I say

There was another way

As this is hardly

Fucking glamorous

Unsafe Thoughts

Please,
take
away
my
knives

And put
those
razors
in the
bin

For
the
urge
to cut
is rising

To
bleed
out the
pain
within

(Originally Posted 09.01.2020)

2

It Always Worked Before

Whether it’s from

The scars on my arms

Or from the words

That I have written

I think it may be best

If I take a rest

And go back

To keeping them hidden

Cutting

I scythe these words

Across the page

To allow my pain to flow

I find it leaves

Much less of a scar

Than some other ways I know

(Originally Posted 05.01.2021)

16

“I Know It’s Gonna Happen Someday”

If some of my poems

Are humorous

Albeit

A little dark

This one

Is deadly serious

And not just

A flippant remark

Hanging Around

I know it’s there

In the shed

Waiting for when

I choose death instead

(Originally Posted 23.12.2020)

2

Trauma Breeds Trauma

It started off

Innocently enough

But the problem was

It worked

The desire then grew

And deep down I knew

How I’d forever quench

My thirst

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

And yet I’m still reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way to cope with this feeling

Other than with a pair of scissors?

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)

0

Submitted

With a mindset shifted

And a choice insisted

An opportunity gifted

And a weight now lifted

Epitaph

Do you
ever wish
you could
just give
up?

Say
right,
that’s it,
I’ve had
enough!

I’m
done
with
all this
fucking
shit

I’m
finally
going
through
with it!

Well
I think
these
things
every
day

Those
words
to easy
for me
to say

And
so, it
seems,
my
demons
have won

For
I can
say now
I am
officially
done

(Originally Posted 13.12.2019)

0

The Urgent Sea Of Life

There’s something about

The rush of the waves

Those echoing sounds

From beyond the caves

This feels like home

To me

That sheer expanse

Of glass like water

As I stand here shaking

In awe before her

I know when I wade in

I’ll be free

Happy Place

Take me back

To the sea

For it is where

I need to be

But don’t think because

I’ve emptied my pockets

That will be

Enough to stop it

For in the end

It will just be me

Sinking down

Into the depths of the sea

(Originally Posted 10.12.2020)

2

The Sudden Calmness

They were all hoping

The blues would fade

But they were unaware

My decision was made

Rope

I know
I can’t
do this
anymore

My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore

I feel
the relief
in every
pore

As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store

(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)

4

Scarred For Life

It’s like saying hello

To your oldest friend

But seeing them is conflicting

You enjoy the sting

Of the comfort they bring

But not of the wounds you’re inflicting

Scabs

Picking at these circles

All itchy, bloody and raw

Wondering why

The fuck am I

Doing this shit again for

(Originally Posted 24.11.2020)

4

Deploy The Safety Net

Remove the paracetamol

And hide the razor blades

As I feel like shit

Again today

So you need to take the reins

The Daily Struggle

I went back to bed

Three times today

To try to dream

This pain away

Yet it didn’t work

So now I’m awake

Do I have any choice

But my life to take?

(Originally Posted 16.11.2020)

11

What’s Next?

Four different medications

Plus some of my own to boot

Yet the madness persists

As I eye up my wrists

Making the point of treatment moot

Assistance / Resistance

So
it’s
been
a year

Of
your
latest
treatment

Yet
I still
don’t
feel

Any
fucking
different

(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)

2

Accepting What I Cannot Change

If you’re talking about my arms

She said

Then the urge I could try to park

But if you mean my wit

She said

That’ll always be razor sharp

Spitting Distance

We
could
have
had
it
all

She
said

But
now
we’re
left
with
nothing

Maybe
we’d
have
been
okay

He
said

Had you
not been
so fucking
cutting

(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)

0

Before It’s Too Late

Check in with your family and friends

Make sure they know you are their ally

As you can’t always tell

Who on the outside looks well

But on the inside wants to die

The Passing Samaritan

I
really
can’t
explain
it

This
feeling
I have
inside

I
just
don’t
want
to be
here

And,
God
knows,
I’ve
tried

(Originally Posted 29.10.2020)

8

Rituals

I’ve picked up a few

Tips and tricks

Over the years

That I’ve been hurting

And although some work

My demons still lurk

So I’m never too far away

From reverting

Harm Reduction

I’ve been
trying
so hard
to break
this chain

So I’ve
drawn on
my arms
with Biro
again

At least,
this time,
it’s just
a token

And my
skin,
for now,
remains
unbroken

(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)

2

Left Traumatised

Not a method I would choose

In reality

As I’d care about the driver

Far more than I ever could me

The Railway Line

I
shouldn’t
need to
tell you
again

You
must
already
know

I
don’t
want to
be here
anymore

Please
just
let me
go

(Originally Posted 20.10.2020)

6

So Close

As there was no one to pull me

Back in from the ledge

It is here I remain

Drunk and in pain

Standing perilously close to the edge

A Little More

As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day

I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way

How
much
lower
can I
sink?

Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

4

I Wasn’t Built For This

I guess I am

A misanthrope

Born as I was

Devoid of hope

Destined across

The world to mope

Forever trying

To avoid the rope

Misanthropic Me

People
never
cease to
disgust
and
disappoint
me in
equal measure

Perhaps
that’s
why my
life is
full of
discomfort
and
displeasure

(Originally Posted 09.10.2019)

2

The Feeling

It started out quite innocently

When I was just a kid

I used to pull my hair out

To stop me flipping my lid

But then as I grew older

Things took a darker turn

A wee nick here

A wee cut there

Sometimes even a burn

It’s not something I’m proud of

Or something anyone should aspire to do

But I can’t deny

That down the line

It’s those things that got me through

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)

2

‘You Can’t Handle The Truth’

If you were to see

Who I am inside

You would simply run

Away and hide

It’s not as though

I have ever lied

But to quell the beast

I’ve always tried

Hidden

There’s
so much
of me

You
never
see

So many
things
I do

That are
hidden
from view

I know you
won’t believe
it’s true

But it’s
my way of
protecting you

(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)

0

Short Sleeves

Once, I thought

I had no choice

But my innermost feeling to hide

But now I know

That given room to grow

I can wear my scars with pride

Another Notch

A
little
nick
here

A
little
cut
there

It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore

Not
that
I’d
care…

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

2

Bonne Idée

It would’ve been all too easy

To enact the ultimate ‘au revoir’

So just in case I was tempted

I made sure to sell my car

#8 The Optimist

This is

A message

From your favourite

Depressive

To say all

Is well with me

Here’s hoping

It lasts

That those days

Have passed

And I don’t drive

Into a tree

(Originally Posted 02.09.2021)

8

A Tough Read

I really am quite thankful

I no longer feel like this

Even though day to day

Things aren’t always okay

At least I’ve stopped thinking that shit

Shotgun

At
this
point
I’ll
try
anything

She
said

It
can’t
do any
harm

Then
you
should
take
this
one

He
said

It’ll
work
like a
charm

(Originally Posted 27.08.2020)

10

A Different Box Of Tricks

There are other ways

To deal with pain

Instead of creating your own,

Again

Scissors

It’s time
to put you
back in
your box

To fasten
the lid
and change
the locks

I cannot
continue
down this
path

For if I
do there
is no way
back

(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)

2

Long Sleeves All Year Round

You can work through your issues

Until they’re no longer discernable

But it’s important to remember

Not all the results are reversible

The Sting

If
I had
never
gone
down
this
path

It
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath

(Originally Posted 19.08.2020)

2

Seared

I guess

That is

The thing

With scars

They remain

In place

Forever

A showcase

Of the body’s

Memoirs

All those links

It cannot sever

No Way Back

To carry
on living
is proving
too hard

With my mind
and my body
so irrevocably
scarred

(Originally Posted 29.07.2019)

6

Pain Free

It was always a promise

And never a threat

I just haven’t decided

How I’ll do it, yet

Crying Wolf

Remember when I told you

I wished that I was dead

And you thought it was all

Just nonsense in my head

Well maybe now you’ll realise

You will finally get to see

The worst thing that you ever did

Was not to believe me

(Originally Posted 23.07.2021)

2

‘I Don’t Need A Gun To Blow My Mind’

This was just one route

That I’d considered

Amongst the many others

I had planned

I’d completely lost the plot

I think

In a way not many

Would understand

It seems that I

Had turned that choice

Into some kind of

Romantic notion

Which, it seems

For a while at least

Is how I coped

With my emotions

It took me some time

To best those thoughts

And to comprehend

The brutality of falling

But that’s not to say

They truly went away

And all I’m doing now, really

Is stalling

Look Out!

Falling

Tumbling

Through the air

Wondering

What it’s like

Down there

People standing

Faces aghast

Yet I don’t care

As I breathe my last

(Originally Posted 19.07.2020)

2

The No Escape Room

It’s a word I use a lot

‘Abyss’

Reading back now

I have noticed

I hadn’t quite realised

How numb

I’d become

Or how dissociated I was

When I wrote this

Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

(Originally Posted 12.07.2019)

6

‘I Keep Mine Hidden’

Cuts that were made

Long ago

Given time do

Eventually heal

But their scars

Will remain

To remind you

Of the pain

You couldn’t reveal

No Sharps Please

The
cut
on
my
wrist

Has
now
healed

As
I was
told
not
to
pick
it

The
delicate
skin

Is
now
sealed

So
I will
try
not
to
nick
it

Again

(Originally Posted 02.07.2020)

4

Hard Times Ahead

I sense more of this type coming

And to be honest

I’m a little afraid

Not only to reread them

But also to relive them

Knowing how I’m capable of such again

The Note

It was the lonliness

That got to me

If I’m honest

In the end

Sitting here

Just quietly

But all alone

Yet again

Desperately trying

But failing

My broken heart

To mend

And all the while

Convinced

That the rope

Was my only friend

(Originally Posted 16.06.2020)

11

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Darkest thoughts

On my darkest day

I can but hope

The worst is away

Found

Hearing
how
sad
you
would
be

Doesn’t
make
me
change
my
mind

All
it
does
is
remind
me
to
choose

A
method
that
is
kind

(Originally Posted 11.06.2020)

8

How It Manifests

It isn’t just restricting

That should raise a red flag

Sometimes when you’re binging

It can be just as bad

Once More For The Cheap Seats

If
only
I was
wasting
away

Maybe
it would
be easier
to explain

Why my
heart is
broken and
my tongue
is tied

And
I live
each day
in pain

(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)

4

Seeing Stars

As my cuts bleed

I beg and plead

That this pain

Will be my last

Internal Bleeding

Words
can’t
explain

This
eternal
ache

It
hurts
so much

When
I’m
awake

(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)

7

‘Standing On The Edge…’

There must be something to live for

He said

Just one reason to stick around

If there is then I can’t see it

She said

Those bastards have ground me down

Please

If this

Is all there is

Then who are you

To tell me no?

You have no idea

How hard this is

So please,

Just let me go

(Originally Posted 15.05.2019)

0

K(not) Anymore

I threw out that rope

A few weeks ago

When I cleared out the shed

Now I’ll try to forgo

My life of woe

And hope for better instead

K(not)

All
I can
say is
I live
in hope

That
one day
I will
tie that
rope

As
tightly
as I see
it in
my mind

And
all my
troubles
I’ll leave
behind

(Originally Posted 06.05.2020)

4

Alive

That is the difference

Between you and me

I have no interest

In all of this

Whilst you are happy to be

The Silent Killer

I’m just sitting here,

Waiting it out,

Biding my time.

Soon,

The axe will fall.

And it’ll all be over.

Thankfully.

(Originally Posted 30.04.2019)

4

A Healthy Slice

Upon my skin

Those scars abound

A better release

I’ve never found

Precision

Just be
careful
not to
slip

Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip

For you
do not want
them to
see

Just how
messed
up you
can be

(Originally Posted 27.04.2020)

10

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