On A Loop

It doesn’t matter

What you do

Or how many fantasies

You suggest

As nothing can beat

The reality

That plays

Inside my head

Fuzzy With Time

Imprint those times

On your mind

As it won’t be long

Before you find

What you remember

When they’re dead

Is the all pointless

Shit instead

Rewired

I used to be nice

I used to be kind

Then something happened

That changed my mind

Now I’m angry

Now I’m mean

With very little left

In-between

Overcome

Most of the time

I do quite wells

Smile on my face

Everything swell

But when those tears

Decide to fall

The reality is

There’s fuck all

I can do

To save myself

From drowning

An Audience Of One

I write a bit

Now you know

Nothing special

Or much to show

But just enough

To get me though

And show how much

I still miss you

Our Spot

You took my hand

As we crossed the sand

And I knew then

What I still know now

That’s why I come back here

Every year

To talk to you again

Out loud

Getting On With The Job

Why should they rememeber

He said

Every year

When you never even talk

About him here

Well, it’s not like they cared

She said

In the first fucking place

Back when the pain was still written

All over my face

Gone

Love him while

You still can

As the hands of death

Wait for no man

Recognition

I saw it in

Your eyes that day

I heard it

In your voice

You, like me,

No longer see

Living

As a choice

Unplanned

When we said

Goodbye that day

We didn’t know

It would be

Forever

And yet

I’m left

Here alone

With only

Our memories

To treasure

Night Nurse

With medications

To administer

And all those wounds

To dress

I think I said

Goodbye to you

Before you even left

Xxx

Taken Unawares

I stand at the window

Waiting to see you get off

But the bus whistles past

Without needing to stop

Because, of course,

You never got on

As I remember, with force,

That you are gone

Xxx

Burnt Out

Lacking in motivation
Devoid of all desire
Wondering if salvation
Is in the funeral pyre

Stolen

You will never be forgiven

For what you took from me

Not just my only lover

But my whole identity

And even though you did it

A near whole five years ago

I am yet to fully recover

Or let my seething anger go

Futility

The lights go out

In the blink of an eye

And there’s nothing left

But to say goodbye

Widows

We need support

When traumatised

Not to be attacked

Or demonised

Something we wish

That you’d realise

When losing them

Leaves us paralysed

Writing The Book On Grief

Now it’s just over

Four years for me

And although

I’ve learned a lot

I still couldn’t claim

I know enough to explain

Or even to give it

A decent shot


Bereavement

Just
when
I think
I’ve got
no tears
left

They
fall
down
my
face
again

Why
the fuck
didn’t
someone
tell
me

How
to
prepare
for all
this
pain

(Originally Posted 19.02.2020)

Believing

How I remember

Feeling this way

That nothing again

Would be OK

But now I’ve got

Some feeling back

I see a glimmer of hope

Through the crack


Grieving

Are you
sure it’s
gone

He
said

What
about
love

Compassion?

Make
no
mistake

She
said

I’ve
lost
it all

Her
face,
as it was,
ashen

(Originally Posted 18.02.2020)

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