"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
All those years
Spent with you
Silently
Being driven mad
But there’s no denying
(So it’s pointless trying)
That they were the best
I’ve ever had
Taking Things For Granted
I always
thought
being
with you
was hell
Seems
the boredom
of being
without you
is worse
Xxx
(Originally Posted 03.01.2022)
I still loved you
Down to your bones
Even without
Those dulcet tones
Xxx
Robbed
I wish
you
could
have
spoken
Right
at
the
very
end
I’ll
miss
that
sound
forever
The
voice
of my
best
friend
(Originally Posted 03.01.2020)
I know you put
A brave face on
I know as I did it
Myself
Not just because
You’re thinking of others
But more to protect
Yourself
Are You Okay?
I want to ask
But I’m far too scared
For I already know
As into those depths
I’ve stared
(Originally Posted 02.01.2020)
Grief affects everyone
In many different ways
Yet some among us
Prove lucky enough
To escape the daily malaise
Poles Apart
I still cry myself to sleep
Not that you’d know
You selfish creep
You think because
We all lost him
That we both feel the same
But you haven’t got
A fucking clue
Of how I live each day in pain
(Originally Posted 30.12.2020)
There was nothing else
That I could do
Nothing else
That I could say
Other than
To remind them all
That it’s just
Another day
Brutal Honesty
I wish
I could
take
Your
pain
away
Tell
you
everything
Will
be
okay
But
I know
the truth
It
doesn’t
get
better
When
what
you had
Is lost
forever
(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)
I’m not sure
Who suffers more
Those who are
Oblivious
Or those who know
What’s in store
Identity Crisis
In
some
ways
losing
myself
has
been
harder
than
losing
you
(Originally Posted 22.12.2019)
An allegory for so much
This one
Love, life and death
Trying to capture that feeling
When you need to stop
And pause for breath
Keep The Engine Running
Shall
we go
ahead
and jump
He
asked
Now that
we’ve
come
this far?
I’m not
so sure,
anymore,
She
said
Let’s just
get back
in the
car
(Originally Posted 16.12.2019)
Never
Do I feel this more
Than each time I walk
Through that door
Sown Up
I don’t feel better.
I haven’t forgotten.
I’ve just stopped telling you,
How I feel.
(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)
It may well be known
As the land of the free
But that’s not always how
It looks to me
Clarity
In the time it took
To load the gun
He realised how
His demons had won
(Originally Posted 13.12.2020)
Sometimes I wonder
If I made it out alive
Or if I’m actually still dead
I mean I know
I put on a good show
But I’d rather just feel it instead
But Still Alive
Mired in madness
Subsumed in sadness
Buried here forever
Lost in blackness
(Originally Posted 12.12.2019)
There’s something about
The rush of the waves
Those echoing sounds
From beyond the caves
This feels like home
To me
That sheer expanse
Of glass like water
As I stand here shaking
In awe before her
I know when I wade in
I’ll be free
Happy Place
Take me back
To the sea
For it is where
I need to be
But don’t think because
I’ve emptied my pockets
That will be
Enough to stop it
For in the end
It will just be me
Sinking down
Into the depths of the sea
(Originally Posted 10.12.2020)
Many more moons
Have passed since then
And plenty of suns
Now too
In fact it’s been
1,458 days
That I’ve been here
Without you
Xxx
Many A Moon
As that
day draws
ever closer
The pain
cannot be
avoided
To think
it was just
a year ago
When my
whole world
imploded
(Originally Posted 28.11.2019)
I think we both knew
Deep down
That she would soon
Become another
That you’d be left
A husband bereft
And your kids
Without their mother
Now I know
That she had longer
And to her death
You had all faced up
Still it pains me so much
To see you
In the Under 50’s
Widow’s club
The News Nobody Wants
I hope
it all
goes well
today
I hope
with
all my
heart
For I
couldn’t
bear
for you
To live
as I
now do
And
have
your lives
torn apart
(Originally Posted 28.11.2019)
When I think over
These last few years
I really have suffered a lot
So my house may well
Now be up for sale
But my heart definitely is not
Home Sweet Home
They say
you can
never go
home
again
And I’m
starting
to believe
that’s
true
For all
that resides
here now
is a world
of pain
And
far too
many
memories
of you
(Originally Posted 17.11.2019)
There I was
Worried you would leave
But I’ve been granted
A reprieve
I shouldn’t ever have doubted
Your ability
To be broken hearted
And yet still love me
No Matter What?
How
long
will
you
Be
here
for
me
When
your
own
tradegy
strikes
What
will
happen
To
our
love
When
your
reality
bites?
(Originally Posted 13.11.2020)
I guess I hadn’t realised
Others would dream about their dead
That it’s not just me
At the mercy
Of the thoughts inside their head
What I never expected, however,
Is their dreams seem to be quite pleasant
Not like mine
Where he’s still dying
And fear is ever-present
Now I’m wondering how they do it
And if I could control my dreams
As to see him smile
Just for a while
May well reduce my screams
‘You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone ‘
It’s
only
now
I dream
of
you
Now
that
you
are
dead
If
only
you
were
still
here
And
not
just
inside
my
head
Xxx
(Originally Posted 12.11.2020)
That day
Still comes
Every year
Despite
My avoidance
As it
Draws near
One Year Ago
If I
just
don’t
think
about
it
Then
maybe
that
day
won’t
come
I’m
just
not
sure
I can
face it
When
all
is
said
and
done
(Originally Posted 11.11.2019)
It’s alright for you
As all you need to do
Is remember him
On special occasions
Well I feel that way
Every fucking day
So you’ll never know
My frustrations
Clueless
You
think
you
know
But
you
have
no clue
What
I’ve
had to
let go
Or
what I
still go
through
(Originally Posted 30.10.2019)
“People think that I’m sort of okay, you know, like I’m getting on with it. I’m snarky now and again and that this is the lapse – but it’s not. This is me all the time now.
Everything else is the fun, you know.
I’m not well, but I remember what it was like to be normal so I do an impression of that. But this is what I really am. And I want to be normal again. But I’m weak, you know.”
– Tony
All those little things
That you think matter
Mean literally nothing
When your heart is shattered
Flowers
You never
once
bought
me flowers
Which used
to make
me mad
Now I don’t
give a fuck
about any
of that stuff
I just
want you
back
(Originally Posted 20.10.2019)
It will soon be three years
Without him here
And I know time is supposed to fly
But it feels like just yesterday
That he was my mainstay
So I’m not ready for some other guy
The Anniversary
It will
soon be
a year,
without
you here,
and I
don’t
know
what
to do.
For I’m
still
nowhere
near,
facing
my fear,
or the
reality
of losing
you.
Xxx
(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)
“I’m not unhappy. I’m just not quite ready to be happy.”
– Lady Mary Crawley
I think he does this
From time to time
Sends me something
To ease my mind
Some small reminder
Of what once was
Knowing I find no comfort
In the words of God
From Beyond The Grave
There’s no
such thing
as a sign,
she said
Apart from
when you
need one,
he said
(Originally Posted 14.10.2019)
We can all claim
To be considerate and kind
To look after each other
In both heart and mind
But what I have found
If the truth be told
Is that people only care
When you’re dead and cold
Harsh Truth
It can
be a
hard
lesson
to learn
When
you’re
at the
point of
no return
That
nobody
actually
gives
a shit
Whether
you decide
to stay
or
end it
(Originally Posted 12.10.2019)
Why don’t you just move on
They ask
And find another man
I’ve neither the inclination
I reply
Or the attention span
Stupid Questions
Do
you
still
think
of him
They
ask
Every
single
day
I
reply
Will
you
ever
stop
They
ask
Not
until
the
day
I die
(Originally Posted 08.10.2020)
I will keep saying it
Until I am blue in the face
That I was effectively widowed
At thirty eight years old
Is an absolute fucking disgrace
Leaving
Now it’s
time
for me
leave
Please
don’t
make a
fuss
It’s not
the end
of the
world
It’s
just
the end
of us
(Originally Posted 08.10.2019)
I remember there was
A lot of this back then
People calling, fawning,
And trying to be my friend
Now I think about it, perhaps,
They just didn’t know what to say
But at the time I recall how much I wished
They’d just stayed the fuck away
Fake Flowers
Your fake
concern
disgusts me
Your false
condolences
knock me sick
If you
really want
to comfort me
Just piss off
and leave me
alone,
Prick
(Originally Posted 07.10.2019)
It is hard to accept
Death is the last
That nothing more
Will come to pass
There is no healing
Or making sense of it all
When you’re the one left reeling
On the other side of the wall
One Night In Heaven
Now
we’ll
never
hold
hands
again
Walk
in the
park
or
kiss in
the rain
That
only my
fading
memory
of us
remains
Just
breaks
my heart
and blows
my
brains
(Originally Posted 04.09.2020)
I probably did write this
On a Tuesday
Fuelled by coffee
And nicotine
But in truth
This could’ve been posted
On any given day
Back in twenty nineteen
Tuesday
I called in sick for work today.
My heart just couldn’t come out to play.
All I’ve done is lie in bed
Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.
With nausea consuming every movement,
My mood shows no sign of any improvement.
I hate existing like this.
Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.
I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal
Before I decide to end it all for real
(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)
I thought it was just me
Back then
But now I know I’m just one of many
Death affects everyone
As we all feel loss, innately
Only You
With my
heart
in my
mouth
And my
head
in my
hands
It saddens
me to realise
That no one
understands
(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)
It’s never too far away
That shadow
I see it from the corner
Of my eye
An ever present reminder
Of what we lost
And when we had
To say goodbye
Mourning
Darkness
casts a
shadow
over my
head
As it
does
over
my
heart
Thoughts
and
dreams
of you
abound
As does
sorrow
that
we’d to
part
(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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