I play them too often nowadays
Just to feel the pain
It’s better then feeling nothing
Again and again and again…
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I play them too often nowadays
Just to feel the pain
It’s better then feeling nothing
Again and again and again…
Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again
Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand
Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care
Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit
(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
It’s four twenty five in the afternoon and I’m still lying in bed.
Trying, in vain, to sleep away the thoughts inside my head.
Perhaps I should get up and go out for a bracing walk instead.
It has to be better than staying in here and wishing I was dead.
(Originally Posted 22.06.2019)
The darker nights
Are drawing in,
Not least those
In my heart.
I should stop
Drinking bathtub gin,
Now that would
Be a start.
(Originally Posted 09.04.2019)
I’m trapped inside this silent war
Furiously waving a white flag above my head
But no one seems to care
One day soon
I’ll stop trying
(Originally Posted 14.04.2019)
If there’s one thing I’ve learned
It’s that you can’t skip the stages
Even if moving forward
Feels like it’s taking fucking ages
If you jump too far forward
You only fall further back
And all you do is store your pain
For further down the track
Skin somewhat healing
Yet I’m still left reeling
As my heart slowly withers
Is there a more appealing
Way of coping with this feeling
Other than by using scissors?
I don’t feel better
I haven’t forgotten
I’ve just stopped telling you
How I feel
We
only
really
reached
halfway
When
you
went
and
died
on me
Now
what
was
once
bright
is grey
As
I deal
with
life's
debris
Who am I now?
What should I do?
Why am I still here?
When I could be with you?
Xxx
Picking at these circles
All itchy, bloody and raw
Wondering why
The fuck am I
Doing this shit again for
It’s
only
now
I dream
of
you
Now
that
you
are
dead
If
only
you
were
still
here
And
not
just
inside
my
head
Xxx
Sitting
here
with
nothing
to doAnd
yet my
mind is
crowdedThis
is when
things
go wrongWhen my
judgement
becomes
clouded
I’ve
often
been
trickedIn
my
lifeBut
rarely
ever
been
treatedSo
it
shouldn’t
beAny
wonder
reallyWhy
I always
sound so
defeated
Some
people
may
have
alreadyBut
I can
never
forgetFor
even
after
all
this
timeI’m
still
fucked
in the
head
Wandered
around
again
todayWith
an all
consuming
sighNot
knowing
how to
liveYet
too
afraid
to die
Do
you
still
think
of him
They
ask
Every
single
day
I
reply
Will
you
ever
stop
They
ask
Not
until
the
day
I die
Please
make
sure
you
bury
me
deep
So
I can
finally
get
some
fucking
sleep
So I’ll walk away
And say cheerio
To the girl
I used to know
Having to
grow up
happens
Whether
you care
for it
or not
And
I do
not
fucking
like it
I do
not
like it
one jot!
If I
were
to see
you
againI
wouldn’t
know
where
to startSo
perhaps
it’s
bestI lay
here
to
restAnd
nurse
my
broken
heart
I
don’t
know how
we got here
But
here
we are
nonetheless
We
should
just make
the best of it
Before
we have
to reassess
Now
we’ll
never
hold
hands
again
Walk
in the
park
or
kiss in
the rain
That
only
fading
memories
of us
remain
Just
breaks
my heart
and fucks
with my
brain
At
least
I don’t
feel pain
anymore
As my
insides
spill
to the
floor
You ask
What
I left
Behind
Nothing
I answer
Just
My mind
If
I had
never
gone
down
this
pathIt
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath
Imagine
what you
could
achieveHe
saidIf only
you just
tried
harderI’ve
done all
I can
to stay
aliveShe
saidI can’t
possibly
go any
farther
Try
as I
may
With
all
of my
might
I
have
no
idea
Where
I’ll
sleep
tonight
What
exactly
am I
missing
out on?Go on
then
please,
explainIt’s
your last
chance to
convince meTo
leave
the
house
again
Sorry
it must
end
this wayShe
saidBut
I need
to let
you goPlease
don’t
forget
what we
hadHe
saidOr
how
I loved
you
so
The
cut
on
my
wrist
Has
now
healed
As
I was
told
not
to
pick
it
The
delicate
skin
Is
now
sealed
So
I’ll
try
not
to
nick
it
Again
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