It's a long way to the bottom
from all the way up here.
As I stand and shiver
I can't help but think...
What happens if I change my mind
halfway down?
Free Fall
I’ve always been troubled.
Born with a darkness at my core.
An ugliness seeping through every fibre of my being.
My body infected with an overall malaise.
I’ve learned, over the years, to hide the monster from most.
Although your death has left me in free fall,
The fact I hate myself and want to die is nothing new.
That’s how I know I can get through this.
And that I’ll be ok.
For Me
Something has to give,
For me to find a reason to live.
Something has to change,
For me to avoid the firing range.
Something good has to come,
For me to choose not to succumb.
Something better has to start,
For me to stop tearing myself apart.
Some other story must be told,
For me to finally come in out of the cold.
Alphabet Heart
Atrophied. Abandoned.
Bleak. Barren.
Crumpled. Cracked.
Dark. Dank.
Embittered. Enraged.
Failed. Forgotten.
Garotted. Gutted.
Hateful. Haunted.
Indignant. Idle.
Jagged. Jaded.
Knocked. Knotted.
Longing. Lost.
Maudlin. Morose.
Nightmarish. Numb.
Obstructed. Obliterated.
Paralysed. Prone.
Quiet. Queasy.
Rotten. Ravaged.
Stolen. Shattered.
Traumatised. Tainted.
Unloveable. Undone.
Violated. Vanquished.
Weeping. Wasted.
Xxx
Yearning. Yawning.
Zero.
Must Try Harder
You must try harder, he says.
Harder to smile,
Harder to laugh,
Harder to forgive,
Harder to forget,
Harder to live again,
Harder to love again.
You must try harder, he says.
I can’t, she whispers
I’m sorry.
Two Day Hangovers
You can take a tablet to halt a head ache.
You can eat a sandwich to settle a queasy stomach.
You can sleep a while to revive your weary bones.
But the self loathing?
That shit lingers on inside your head for days. And there’s nothing you can do to help that.
God, hangovers are awful.
Country Roads
I should stop driving late at night.
Especially on country roads.
It’s becoming far too tempting not to press the foot brake.
And I’m not afraid of the darkness…
Mild Peril
I trace those old scars with my finger
I remember the fleeting pain
And the lasting relief
I never told anyone
I hope I'm not about to re-open old wounds
Literally
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 