Tag: Coping

That’s Life

Wearing away

My heart and soul

Destroying me was

Your only goal

So with your daggers

You proceeded

Until I was broken

And you’d succeeded

2

Staying Power

I understand

It takes time

For wounds

Like these

To heal

But I got bored

Of myself

Years ago

So fuck knows

How you feel

6

“The Demons In Your Head”

You thought

You’d stop

Didn’t you?

And you’d never

Touch me again

That you wouldn’t

Need knives

Or razor blades

To cope

With all your pain

Yet here you are

With scissors

Poised to plunge

Into your skin

What a stupid bitch

To think you could switch

And that I

Would never win

2

With A Smile

When all around me

Is falling to shit

I let my stomach hurt

And my sides split

Because I know whatever

Is in my path

Is best to be greeted

With a fucking laugh

2

Food For Thought

To be honest

Most folks

Are doing

What you do

Just trying

Their best

To make

It through

So please

Don’t believe

All that

Bullshit’s true

Because, trust me,

It’s not all

About you

0

From The Gallows

I remember,

Once,

He asked me

How I cope

With all these trials

I just use the darkest

Of humours,

I said,

Along with

The wryest of smiles

0

Filling The Void

In an

Attempt

To convince

Herself

That it really

Was ok

She sat down

With the required

Amount

To eat

Her feelings

Away

2

Top Of The List

What would you like

For Christmas he asked

His smile

A million miles wide

I just need the strength

To carry on

She wholeheartedly replied

9

Taking to Bed

Some days

I feel ok

And how I present

Is true

But on other days

This deep malaise

Makes faking it

Too hard to do

0

Sea Legs

Now I can take

Longer strokes

And can draw

Bigger breaths

Perhaps one day

I’ll swim away

And escape

These murky depths

(Compass)ion

It must
be so easy
for you

Loving
your life
as you do

But spare a
thought for
the likes of me

Who drown
in a sea of
melancholy

(Originally Posted 23.02.2020)

0

Re-traumatisation Is Re-al

You can stop

Telling me

That it helps

To talk about

This shit

As you have

No notion

Of why

I’ve chosen

To keep

A lid on it

The Shrink

The
pain
is
buried
so
deep

She
said

I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
re-surface

Then
we
should
leave
it
where
it is

He
said

Breaking
your
heart
(again)
isn’t
worth
it

(Originally Posted 21.02.2020)

0

It’s Not What I Dreamt Of Either

We hate it

They say

When you act that way

Hurting yourself

Really saddens us

If only

I say

There was another way

As this is hardly

Fucking glamorous

Unsafe Thoughts

Please,
take
away
my
knives

And put
those
razors
in the
bin

For
the
urge
to cut
is rising

To
bleed
out the
pain
within

(Originally Posted 09.01.2020)

2

My Mind’s Eye

I found a way

In the end

I put them all in the bin

Now I only wince

If I catch a glimpse

Of those that I keep within

I Can’t Wait

I can’t
wait for
the day

When I
no longer
wince

At
every
glimpse

Of
your
photo

(Originally Posted 07.01.2020)

4

Trauma Breeds Trauma

It started off

Innocently enough

But the problem was

It worked

The desire then grew

And deep down I knew

How I’d forever quench

My thirst

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

And yet I’m still reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way to cope with this feeling

Other than with a pair of scissors?

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)

0

Pulling Myself Together

It would not be

That unusual for me

To view my own mental health

As simply cliché

And to explain it away

As just feeling sorry for myself

The Gloom

Does it
follow me

Or do I
chase it

Either way
around

It’s still
pretty shit

(Originally Posted 30.10.2019)

8

Rituals

I’ve picked up a few

Tips and tricks

Over the years

That I’ve been hurting

And although some work

My demons still lurk

So I’m never too far away

From reverting

Harm Reduction

I’ve been
trying
so hard
to break
this chain

So I’ve
drawn on
my arms
with Biro
again

At least,
this time,
it’s just
a token

And my
skin,
for now,
remains
unbroken

(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)

2

The Feeling

It started out quite innocently

When I was just a kid

I used to pull my hair out

To stop me flipping my lid

But then as I grew older

Things took a darker turn

A wee nick here

A wee cut there

Sometimes even a burn

It’s not something I’m proud of

Or something anyone should aspire to do

But I can’t deny

That down the line

It’s those things that got me through

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)

2

Clear Cut

To be fair

If you did

I wouldn’t need

To confess

As it radiates

From me

Like stale beer

And cigarettes

Emptiness

At one time
perhaps
I would have
said yes

But the
desire now
I no longer
possess

Should you
ever try
your love
to profess

To this
emptiness
inside I
would confess

(Originally Posted 01.10.2019)

4

Ruined

I’d love to say

That two years on

That I have cleaned up my act

But from what I suffered

My body never recovered

And my mind will always be cracked

Old Habits

As my
veins
drip
with
chip
fat

And
my
lungs
marinate
in
tar

I
wonder
if,
perhaps
this
time,

I’ve
taken
things
too
far

(Originally Posted 28.09.2020)

4

La Vie En Tequila Rose

I went out a lot

In twenty nineteen

To live,

To laugh,

And to everything in-between

The Shot Glass

Drink,
drink,
and drink
again.

You know
that I’m
your only
friend.

(Originally Posted 25.09.2019)

2

Short Sleeves

Once, I thought

I had no choice

But my innermost feeling to hide

But now I know

That given room to grow

I can wear my scars with pride

Another Notch

A
little
nick
here

A
little
cut
there

It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore

Not
that
I’d
care…

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

2

On Deaf Ears

I couldn’t begin tell you

How true this one still is

As even now I spend each morning

Screaming into the abyss

#7 The Banshee

After all the wailing

And gnashing of teeth

There’s no point in being violent

From now on

With my spirit long gone

All my screams will be silent

(Originally Posted 02.09.2021)

0

A Different Box Of Tricks

There are other ways

To deal with pain

Instead of creating your own,

Again

Scissors

It’s time
to put you
back in
your box

To fasten
the lid
and change
the locks

I cannot
continue
down this
path

For if I
do there
is no way
back

(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)

2

Birthdays Are The Worst Days

I still don’t know

What the fuck to do

Even though today

I’m forty two

Entering My Fifth Decade

So I
turned
forty
today

And
what
exactly
did
I do?

Nothing

But
drink,
smoke
and cry
too much

Like
every
other
day

Without
you

Xxx

(Originally Posted 08.08.2020)

17

Faith, Devotion And My Imaginary Boys

Each a favourite band

To have on hand

When life gets a little bit dark

For there’s nothing finer

Than a guy in eyeliner

To help mend a broken heart

Cure Mode

Enjoying
the
silence

With my
pictures
of you

Running
to your
heart to
be near

And
although
pleasures
remain

As you
fall into
my arms

Equally,
so does
the pain

(Originally Posted 28.07.2020)

5

‘I Don’t Need A Gun To Blow My Mind’

This was just one route

That I’d considered

Amongst the many others

I had planned

I’d completely lost the plot

I think

In a way not many

Would understand

It seems that I

Had turned that choice

Into some kind of

Romantic notion

Which, it seems

For a while at least

Is how I coped

With my emotions

It took me some time

To best those thoughts

And to comprehend

The brutality of falling

But that’s not to say

They truly went away

And all I’m doing now, really

Is stalling

Look Out!

Falling

Tumbling

Through the air

Wondering

What it’s like

Down there

People standing

Faces aghast

Yet I don’t care

As I breathe my last

(Originally Posted 19.07.2020)

2

Filling A Hole

There was a period of time

After he died

When I returned to my old ways

Auditioning random men

As a replacement

All in a drunken haze

Thankfully

It didn’t last

And it proved to be just a phase

As I realised

Pretty quickly

It didn’t help with my malaise

On A Promise

What happens when the music stops

She said

Do we have to go home?

Wherever you end up going

He said

You won’t be going alone

(Originally Posted 01.07.2021)

7

Omnipresent

It has gotten easier

To get out of bed

But life without him

Has not

For there is little relief

From the pain of grief

And that is now my lot

Options

I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.

You have no idea how hard it is.

This sustained internal struggle.

The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.

The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.

It’s exhausting.

If only I could return to the naivety of the past.

Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.

Where melancholy was a comforting friend.

And death wasn’t such a viable option.

(Originally Posted 27.06.2019)

2

And The Blues Continues

Five cans

Six cans

Seven cans

Eight

No point

Stopping now

It’s already

Too late

Six Pack Blues

One can

Two cans

Three cans

Four

Perhaps

I should eat

Before

I drink

Any more

(Originally Posted 19.06.2020)

4

Seeing Stars

As my cuts bleed

I beg and plead

That this pain

Will be my last

Internal Bleeding

Words
can’t
explain

This
eternal
ache

It
hurts
so much

When
I’m
awake

(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)

7

A Healthy Slice

Upon my skin

Those scars abound

A better release

I’ve never found

Precision

Just be
careful
not to
slip

Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip

For you
do not want
them to
see

Just how
messed
up you
can be

(Originally Posted 27.04.2020)

10

In

The days still march on,

But now I run forward.

Always in step,

Everything in place,

And just about in time.

Out

The days march on,
But I trail behind.
Out of step,
Out of place,
Out of time.

(Originally Posted 09.04.2019)

10

Relieved

The scars I carry

Across my body

May well be off the chart

But now I focus

On pulling myself together

Instead of tearing myself apart

Relief

As I
open
up my
scars

The
blood
flows
once
more

As I
begin
to see
stars

I fall,
sated,
to the
floor

(Originally Posted 03.04.2020)

13

The Limbic Lament

If alcohol doesn’t soothe me

And music doesn’t move me

It’s no wonder I can’t cope

This crippling anxiety

Coupled with impropriety

Has left me devoid of hope

16

Accountability

It was you who made things difficult

It was you who made things worse

You who added injury to insult

It was you who left me cursed

It was you who made me doubt myself

It was you who made me cry

You who just pleased yourself

It was you who never asked why

But as for all that has followed

All that has now came to be

Every pill that I have swallowed

That’s on no one else but me

13

Season’s Beatings

I fucking hate Christmas

Just like Christmas hates me

Walking on eggshells all day

Faking smiles around a tree

I learned when I was five

Santa doesn’t deliver for free

That he prefers ‘good little girls’

And the one he favoured that year was me

As an adult I’ve tried to make it better

To erase him from my memory

But I still fucking hate Christmas

Just like Christmas hates me

57

#16 The Friend

Today is going to be hard,

I know,

But that is why I’m here.

To eat, drink and smoke

With you

And wipe away your tears.

Xxx

17

Any Advice?

How on earth do you cope

He asked

With all the loneliness

You don’t have any choice

She said

When you’ve got no one left

41

Slipping Back

They say after a while

It stops hurting

Yet thirty one months later

I’m still in pain

If anything it feels

Like I’m reverting

Back to those dark old days

Again

22

Personality #3

I see you there

With your vacant stare

Drowning in infinite sadness

But never fear

I’ll alway be here

Trying to sweep away your madness

11

Sad Songs

I play them too often nowadays

Just to feel the pain

It’s better then feeling nothing

Again and again and again…

16

If You Like

Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again

Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand

Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care

Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
4

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