"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
It is hard to accept
Death is the last
That nothing more
Will come to pass
There is no healing
Or making sense of it all
When you’re the one left reeling
On the other side of the wall
One Night In Heaven
Now
we’ll
never
hold
hands
again
Walk
in the
park
or
kiss in
the rain
That
only my
fading
memory
of us
remains
Just
breaks
my heart
and blows
my
brains
(Originally Posted 04.09.2020)
I probably did write this
On a Tuesday
Fuelled by coffee
And nicotine
But in truth
This could’ve been posted
On any given day
Back in twenty nineteen
Tuesday
I called in sick for work today.
My heart just couldn’t come out to play.
All I’ve done is lie in bed
Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.
With nausea consuming every movement,
My mood shows no sign of any improvement.
I hate existing like this.
Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.
I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal
Before I decide to end it all for real
(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)
I thought it was just me
Back then
But now I know I’m just one of many
Death affects everyone
As we all feel loss, innately
Only You
With my
heart
in my
mouth
And my
head
in my
hands
It saddens
me to realise
That no one
understands
(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)
It’s never too far away
That shadow
I see it from the corner
Of my eye
An ever present reminder
Of what we lost
And when we had
To say goodbye
Mourning
Darkness
casts a
shadow
over my
head
As it
does
over
my
heart
Thoughts
and
dreams
of you
abound
As does
sorrow
that
we’d to
part
(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)
There is no going back
There are no more simpler times
Now I just have to accept
That you’ll never again be mine
Undo
Can we go back
To a simpler time
When I was yours
And you were mine?
(Originally Posted 27.09.2020)
Seriously
They said
Do you have to be so fucking dramatic
One day you will feel the same
She said
When you experience something as tragic
The Double Bed
It’s been so quiet
Since you left
All I hear
Is my own breath
As I lie here alone
And wait for death
(Originally Posted 25.09.2020)
Three years on
And although further forward
By the pain of his death
I am still tortured
At A Bedside, Desolate
There
is no
more
hope.
There
are no
more
dreams.
My life
continues
to fall apart
at the seams,
As I
lie here
thinking
of you.
And
wondering
what the fuck
I’m supposed
to do,
Now.
(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)
I still don’t really understand
Why I was left feeling so at sea
As I was always the one
Who steadied our ship
It’s not like you ever looked after me
Without You
Life
is just
shit
without
you
I’ve got
nothing
left to
hold
on to
If
only
you were
still
here
Then I’d
have
nothing
left
to fear
(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)
Grief doesn’t come with a manual
And neither, you’ll find, does life
So you just have to go on
Now they’re gone
And hope that you stay alive
NUMB
I
didn’t
think
It
would
be
like
this
Whatever
this
is
(Originally Posted 17.09.2019)
To find out if
It’s eternal damnation
Is the worst kind
Of anticipation
Bad News
The
wait
is
almost
worse
than
the
call
itself
(Originally Posted 15.09.2020)
When feelings
Are so intrinsic
Language
Is best kept simplistic
Random #19
It
just
fucking
hurts
(Originally Posted 14.09.2019)
If death teaches you anything
It’s the importantance of a will
As without such frugality
You’ll find that your family
Will be arguing, still
Around The Corner
It’s
true
that
life
is
short
But
for
some
it’s
shorter
still
They
never
even
see
it
coming
Let
alone
have
made
a
will
(Originally Posted 11.09.2020)
“And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again”
I know what you did
That day
How you made sure
Your pain
Stopped
Were You Afraid Of Dying?
It
was
awful
to see
you
waste
away
Neither
of us
knowing
why
Now
my
only
hope
Is
you
are
smoking
dope
At
that
great
gig in
the
sky
Xxx
(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)
It doesn’t compare
It’s not the same thing
I lost the man completely
Not just my wedding ring
That Morning
You
can
try
to
imagine
But
you
can
never
know
How
much
it
tore
me
apart
When
I had
to let
him go
Xxx
(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)
Sometimes it is sadness
Sometimes it’s deep frustration
But mostly it’s just
That I still feel lost
In this whole fucking situation
Hold Me
Words
can
not
describe
the
hurt
As my
tears
fall
onto
your
shirt
Xxx
(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)
I reach
for his
hand
Every
day
But
nothing
makes
The
pain
go away
That
It’s
just not
right
That you
won’t be
here when
I look
tonight
It’s
just not
fair
That I’ll
reach for
your hand
and it won’t
be there
(Originally Posted 07.09.2019)
I wrote this one
On a train
Making my way
Back home again
I remember she asked me
Why it was I cried
‘Because he’s dead’
I replied
The Removal Van
All
my dreams
are dead.
All that’s left
is this room
inside my head,
Where you
once lived.
I wish
you’d move
back in.
(Originally Posted 07.09.2019)
Nineteen years of ups and downs
Of keeping the wolves at bay
But looking back now
We always got through, somehow
Doing things our own way
A Living Hell
Damned am I
who has been
torn in two
Damned am I
who fell in
love with you
(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)
It can be hard to stop
And smell the roses
When you’d rather
Be six feet under them
The Black Dog
When I heard
the black dog
barking outside
I knew I had
nowhere left
to hide
When I heard
the black dog
at my door
I knew I didn’t
have the strength
to fight anymore
Now I hear
the black dog
on my shoulder
And all I feel
is relief
that it’s over
(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)
Now I don’t bother
With feelings at all
They wouldn’t get it
Even if I tried
No one cares
As it was my man,
Not theirs,
Who so unexpectedly died
Locked Away
As the
chasm
between
us
Continues
to grow
It gets
harder
and
harder
My
feelings
to show
Xxx
(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)
This was so true
For much of that first year
In fact it’s only now
I have realised
How much his illness
And his death
Had left me
Paralysed
The Robbery
Your illness
robbed you
of your life
And it
robbed me
of my mind
Your death
still cuts me
like a knife
So now
to madness
I am inclined
(Originally Posted 01.09.2019)
I wish I could update this one
Comment on how it has aged
Yet it seems that when
I pick up the pen
It’s only my tears that fill the page
I Hope So
Sing
to me
some
more
She
said
For
your
voice
I hold
so dear
I’ll
always
sing to
you
He
said
Even
when
I’m no
longer
here
Xxx
(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)
This is it
Where she now lies
The lonely widow
Who always cried
If only she
Had married again
Perhaps she may
Have forgotten her pain
Lovers Reunited
If I
can’t have
the one
that’s gone
then I’ll
just wait
out here,
alone,
until there’s
an end
to all
this pain
and our
hearts can
beat together
again
(Originally Posted 31.08.2019)
If I ever get round
To publishing that book
This will be the inscription
Not only does it sound
Like a pretty good hook
It’s also an accurate description
Last Year
It wasn’t
just the
end of us
It was
the end of
everything
Xxx
(Originally Posted 29.08.2019)
No one would believe it
Not even wrapped up in a bow
Even those who trust
In reincarnation
Would find this one hard to swallow
Making (Sh)It Up
Who
could
believe
we’d
get
this
That
we’d
ever
again
share
a kiss
That
both
of our
hearts
a beat
would
miss
That
we’d be
together
bathed
in bliss
(Originally Posted 29.08.2020)
If only if was like that
All sentimental and romantic
But believe you me,
In reality,
Death throes are far more frantic
9.15am
I
was
high
As
were
you
When
we said
goodbye
In the
morning
hue
(Originally Posted 28.08.2019)
People say things
Get better with time
Which may be their truth
But it isn’t mine
Not Long Now
Each day brings
Yet more false hope
Along with an another
Earth shattering new low
I really am just
Biding my time now
Waiting until
It’s my turn to go
(Originally Posted 27.08.2019)
Remember when you told me
It was the best show you’d ever seen
That you watched in tears
As your worst fears
Played out on the TV screen
Well, it wasn’t just a show for me
It was exactly how I felt
I lived through those scenes
On the silver screen
And dealt with it all myself
See, you never really understood
You made that abundantly clear
You didn’t sympathise
Let alone empathise
With me at any point that year
So now when I recall you saying
How you cried so selflessly
I know for a fact
It was all just an act
As you lied so effortlessly
What I Should Have Said
Get to fuck
You piece of shit
I will not stand
For any more pish
You think you’re it
But it’s just a front
You’re nothing more
Than a self serving cunt
(Originally Posted 25.08.2020)
Back then my head
Was in such a mess
I couldn’t even wish myself
A peaceful death
Out With A Bang
What is this
stabbing pain
in my chest?
Why is it
causing me
such unrest?
Fingers
crossed it’s
a heart attack
Then I
can leave
this place
And never
come back
(Originally Posted 23.08.2019)
I have long wanted to end it all
But you were always so full of purpose
As most can attest
Fate is a fickle mistress
But did she really have to curse us?
Do You Hear Me?
I’m still angry
You see
That you died
Before me
It’s just not
The way
It was meant
To be
Xxx
(Originally Posted 21.08.2020)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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