"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
You must decide
Who you want to let go
And who it is you want to retain
For there is no way
I can spend another day
Going over all this again
Right Person / Wrong Time
I do
appreciate
what
we
had
But
lament
what
could
have
been
You
and
me
together
forever
With
nobody
inbetween
(Originally Posted 09.04.2020)
Nearly nineteen years of my life
That’s what you had when you were alive
And now three years on
Since you’ve been gone
It still feels like me who died
The Debt Collector
You’ve
stolen
my life
from me
In
oh so
many
ways
It may well
have been
you that
died
But
I’m
the one
who pays
(Originally Posted 17.03.2020)
It doesn’t seem to matter
Who tries to talk me up
I cannot ever escape the feeling
That I am a total fuck up
It started when I was young
When I was told I was a peice of shit
That I’d never amount to anything
Despite whatever it was I did
Even into adulthood
That was always on my mind
Although I have since met people
Who are all supportive and kind
But now as I stand here
At another fork in my life’s tale
I just wish I could believe them
Instead of those who convinced me I’d fail
Flightless Bird
If only
I believed
you
Things
would be
so different
If only I
was who
you see
Life
could be
magnificent
(Originally Posted 14.03.2020)
It left you so exhausted
Wrestling to decide
Now you know
What it’s like
Living inside my mind
You may have saved me on occasion
But you have betrayed me too
So don’t make out you’re innocent
From what you’ve made me do
If only she was better
Then she’d be worthy of your hand
But as it is
It’s a basic bitch
Who will wear your wedding band
I’m sorry you think I’ve missed you
As I haven’t given one fuck
If you thought you mattered
And my life is shattered
Well then you’re shit out of luck
If you continue to push this
She said
And I am forced to choose
You really should be prepared
She said
For the fact I won’t pick you
It was always your choice
To intentionality decieve
Just like it was mine
To pack up and leave
What would you do
If it was you
Would you risk it
Even though
You could lose
—
I have no idea
What I’d do here
So thank fuck
I don’t
Have to choose
I wish
I could
Take it back
All this time
That’s gone
To waste
Now
You’ll never know
Who I am
Because of
A choice
Made in haste
If I knew then
What I know now
I wouldn’t have let you stay
I’d have made sure
You saw the worst of me
And done my best
To push you away
I will not
Say yes now
Just like I didn’t
Then
I’ve always known
It wasn’t
For me
Even
Way back when
We’re going on a journey
She said
So be sure to pack your case
Maybe if we leave now
He said
The past we can erase
I’ll say
I felt better
In the end
But the honest truth
Is that
The only reason
I didn’t jump
That day
Is there’d be no one
To feed my cat
If I can’t give you
All of my heart
Would you be happy
With just one piece?
You can have the bit
That’s dead to me
And I’ll keep the part
That beats
Listening to these old songs
How I wish I could go back
Maybe I’d make different choices
And life wouldn’t be so black
As you can see
He said
I’m not a big hit with the ladies
None of that matters
She said
I just want to have your babies
You said
You didn’t want me
So I had no choice
But to move on
If you’d made it clear
How you held me dear
Then your feelings
I wouldn’t have forgone
Did I really
Dodge that bullet
Or just hide
Behind you instead
I guess now
We’ll never know
As I’m alive
And you’re dead
I’m sorry I didn’t listen
He said
But I thought I knew it all
Now I’ll watch from the sidelines
She said
And cheer on your downfall
Even though I’ve lost
And she has won
I know your love
Will never be undone
Sometimes I wish I’d said yes
All those years ago
Perhaps if I had
It might well have gone bad
But at least now we’d know
Tell me
Who it works out for
In the end
And don’t lie
Because I’ll know
There’s really no point anymore
Now that joy seems so out of reach
It’s better to go now, than to linger
And to practice what I preach
If
your
life
is a
traffic
jam
Then
just
step
out of
the
car
With my self care
On the floor
The noose tightens
That little bit more
I know he can’t be mine
She said
But now he’ll never be yours
If only he’d grow a spine
She said
And just choose one of us
Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again
Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand
Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care
Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit
(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
Leave
this
place,
the
light
shape
whispers,
for
it
is
not
your
time.I’m
staying
here,
the
dark
shape
whispers,
for
now
I
want
what’s
mine.(Originally Posted 16.05.2019)
At this point I just want to feel
It matters not what or who
But this world has lost its appeal
So what is a girl to do?
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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