If He Goes, I Go

When he asked if she was OK, she smiled and nodded her head.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him she wished that she was dead.

When he brushed the tears from her eyes, she winced and turned away.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him she wished that he could stay.

When he held her for the last time, she knew she would get her wish.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him she’d already planned for this.

(Originally Posted 23.06.2019)

Sometimes

Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.

Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain, 
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.

Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth,
stories flow like vintage wine, 
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.

Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head,
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed, 
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)

Sailing

‘Choppy waters ahead, Captain, but I see dry land on the horizon’.

‘Drop anchor here then, Sailor, for I’d prefer to die in the storm’.

(Originally Posted 27.03.2019)

Shapes

Leave
this
place,
the
light
shape
whispers,
for
it
is
not
your
time.

I’m
staying
here,
the
dark
shape
whispers,
for
now
I
want
what’s
mine.

(Originally Posted 16.05.2019)

Who Am I?

I think that I forgot myself

Somewhere along the way

So not only have I lost you

I’ve got a whole life to replay

(Originally Posted 28.07. 2019)

Comforting

I don’t know what I’ll do

She said

When it’s time for you to go

You may never see me again

He said

But when I’m next to you

You’ll know

Sleepless Nights

As
I lie
here
broken

And
thinking
of
you

I
wish
there
was a
way

To
hide
from
the
truth

But
I’ll
never
forget

What
we
went
through

All the
blood,
tears
and
sweat

We
lost
in that
room

Vital Signs

Surrounded
by death is
particularly
unpleasant

Especially
as not
everyone
makes it
to heaven

The Double Bed

It’s been so quiet

Since you left

All I hear

Is my own breath

As I lie here alone

And wait for death

Deep Breaths

Maybe
you’ll
change
your
mind

Or
maybe
you
won’t

But
one
thing
is for
sure

You’ll
regret
it if
you
don’t

‘Twilight’

I wish
I could
remember

The
good
old
days

But I
fear they
were just
a lie

For I
cannot
recall

Any
time in
my life

When I
didn’t
want
to die

Duty Of Care

I
wanted
to help
you

He
said

I
really
wanted
to try

Then you
should
have left
me alone

She
said

You
should
have just
let me die

Pointless Resolutions

Well,
that’s
another
year
nearly
over

And
what
have
I
done?

Nothing
but
prepare
for
another
year
of
misery

Just
like
the
last
one

Wondering Late At Night

Would I
have made
a different
choice

If I had
never
heard
your
voice?

Would I
live in a
different
place

If I had
never
seen
your
face?

Would your
death have
hurt me
this much

If I had
never
felt
your
touch?

Brutal Honesty

I wish
I could
take your
pain away

Tell
you that
everything
will be okay

But
I know
the truth

They
don’t
get
better

And
then
what
you had
is lost

Forever

Utterly Helpless

I really wish
that I could do more

Like pick you up
from the bathroom floor

Hug you when
your heart is breaking

And give you comfort
when your bones are aching

But for as much as
your pain to me is known

This is a journey
you must walk alone

‘Lonely This Christmas’

I remember when we stayed in bed all day

And just ate crisps and cheese

I remember when I surprised you with gifts

And you couldn’t have been more pleased

I remember when you chatted with my Gran

And you were welcomed by my crazy clan

I remember receiving your last present

Sent to me all the way from heaven

I miss you so much today

That you’re not here is a shame

As Christmas Day without you

Will never be the same

Xxx

Name That Tune

People play
those songs

With no notion
of this pain

No idea that
when I hear them

My heart bleeds
for you again

Ever Hopeful

Crossing
the road
slowly

Ever hopeful
of getting
run over

Leaving
the oven
door open

Ever hopeful
of inhaling
the gas

Drinking
spirits
every day

Ever hopeful
of pickling
the liver

Eating
salted chips
all night

Ever hopeful
of a heart
bypass

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