Tag: dating

The Blind Date

Only halfway

Through your story

And you’re already

Beginning to bore me

Sometime later

When your story ends

I know for sure

We’ll just be friends

12

Ghosted

Knowing

We’ll never

Meet again

Isn’t even

The worst

It’s more the fact

You never called back

That really

Fucking hurts

2

The Game

With his winning charm

And heart of valour

He led her home

Where he knew he’d have her

With her flowing hair

And knowing grin

She followed him home

Where she knew she’d win

4

Fancy A Drink Sometime?

I asked him once

Why he’d tried

Because you looked nice

He replied

To which I said

Well, I’m glad you did

As left to me

I’d’ve ran and hid

0

Anxiety

Here again

Home alone

Pacing, waiting

By the phone

Hoping to hear

That familiar tone

And to read our date

Has been postponed

0

This Dating Life

You weren’t even worth
Making a mess
Of my shiny red lips
Or that brand new dress

You didn’t deserve
What was underneath
Or to hear me moan
Between the sheets

So now you know
Why I “got the hump”
As you’re home alone
Having fucked things up

And when they all ask
How my evening went
I’ll be sure to tell them
Of my utter torment

2

Dinner Dates

Please
excuse my
awkwardness

I know
I look like
quite the
amateur

I’m just
not sure
of the
etiquette,
yet

Let alone
all of the
vernacular

0

Stick Your Tongue Out

You may be surprised

To learn in fact

This one doesn’t refer

To a suicide pact

It is actually based

On my favourite date

When we took MDMA

And left the rest to fate

Eternity

Counting the days
Counting the hours

You bring the wine
I’ll bring the flowers

Counting the minutes
Counting the seconds

We’ll both take a pill
As eternity beckons

(Originally Posted 15.08.2019)

0

(Slave To The) Algorithm

I guess that’s why folks use Bumble

Grindr, Tinder and Hinge

Virtually searching for a fumble

For digital bodies on which to binge

Blindfolded

They
say
there’s
someone
for
everyone

But
how
can
that
possibly
be?

I’m
surprised
anyone
can
find
anyone

Trapped
in
this
insanity

(Originally Posted 23.07.2020)

20

Dating Advice

“You’d have so much to offer

If you could just proffer

A kindly look their way”

—

“My mouth may be broken

But I do have a shot gun

So I’m sure I’ll be ok”

20

Swipe Left

Love
might
be in
the air

But
so is
COVID
19

We’re
living
in a
pandemic

You
prick

What
you’re
proposing
is obscene

35

On Future Dates

I
know
that
I
agreed
to
this

But
now
I
am
quite
scared

What
if
I’m
late
to
meet
you

Or
my
ability
to
talk
is
impaired?

What
about
if
you
realise

When
you
look
at
me up
close

That
I
really
am
quite
old
and
tired

And
the
thought
of
kissing
me
is gross?

16

Middle Class Wooing

Don’t
bother
picking
flowers

They
will just
make me
sneeze

If you
really
want to
impress me

Just
bring
a wheel
of cheese

For an
‘expensive’
bottle
of wine

And a
little
bit of
Brie

Is
really
all it
takes

To get
into
bed
with me

28

Transition

I’m not
ready for
you to
love me

She
said

So let’s
just take
things
slow

There’s
so much
I can’t
forget

She
said

But I
need this
more than
you know

0

Swipe Right

How’s
about
it

Just
us
two?

Fancy
a
walk

Visit
the
zoo?

Get
a
beer

Eat
some
food?

Spend
the
night

Being
terribly
rude?

10

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