Tag: death

Lucid Dreaming

I guess I hadn’t realised

Others would dream about their dead

That it’s not just me

At the mercy

Of the thoughts inside their head

What I never expected, however,

Is their dreams seem to be quite pleasant

Not like mine

Where he’s still dying

And fear is ever-present

Now I’m wondering how they do it

And if I could control my dreams

As to see him smile

Just for a while

May well reduce my screams

‘You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone ‘

It’s
only
now
I dream
of
you

Now
that
you
are
dead

If
only
you
were
still
here

And
not
just
inside
my
head

Xxx

(Originally Posted 12.11.2020)

13

“The Inexorable March Of Time”

That day

Still comes

Every year

Despite

My avoidance

As it

Draws near

One Year Ago

If I
just
don’t
think
about
it

Then
maybe
that
day
won’t
come

I’m
just
not
sure
I can
face it

When
all
is
said
and
done

(Originally Posted 11.11.2019)

4

Birthdays & Christmases

It’s alright for you

As all you need to do

Is remember him

On special occasions

Well I feel that way

Every fucking day

So you’ll never know

My frustrations

Clueless

You
think
you
know

But
you
have
no clue

What
I’ve
had to
let go

Or
what I
still go
through

(Originally Posted 30.10.2019)

0

Random #249

“People think that I’m sort of okay, you know, like I’m getting on with it. I’m snarky now and again and that this is the lapse – but it’s not. This is me all the time now.

Everything else is the fun, you know.

I’m not well, but I remember what it was like to be normal so I do an impression of that. But this is what I really am. And I want to be normal again. But I’m weak, you know.”

– Tony

2

All Those Little Things

All those little things

That you think matter

Mean literally nothing

When your heart is shattered

Flowers

You never
once
bought
me flowers

Which used
to make
me mad

Now I don’t
give a fuck
about any
of that stuff

I just
want you
back

(Originally Posted 20.10.2019)

0

Not Yet, Anyway

It will soon be three years

Without him here

And I know time is supposed to fly

But it feels like just yesterday

That he was my mainstay

So I’m not ready for some other guy

The Anniversary

It will
soon be
a year,
without
you here,
and I
don’t
know
what
to do.

For I’m
still
nowhere
near,
facing
my fear,
or the
reality
of losing
you.

Xxx

(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)

4

Human Intervention

I think he does this

From time to time

Sends me something

To ease my mind

Some small reminder

Of what once was

Knowing I find no comfort

In the words of God

From Beyond The Grave

There’s no
such thing
as a sign,
she said

Apart from
when you
need one,
he said

(Originally Posted 14.10.2019)

0

Changing Your Tune

We can all claim

To be considerate and kind

To look after each other

In both heart and mind

But what I have found

If the truth be told

Is that people only care

When you’re dead and cold

Harsh Truth

It can
be a
hard
lesson
to learn

When
you’re
at the
point of
no return

That
nobody
actually
gives
a shit

Whether
you decide
to stay
or
end it

(Originally Posted 12.10.2019)

2

Too Much Effort

Why don’t you just move on

They ask

And find another man

I’ve neither the inclination

I reply

Or the attention span

Stupid Questions

Do
you
still
think
of him

They
ask

Every
single
day

I
reply

Will
you
ever
stop

They
ask

Not
until
the
day
I die

(Originally Posted 08.10.2020)

8

Fuck Cancer

I will keep saying it

Until I am blue in the face

That I was effectively widowed

At thirty eight years old

Is an absolute fucking disgrace

Leaving

Now it’s
time
for me
leave

Please
don’t
make a
fuss

It’s not
the end
of the
world

It’s
just
the end
of us

(Originally Posted 08.10.2019)

12

I Don’t Even Like Casserole

I remember there was

A lot of this back then

People calling, fawning,

And trying to be my friend

Now I think about it, perhaps,

They just didn’t know what to say

But at the time I recall how much I wished

They’d just stayed the fuck away

Fake Flowers

Your fake
concern
disgusts me

Your false
condolences
knock me sick

If you
really want
to comfort me

Just piss off
and leave me
alone,

Prick

(Originally Posted 07.10.2019)

4

‘Break On Through (To The Other Side)’

It is hard to accept

Death is the last

That nothing more

Will come to pass

There is no healing

Or making sense of it all

When you’re the one left reeling

On the other side of the wall

One Night In Heaven

Now
we’ll
never
hold
hands
again

Walk
in the
park
or
kiss in
the rain

That
only my
fading
memory
of us
remains

Just
breaks
my heart
and blows
my
brains

(Originally Posted 04.09.2020)

2

A Real Shitty Year

I probably did write this

On a Tuesday

Fuelled by coffee

And nicotine

But in truth

This could’ve been posted

On any given day

Back in twenty nineteen

Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of any improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal

Before I decide to end it all for real

(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)

2

A Shared Experience

I thought it was just me

Back then

But now I know I’m just one of many

Death affects everyone

As we all feel loss, innately

Only You

With my
heart
in my
mouth

And my
head
in my
hands

It saddens
me to realise

That no one
understands

(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)

0

Even On Good Days

It’s never too far away

That shadow

I see it from the corner

Of my eye

An ever present reminder

Of what we lost

And when we had

To say goodbye

Mourning

Darkness
casts a
shadow
over my
head

As it
does
over
my
heart

Thoughts
and
dreams
of you
abound

As does
sorrow
that
we’d to
part

(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)

2

Redo

There is no going back

There are no more simpler times

Now I just have to accept

That you’ll never again be mine

Undo

Can we go back

To a simpler time

When I was yours

And you were mine?

(Originally Posted 27.09.2020)

0

It Comes To Us All

Seriously

They said

Do you have to be so fucking dramatic

One day you will feel the same

She said

When you experience something as tragic

The Double Bed

It’s been so quiet

Since you left

All I hear

Is my own breath

As I lie here alone

And wait for death

(Originally Posted 25.09.2020)

0

Telling The Truth

Three years on

And although further forward

By the pain of his death

I am still tortured

At A Bedside, Desolate

There
is no
more
hope.

There
are no
more
dreams.

My life
continues
to fall apart
at the seams,

As I
lie here
thinking
of you.

And
wondering
what the fuck
I’m supposed
to do,

Now.

(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)

0

Captainless

I still don’t really understand

Why I was left feeling so at sea

As I was always the one

Who steadied our ship

It’s not like you ever looked after me

Without You

Life
is just
shit
without
you

I’ve got
nothing
left to
hold
on to

If
only
you were
still
here

Then I’d
have
nothing
left
to fear

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

2

Autopilot

Grief doesn’t come with a manual

And neither, you’ll find, does life

So you just have to go on

Now they’re gone

And hope that you stay alive

NUMB

I
didn’t
think

It
would
be
like
this

Whatever
this
is

(Originally Posted 17.09.2019)

4

Judgement Day

To find out if

It’s eternal damnation

Is the worst kind

Of anticipation

Bad News

The
wait
is
almost
worse
than
the
call
itself

(Originally Posted 15.09.2020)

0

Minimal

When feelings

Are so intrinsic

Language

Is best kept simplistic

Random #19

It

just

fucking

hurts

(Originally Posted 14.09.2019)

4

Years Down The Line

If death teaches you anything

It’s the importantance of a will

As without such frugality

You’ll find that your family

Will be arguing, still

Around The Corner

It’s
true
that
life
is
short

But
for
some
it’s
shorter
still

They
never
even
see
it
coming

Let
alone
have
made
a
will

(Originally Posted 11.09.2020)

8

Random #236

“And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again”

0

Taking Back Control

I know what you did

That day

How you made sure

Your pain

Stopped

Were You Afraid Of Dying?

It
was
awful
to see
you
waste
away

Neither
of us
knowing
why

Now
my
only
hope

Is
you
are
smoking
dope

At
that
great
gig in
the
sky

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)

2

Death Trumps Divorce

It doesn’t compare

It’s not the same thing

I lost the man completely

Not just my wedding ring

That Morning

You
can
try
to
imagine

But
you
can
never
know

How
much
it
tore
me
apart

When
I had
to let
him go

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)

0

Letting It Out

Sometimes it is sadness

Sometimes it’s deep frustration

But mostly it’s just

That I still feel lost

In this whole fucking situation

Hold Me

Words
can
not
describe
the
hurt

As my
tears
fall
onto
your
shirt

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)

2

This

I reach
for his
hand

Every
day

But
nothing
makes

The
pain
go away

That

It’s
just not
right

That you
won’t be
here when
I look
tonight

It’s
just not
fair

That I’ll
reach for
your hand
and it won’t
be there

(Originally Posted 07.09.2019)

4

#25 The Conductor

I wrote this one

On a train

Making my way

Back home again

I remember she asked me

Why it was I cried

‘Because he’s dead’

I replied

The Removal Van

All
my dreams
are dead.

All that’s left
is this room
inside my head,

Where you
once lived.

I wish
you’d move
back in.

(Originally Posted 07.09.2019)

0

‘Til Death Us Do Part

Nineteen years of ups and downs

Of keeping the wolves at bay

But looking back now

We always got through, somehow

Doing things our own way

A Living Hell

Damned am I
who has been
torn in two

Damned am I
who fell in
love with you

(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)

0

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