"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
You may be surprised
To learn in fact
This one doesn’t refer
To a suicide pact
It is actually based
On my favourite date
When we took MDMA
And left the rest to fate
Eternity
Counting the days
Counting the hours
You bring the wine
I’ll bring the flowers
Counting the minutes
Counting the seconds
We’ll both take a pill
As eternity beckons
(Originally Posted 15.08.2019)
Yet I didn’t slip away
Quietly
I remained
And caused a fuss
I got my head down
And stuck around
To tell the story
Of us
‘Slip Away, Quietly’
All
happiness
is fleeting
All
sadness
is depleting
I am
no longer
competing
As from
sanity
I am
retreating
(Originally Posted 14.08.2019)
Why don’t you come over
He said
And spend time with me today
Because I’m better off alone
She said
I’ve learned that the hard way
Power
I’ve walked
along
this road
before
Feeling
lonely
and
insecure
At least
this time
I know
for sure
You
cannot
hurt me
anymore
(Originally Posted 11.08.2019)
And we all know why that is, don’t we?
We all know what you stole
Any trust in men
Was taken when
You denied me any control
Don’t Touch Me
People
like me
can never
be loved
It’s something we
won’t allow
People
like me
can never
be loved
We simply don’t
know how
(Originally Posted 31.07.2019)
I remember that night so well
Even though I don’t remember his face
I felt so guilty
Thinking they should commit me
Just for craving his embrace
Guilty
I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.
I’m sorry.
(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)
The microdosing experiment was shortlived, thankfully
As if it continued
I think I would’ve broken through that fifth wall
And bricked it up behind me
Never to return
A Long Forty Eight Hours
If you stare
at the same four walls
for long enough,
a fifth can start
to appear.
Perhaps it’s then
you’re supposed to
realise that
the end is near.
If you stare
at the same four walls
for long enough,
your mind can
start to bend.
Perhaps it’s then
you’re supposed to
know it’s the
beginning of the end
(Originally Posted 28.07.2019)
You said you’d had enough
Back then
That you’d heard it all before
But I always knew
With these words I spew
You’d keep coming back for more
With A Wink
You
really
are
He
said
Without
doubt
The
most
depressing
woman
I’ve
met
Really
She
said
That
is a
shame
As
you
ain’t
seen
nothing
yet
(Originally Posted 23.07.2020)
Now the worst has happened
And the handover is complete
There is nothing I can say or do
To help him back to his feet
Handover
You’ll
never
cope
She
said
When
this
happens
to you
I
know
He
said
I’m
dreading
it too
(Originally Posted 16.07.2020)
I hope never again
To find myself
Walking along this path
I’ve been through such a lot
That I’m pretty much shot
So I doubt I would make it back
Depression (Part 2)
Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink a shit load of booze
Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore
Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed
Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known
(Originally Posted 15.07.2019)
Back before
I was heart broken
And became
Such a misery
I was capable
Of having fun
Which I did,
Consistently
This is one
Of many stories
From when I was
The queen of frolicking
To think how I was then
Compared to now
Is quite simply
Astonishing
If I could roll back
The years
And talk
To a younger me
I would tell her
‘Don’t just pick one fella’
And keep living your life
Care free
A Love Quadrangle
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
one
I’ve
been
here
from
the
start
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
two
I’d
never
break
her
heart
It
should
be
me
Said
man
number
three
I
see
her
playful
side
Please,
stop
arguing
boys
She
said
You
couldn’t
handle
me if
you
tried!
(Originally Posted 30.06.2020)
If only I could make it better
But there is no way that I can
For you have lost her forever
Just the same as I lost my man
Real Talk
It
hurts
my
heart
To
hear
you
cry
And
watch
you
break
Like
this
As
your
life
Falls
apart
And
you
stare
Into
the
abyss
(Originally Posted 25.06.2020)
I’ve done what I can
Said the man
The rest is up to you
I will try, Brother
Said the other
But it’s not what I am used to
Taking Turns
That’s
it
now
I’ve
pulled us
through
So for
better
or worse
It’s
over
to you
(Originally Posted 22.06.2020)
When I sat down and wrote this one
Everyone else was at the bar
(In the grand scheme of things that day
We hadn’t travelled very far)
Whilst I waited for my drink
I plastered on a smile
Wishing I was anywhere but
En route to the Emerald Isle
The Airport Lounge
It doesn’t matter how loud people are
They never drown out the voices inside my head.
(Originally Posted 23.05.2019)
Sometimes
The words I use
Are not deliberately explicit
Sometimes
The words I choose
Are inherently implicit
Overpowered
It is
not
only
my
heart
that
bleeds
As
you
take
care
of
your
own
needs
(Originally Posted 18.05.2020)
The simple things in life
It seems
Are not for the likes of me
All I feel I deserve
It seems
Is pain and misery
Arcadia
Here
I am
again
Sitting
all
alone
I don’t
like this
anymore
I just
want to
go home
(Originally Posted 09.05.2020)
‘I wasn’t scared when he caught me
Look what it taught me’
You may think you’re richer
You may think you’re oh so smart
You may even think you’re better than me
But you’ll never have my heart
If alcohol doesn’t soothe me
And music doesn’t move me
It’s no wonder I can’t cope
This crippling anxiety
Coupled with impropriety
Has left me devoid of hope
What can you do
When the words won’t flow
When you have exhausted
Every topic you know
Perhaps all there is
Is to put down the pen
And hope that one day
You’ll be hurt again
If all the roads are closed tonight
Then how will I get home
I’m much too scared
And emotionally impaired
To go a night out here alone
I can’t help you
She said
I have nothing to give
Don’t count on me
She said
For your reason to live
It was you who made things difficult
It was you who made things worse
You who added injury to insult
It was you who left me cursed
It was you who made me doubt myself
It was you who made me cry
You who just pleased yourself
It was you who never asked why
But as for all that has followed
All that has now came to be
Every pill that I have swallowed
That’s on no one else but me
I fucking hate Christmas
Just like Christmas hates me
Walking on eggshells all day
Faking smiles around a tree
I learned when I was five
Santa doesn’t deliver for free
That he prefers ‘good little girls’
And the one he favoured that year was me
As an adult I’ve tried to make it better
To erase him from my memory
But I still fucking hate Christmas
Just like Christmas hates me
What do you do?
I write poetry.
Pretty ones? With hearts and flowers?
No. The truth.
I suppose
You understand me now
Why I said
What was on my mind
Well don’t expect
Anything from me
As I’ll be paying you back
In kind
I remember
That day
When my doubts
Fell away
And I walked on broken glass
Now with veins
Of ice
I wouldn’t
Think twice
About kicking your sorry ass
I did love someone once
She was beautiful inside and out
The life and soul of the party
Her passion never in doubt
But one day she grew cold
And her light began to fade
So now I no longer love her
Because of who it was she betrayed
If I knew then
What I know now
I wouldn’t have let you stay
I’d have made sure
You saw the worst of me
And done my best
To push you away
You must know why
I behave this way
The resignation is clear
On my face
You of all people
Should understand
My need for time
And space
It’s sad that you have to endure
The same shit that I did
Remarks about your skin colour hurt
Especially when you’re a kid
Just know that you’re amazing
As you’re growing day by day
You’ll always be the better person
No matter what they say
I always assumed
Because I did it with ease
That you’d find it straightforward too
But I’ve come to realise
In the cold light of day
I was just better at it than you
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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