"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
If our case was
To be heard again
In any court of law
You know it would end
With your actions condemned
And you locked behind this door
At Her Majesty’s Pleasure
You were keen to kidnap my kindness.
Happy to hijack hope from my heart.
You smiled whilst you stole my soul,
and laughed as you looted the love from my life.
So why am I the one who is sentenced to this life of solitude,
And you are strolling around out there scot-free?
(Originally Posted 07.07.2019)
To anyone who has ever read
Liked, shared, or commented
You’ve helped more
Than you could know
Without your engagement
There’d be complete derangement
And I’d have ended things
Long ago
Futile
Sometimes,
I depress
myself
As my
thoughts
fill the
page
Why
am I
here
Wasting
everyone’s
time
Hoping
for
someone
to engage
(Originally Posted 06.07.2020)
If only this one
Was the truth bar none
And I had such a steadfast allure
But in reality
This could never be me
As I am all too easily ignored
Push And Pull
Love me
or
loathe me
You’ll
never
escape me
So why
would
you even
try
Kiss me
or
kill me
You will
always
want me
So there’s
no point
in saying
goodbye
(Originally Posted 06.07.2019)
I really hadn’t
Given much thought
To how hard
Life would be
Alone
The constant struggle
In this suffocating bubble
And all so far away
From home
A Tale Of Two Cities
I really don’t want to leave
But I know that I can’t stay
Though I’ll be alone
Wherever I go
So I’m screwed either way
(Originally Posted 05.07.2019)
You should stop the negative self talk
He said
And just give yourself a break
I’m not sure if that’s possible
She said
With the destruction I’ve left in my wake
Adjourned
Those
words
you
spoke
so softly
Are
etched
upon
my
brain
A
reminder
of
how
I really
did
Fuck
things
up
again
(Originally Posted 05.07.2020)
Your touch
Leaves me reeling
Your kisses
Make me swoon
It seems
That for now
From romance,
Somehow,
I am no longer
Immune
Carnal Knowledge
These
blissful
feelings
are all
consuming
Who knew
one kiss
would
be so
subsuming
(Originally Posted 04.07.2020)
I was thinking about this
Just last night
How I am not always
Visually inspired
Have I such little imagination
Lack a formal education
Or is it just that new glasses
Are required?
The Art Gallery
Sometimes
I think
I’m too
stupid to
understand
Sometimes
I think
I’m the
only one
that does
(Originally Posted 04.07.2019)
How can you sleep at night
She said
Just cutting me off like this
With no problem at all
She said
Despite how you persist
‘Because Enough Is Too Much’
I can explain
He said
If you want to hear it
I don’t have time
She said
For anymore bullshit
(Originally Posted 03.07.2021)
At that café
Drinking tea
I wished you were there
Sitting opposite me
But I soon realised
Even though we’re apart
You’ll always be with me
Inside my heart
Xxx
Royal Exchange Square
I had to come back here,
How could I not?
Because it all started here,
On that night I’ve never forgot.
Xxx
(Originally Posted 03.07.2019)
He may well
Have been a chancer
But he was also
A fine romancer
Otherwise I’d have left him
Years ago
‘… A Midnight Toker’
What
do I
have
to
show
for my
life
Fuck
all
is
the
answer
I
suppose
that’s
what
you
should
expect
When
you
risk
it all
on a
chancer
(Originally Posted 03.07.2020)
Charlatans and con artists
Preying on the weak
Making a pretty penny
Through their lies and false mystique
It’s not that I don’t ‘get it’
Or couldn’t possibly understand
It’s that their ‘gift’
Is a fucking grift
And, quite frankly, should be banned
Sceptical
You can tell me all you want
That you can hear him
But I’ll never believe it’s true
For if he was talking to anyone
From the ‘other side’
Then it would be me, not you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 02.07.2021)
Cuts that were made
Long ago
Given time do
Eventually heal
But their scars
Will remain
To remind you
Of the pain
You couldn’t reveal
No Sharps Please
The
cut
on
my
wrist
Has
now
healed
As
I was
told
not
to
pick
it
The
delicate
skin
Is
now
sealed
So
I will
try
not
to
nick
it
Again
(Originally Posted 02.07.2020)
‘I was born standing up
And talking back’
“We are the same, you and I – two odd, lonely children, reaching for eternity.”
– Tom Hanks (as Col. Tom Parker)
How many times
Did I say this
How many times
Did I wish it were true
But now that I’m free
Indefinitely
There is no fun
Without you
Staid
Is
that
it
now
She
said
Are
we
finally
done
As
I’d
like
to go
out
She
said
And
actually
have
some
fun
(Originally Posted 01.07.2019)
There was a period of time
After he died
When I returned to my old ways
Auditioning random men
As a replacement
All in a drunken haze
Thankfully
It didn’t last
And it proved to be just a phase
As I realised
Pretty quickly
It didn’t help with my malaise
On A Promise
What happens when the music stops
She said
Do we have to go home?
Wherever you end up going
He said
You won’t be going alone
(Originally Posted 01.07.2021)
Quite a subtle reference here
To a drug I’ve seen
But never taken
I’ve just always known
Being dependence prone
That beast never to awaken
Need(le)
I
need
you
here
Please
come
and
save
me
I
need
to
feel
The
love
you
gave
me
(Originally Posted 01.07.2020)
Yet as the sun came out
Last summer
The glue I’d used soon melted
So whatever I felt back then
Didn’t start a trend
Or conclude as well as projected
Out Of The Blue
I woke up with a smile
Today
All the bad feeling
Had gone away
It actually felt
Like it was the start
Of gluing back together
My broken heart
(Originally Posted 30.06.2021)
Back before
I was heart broken
And became
Such a misery
I was capable
Of having fun
Which I did,
Consistently
This is one
Of many stories
From when I was
The queen of frolicking
To think how I was then
Compared to now
Is quite simply
Astonishing
If I could roll back
The years
And talk
To a younger me
I would tell her
‘Don’t just pick one fella’
And keep living your life
Care free
A Love Quadrangle
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
one
I’ve
been
here
from
the
start
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
two
I’d
never
break
her
heart
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
three
I
see
her
playful
side
Please,
stop
arguing
boys
She
said
You
couldn’t
handle
me if
you
tried!
(Originally Posted 30.06.2020)
I dreamt about him last night
You know
For only the third time since he died
At least we had fun
In this one
And it was when I woke up I cried
A Heavenly Reunion
What
are
you
doing
here
He
said
I
told
you
not
to
follow
I
couldn’t
take
any
more
She
said
Life
without
you
left
me
hollow
Xxx
(Originally Posted 29.06.2020)
I’ve always been drawn
To water
Knowing it’s nearby
Is very relaxing
There’s been many a time
It has calmed my mind
And saved me
From fully collapsing
Down By The River
It’s so peaceful here.
Quiet. Serene.
If only the incessant chatter in my head would quieten down,
I might just be able to enjoy it.
(Originally Posted 29.06.2019)
I love that you see
Something in me
And I hope one day
That I’ll see it too
But whilst I am trying
There’s no point in denying
That I’m just not as nice
As you
The Bright Side Of My Dark Heart
I’m
glad
that
you
can
see
it
As
I
don’t
have
a
clue
But
out
of
everyone
It
might
have
been
I
knew
it
would
be
you
(Originally Posted 28.06.2020)
You would never just take an item
If it didn’t belong to you
Just because someone
Has since died
It doesn’t make that any less true
Too Big For Your Boots
I’d rather watch them burn
Than see them in your hands
How you even think
You could ever lay claim
I will never understand
(Originally Posted 28.06.2021)
Pretending I was fine
On that trip
Was just something
I needed to do
So I wiped my eyes
And stifled my cries
In the tent
Next door to you
Camping
The warmth of the sun on your face,
The anticipation of a road trip with friends,
The promise of tall tales around the campfire.
It’s the little things that bring the most joy.
(Originally Posted 28.06.2019)
It wouldn’t matter if you said sorry
Or tried hard to make amends
For we may always be
Family
But we’ll never again be friends
The Call That Never Comes (Not That I’d Answer If It Did)
I’m
sorry
for
what
I did
I’m
sorry
for
what
I said
I’ve
been
an
utter
arsehole
Given
that
he
is
dead
(Originally Posted 27.06.2020)
It has gotten easier
To get out of bed
But life without him
Has not
For there is little relief
From the pain of grief
And that is now my lot
Options
I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.
You have no idea how hard it is.
This sustained internal struggle.
The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.
The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.
It’s exhausting.
If only I could return to the naivety of the past.
Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.
Where melancholy was a comforting friend.
And death wasn’t such a viable option.
(Originally Posted 27.06.2019)
Having been in this situation
More than once
I made sure to learn from it
So now I immediately
Draw the line
The second I smell bullshit
Distortion
You
tell
your
truth
And
I’ll
tell
mine
But
we
both
know
Who
crossed
the
line
(Originally Posted 26.06.2020)
This is how
You made me feel
Pathetic, lonely
And small
It took me far too long
To realise
That this wasn’t love
At all
Apologies
I’m sorry I act like I don’t care,
I’m sorry it seems like I’m rarely there.
I’m sorry it looks like I don’t even try,
I’m sorry that you’ve never see me cry.
I’m sorry I never appear in a hurry,
I’m sorry I always make you worry.
I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.
But most of all I’m just sorry for being me.
(Originally Posted 26.06.2019)
If only I could make it better
But there is no way that I can
For you have lost her forever
Just the same as I lost my man
Real Talk
It
hurts
my
heart
To
hear
you
cry
And
watch
you
break
Like
this
As
your
life
Falls
apart
And
you
stare
Into
the
abyss
(Originally Posted 25.06.2020)
Have you thought about moving on
He said
Of starting a life with someone else
It hasn’t even crossed my mind
She said
As I’m more than happy on the shelf
It’s Not The Same Thing
Just think about
What I lost
On the day he died
Then ask yourself
If you were me
When would your tears subside?
(Originally Posted 25.06.2021)
‘If I saw you again I’d smile,
But I’d say don’t call me baby…’
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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