I went out a lot
In twenty nineteen
To live,
To laugh,
And to everything in-between
The Shot Glass
Drink,
drink,
and drink
again.
You know
that I’m
your only
friend.
(Originally Posted 25.09.2019)
Short Sleeves
Once, I thought
I had no choice
But my innermost feeling to hide
But now I know
That given room to grow
I can wear my scars with pride
Another Notch
A
little
nick
here
A
little
cut
there
It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore
Not
that
I’d
care…
(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)
On Deaf Ears
I couldn’t begin tell you
How true this one still is
As even now I spend each morning
Screaming into the abyss
#7 The Banshee
After all the wailing
And gnashing of teeth
There’s no point in being violent
From now on
With my spirit long gone
All my screams will be silent
(Originally Posted 02.09.2021)
A Different Box Of Tricks
There are other ways
To deal with pain
Instead of creating your own,
Again
Scissors
It’s time
to put you
back in
your box
To fasten
the lid
and change
the locks
I cannot
continue
down this
path
For if I
do there
is no way
back
(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)
Birthdays Are The Worst Days
I still don’t know
What the fuck to do
Even though today
I’m forty two
Entering My Fifth Decade
So I
turned
forty
today
And
what
exactly
did
I do?
Nothing
But
drink,
smoke
and cry
too much
Like
every
other
day
Without
you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 08.08.2020)
Faith, Devotion And My Imaginary Boys
Each a favourite band
To have on hand
When life gets a little bit dark
For there’s nothing finer
Than a guy in eyeliner
To help mend a broken heart
Cure Mode
Enjoying
the
silence
With my
pictures
of you
Running
to your
heart to
be near
And
although
pleasures
remain
As you
fall into
my arms
Equally,
so does
the pain
(Originally Posted 28.07.2020)
‘I Don’t Need A Gun To Blow My Mind’
This was just one route
That I’d considered
Amongst the many others
I had planned
I’d completely lost the plot
I think
In a way not many
Would understand
It seems that I
Had turned that choice
Into some kind of
Romantic notion
Which, it seems
For a while at least
Is how I coped
With my emotions
It took me some time
To best those thoughts
And to comprehend
The brutality of falling
But that’s not to say
They truly went away
And all I’m doing now, really
Is stalling
Look Out!
Falling
Tumbling
Through the air
Wondering
What it’s like
Down there
People standing
Faces aghast
Yet I don’t care
As I breathe my last
(Originally Posted 19.07.2020)
Filling A Hole
There was a period of time
After he died
When I returned to my old ways
Auditioning random men
As a replacement
All in a drunken haze
Thankfully
It didn’t last
And it proved to be just a phase
As I realised
Pretty quickly
It didn’t help with my malaise
On A Promise
What happens when the music stops
She said
Do we have to go home?
Wherever you end up going
He said
You won’t be going alone
(Originally Posted 01.07.2021)
Omnipresent
It has gotten easier
To get out of bed
But life without him
Has not
For there is little relief
From the pain of grief
And that is now my lot
Options
I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.
You have no idea how hard it is.
This sustained internal struggle.
The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.
The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.
It’s exhausting.
If only I could return to the naivety of the past.
Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.
Where melancholy was a comforting friend.
And death wasn’t such a viable option.
(Originally Posted 27.06.2019)
And The Blues Continues
Five cans
Six cans
Seven cans
Eight
No point
Stopping now
It’s already
Too late
Six Pack Blues
One can
Two cans
Three cans
Four
Perhaps
I should eat
Before
I drink
Any more
(Originally Posted 19.06.2020)
Seeing Stars
As my cuts bleed
I beg and plead
That this pain
Will be my last
Internal Bleeding
Words
can’t
explain
This
eternal
ache
It
hurts
so much
When
I’m
awake
(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)
A Healthy Slice
Upon my skin
Those scars abound
A better release
I’ve never found
Precision
Just be
careful
not to
slip
Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip
For you
do not want
them to
see
Just how
messed
up you
can be
(Originally Posted 27.04.2020)
In
The days still march on,
But now I run forward.
Always in step,
Everything in place,
And just about in time.
Out
The days march on,
But I trail behind.
Out of step,
Out of place,
Out of time.
(Originally Posted 09.04.2019)
Relieved
The scars I carry
Across my body
May well be off the chart
But now I focus
On pulling myself together
Instead of tearing myself apart
Relief
As I
open
up my
scars
The
blood
flows
once
more
As I
begin
to see
stars
I fall,
sated,
to the
floor
(Originally Posted 03.04.2020)
The Limbic Lament
If alcohol doesn’t soothe me
And music doesn’t move me
It’s no wonder I can’t cope
This crippling anxiety
Coupled with impropriety
Has left me devoid of hope
Closed For Business
Don’t bother asking me
As I will only say no
I’m only drinking
To stop me thinking
So I’ll just buy my own
Accountability
It was you who made things difficult
It was you who made things worse
You who added injury to insult
It was you who left me cursed
It was you who made me doubt myself
It was you who made me cry
You who just pleased yourself
It was you who never asked why
But as for all that has followed
All that has now came to be
Every pill that I have swallowed
That’s on no one else but me
Season’s Beatings
I fucking hate Christmas
Just like Christmas hates me
Walking on eggshells all day
Faking smiles around a tree
I learned when I was five
Santa doesn’t deliver for free
That he prefers ‘good little girls’
And the one he favoured that year was me
As an adult I’ve tried to make it better
To erase him from my memory
But I still fucking hate Christmas
Just like Christmas hates me
Who The Fuck Are ‘They’ Anyway?
Time heals
Or so they say
Well, let me tell you
They fucking lie
Time does nothing
But march on
And you’re left
With no right to reply
Yet Another Tattoo
They are all just scars,
Inked or otherwise.
It’s Just Skin
It really doesn’t matter
If I scratch, cut or burn
For what I do in the shadows
Is none of your concern
#20 The Self Harmer
It’s the feel
The sizzle
The smell
The burn
The sweet release of everything
And owing nothing in return
#16 The Friend
Today is going to be hard,
I know,
But that is why I’m here.
To eat, drink and smoke
With you
And wipe away your tears.
Xxx
#15 The Lighthouse Keeper
It’s better that I’m alone
With only the sound of the sea
Living up here is, after all,
Where I was always meant to be
Xxx
Any Advice?
How on earth do you cope
He asked
With all the loneliness
You don’t have any choice
She said
When you’ve got no one left
Poems From Another Time
It’s like reading
Someone else’s words
Listening
To someone else’s story
But the heartache
And the pain
That’s still all mine
Slipping Back
They say after a while
It stops hurting
Yet thirty one months later
I’m still in pain
If anything it feels
Like I’m reverting
Back to those dark old days
Again
And Still
Life goes on
Day after day
I just wish it didn’t
Have to be this way
Xxx
On The Lookout
Life without you recently
Certainly has been gloomy
Even if my heart is now
That little bit more roomy
All Is Not Well
Words spill
Onto the page
Just like the blood
From my veins
Personality #3
I see you there
With your vacant stare
Drowning in infinite sadness
But never fear
I’ll alway be here
Trying to sweep away your madness
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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