Silence

It’s funny to see

How a younger me

Struggled with her

Own company

Yet now I love

To live that way

On New Year’s Eve

Or any other day


For Whom The Bell Tolls

I’m not ashamed
to admit

I shed a tear or
two last night

As the clock
struck twelve

It was all
a bit shit

Sitting here
by myself

(Originally Posted 01.01.2020)

“I’ll Just Get The Bus”

It is all

Well and good

Spending time

With old friends

Yet it’s always me

Who leaves emptily

When the night

Inevitably ends


Catching Up

It
was
so
good
to see
you

But
now
I’m
glad
you’ve
gone

You
remind
me too
much of
my life
before

And
what
has
since
gone
wrong

(Originally Posted 21.11.2019)

So Close

As there was no one to pull me

Back in from the ledge

It is here I remain

Drunk and in pain

Standing perilously close to the edge


A Little More

As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day

I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way

How
much
lower
can I
sink?

Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

Constant Reminders

I’ve actually done

Pretty well to be fair

Staying on here

With all this pain to bear

I guess I have found ways

To make it my own

But this place will never not be

Our forever home


Haunted

Death
peers in
through
the gloom

As I
lie here
alone in
this room

Upon
this bed
we once
shared

Crying for
the love
we once
declared

(Originally Posted 06.10.2019)

‘Nothing Else To Give’

I booked the day off work today

As I knew I’d want to be alone

I wouldn’t want to see anyone

Or even speak on the phone

It’s not that I’m ungrateful

Or I don’t appreciate the intent

But people just don’t realise

That, emotionally, I’m spent


Rest In Peace

Someone
sent me
flowers
today

And for
their
kindness
I was
thankful

But
I still
chucked
them
in the
bin

For of
condolences
I’ve had
a tankful

(Originally Posted 08.09.2020)

Good For You

You don’t even remember

The time of year

Let alone the date

You’ve moved on

Even though he’s gone

While all I can do is wait


Left

I
missed
you
again
today

Everyone
else
had
gone
away

And
it was
just me
here
alone

Crying
for the
love
I had
once
known

(Originally Posted 19.08.2019)

Better Off Alone

Why don’t you come over

He said

And spend time with me today

Because I’m better off alone

She said

I’ve learned that the hard way


Power

I’ve walked
along
this road
before

Feeling
lonely
and
insecure

At least
this time
I know
for sure

You
cannot
hurt me
anymore

(Originally Posted 11.08.2019)

Is This It?

I really hadn’t

Given much thought

To how hard

Life would be

Alone

The constant struggle

In this suffocating bubble

And all so far away

From home


A Tale Of Two Cities

I really don’t want to leave

But I know that I can’t stay

Though I’ll be alone

Wherever I go

So I’m screwed either way

(Originally Posted 05.07.2019)

Same Shit Different Day

I travelled a lot that spring

Most of it in a daze

Birthdays, weddings and weekends away

All came and went in a haze

Yet I found consequently

Whatever good time I was shown

I would feel subsequently

That I was very much alone


1000 Miles

The message from the search engine pings.

Its spies inform me that last month I visited:

Three different countries,
Fifteen different cities,
And twenty one different places.

That means I travelled over 1000 miles, last month.

Each one without you.

And every one with an empty heart.

(Originally Posted 03.06.2019)

There’s No Fun In Funeral

Crying in the chapel

Many years ago

Missing you intently

And wishing it wasn’t so


Granite

I wish
you were
with me

Gently
squeezing
my hand

Providing
me with
comfort

Helping me
understand

(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)

Keep Away

Please don’t misunderstand me

I didn’t mean this physically

It was far more metaphorically

That I didn’t want you near me


Distance

The closer
you get,
I wish
you were
further away.

(Originally Posted 05.05.2019)

You Hypocrite

Look out for each other

That’s what you said

Be considerate and kind

Well you never did

When you left me for dead

Whilst I slowly lost my mind

High Winds

If all the roads are closed tonight

Then how will I get home

I’m much too scared

And emotionally impaired

To go a night out here alone

El Paradiso

You find me here alone
Broken and desolate

With nothing to call my own
Except for beer and regret

Random #145

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery – air, mountains, trees, people. I thought: “This is what it is to be happy.”

― Sylvia Plath

Seething

I’ve always been alone

So this will make no difference

I shall keep my counsel my own

And wallow in my belligerence

The Plea That Went Unheard

They do not like me Jesus

He said

What am I supposed to do

If you teach me one of your tricks

Perhaps some friends might then ensue

I cannot help you friend

He said

For those tricks are mine alone

You must find your own way

Even if it means a lifetime alone

The T

As I sit here

All alone

And my tears

Begin to fall

I am reminded

Once again

Chamomile tea

Solves fuck all

Left Behind

If all you do

Is stay at home

In a self imposed

Exile

You’ll soon find

Not even your friends

Will miss you

After a while

A Selfish Cunt

Call yourself a friend

When you left me here alone

When you couldn’t even be bothered

To visit or lift the phone

Call yourself a friend

When you all you did was make me frown

When you were only happy

If you were putting me down

Call yourself a friend

When you never gave me any advice

Well I know what I’d call you

And it isn’t very nice

Kissing Frogs

I sit here on the sofa

All alone

With the hope of love

Completely gone

Yet I dare to dream

That perhaps one day

My prince will come

To take the pain away

A Pig In Shit

Your comfort zone will kill you

Isn’t that what they say?

Well I say that is nonsense

As I’m happy living this way

Community

If it takes a village to raise a child

Then my neighbours must have been out

Because I pretty much

Dragged myself up

Of that there is no doubt

Memorial Memories

It’s been two years since you left me

Sitting all alone in that church

Cold, confused and crying

So painfully in the lurch

But it’s not really his death you know,

That has been the most pernicious

It’s how the rest of you have chosen to be

So incredibly fucking malicious

If You Like

Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again

Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand

Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care

Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)

Wilderness

Never amongst so many people

Have I felt so alone

I really do not want to stay

But know I can’t go home

Yet for all the kindness

And love I’ve been shown

I still cannot face another day

Here on my own

(Originally Posted 01.06.2019)

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