“I’ll Probably Never See You Again…”

When I first started 
Posting here
I was struggling
To hold on
A deep sadness
Had engulfed me
And all
Of my hope
Was gone

My partner
Of nigh on
Twenty years
Had died
Just four months
Before
My heart
Was broken
And my life, then,
A token
That I was failing
To endure

Because, you see,
He'd been taken
From me
In the most horrific way
To witness
If you've never seen it
I can tell you,
With feeling,
Cancer
Is a cunt
Of an illness

So I began
To write again
As a way
To express
My emotions
Thinking,
At best,
I might get
Some rest
If I recorded
My rambling notions

I knew
From the start
Some readers
Would baulk
At what I had
To lay bare
Suicidal thoughts
And self harm,
Of course,
All referenced
Without a care

But I had to be
Authentic
To me
And reflect
What I
Was feeling
Even though I knew
The words
I'd spew
Might leave
More sensitive readers
Reeling

And yet here
I have found
Such a welcoming crowd
Who've helped me
Hugely
When times were tough
For their patience,
Kindness,
And understanding
I could never
Thank them
Enough

So if you find
From here on in
That I am not posting
As often
Please know that you are,
In no small part,
The reason
I've started
To soften

As for me
Well, I will see
If I can continue
To reduce
My pain
But I will take
Some comfort
And feel
A little triumphant
Knowing,
At least,
I entertained

❤️

Lighter (Bonus Post)

Well thank fuck for that

She said

As she walked away

With her empty head


Fair And Square

One
thousand
poems

And I am
finally
done

This
battle is
now over

And my
war has
been won

(Originally Posted 29.02.2020)

Relocation

It wasn’t that

After our spat

I just put up

The ‘no vacancies’ sign

But I sold the whole

B & B

And left all your bullshit

Behind


No Vacancies

I don’t
want you
to visit

When all
you bring
is pain

I’d rather
stay home
alone

And break
this toxic
chain

(Originally Posted 23.02.2020)

It Doesn’t Take Much

My heart aches just

That little bit more

As I read this

With a sigh

Remembering the time

With your hand in mine

Crying

We said goodbye

Xxx


‘Everything Must Go’

Don’t
say
anything
else

He
said

Please,
just
hold
my
hand

I’ll
stay
until
we
reach

She
said

Our
line in
the
sand

(Originally Posted 07.02.2020)

Insignificant

You’d love to think

You’re in my head

Day in and

Day out

But the truth is

For last few years

It’s been so easy

To block you out


My Truth

I wish
I could
say I was
sorry

I wish
I could
say that
I care

But
I’m
actually
not

And
I really
don’t

So to
lie
would
be unfair

(Originally Posted 04.02.2020)

Best Thing I Ever Did

Full of your own

Self importance

Never short

Of a winning performance

You had vanity at your core

All those years

You implored us

Until that day

We saw your distortions

And I walked out the door


I’m Fine Thanks

I’m sorry you think I’ve missed you

As I haven’t given one fuck

If you thought you mattered

And my life is shattered

Well then, you’re shit out of luck

(Originally Posted 20.12.2021)

“Feeling Good As Hell”

You may think

That I’m left whimpering

But I can promise you

I am not

For I no longer need suffer

Your simpering

Which was worth

Every inch we fought


The High Road

You can just

Fuck off now

As I

Have had enough

I no longer

Give a shit

About all this

Selfish stuff

But you should know

Just one thing

And yes,

I will be blunt

Maybe I wasn’t

Always right

But you

Were always a cunt

(Originally Posted 14.12.2020)

Mutually Exclusive

Between your happiness

And mine

I’d pick my freedom

Everytime


Last In Line

If you continue to push this

She said

And I am forced to choose

You really should be prepared

She said

For the fact I won’t pick you

(Originally Posted 06.12.2021)

Deleted

You lost the rights

Of a confidente

When you sold me down the river

Content to stare

Without a care

As I stood there and shivered

So I’ll never again

Confide in you

On that I will deliver

For all my trust

Has turned to dust

As our friendship has now withered


On Silent

Don’t
bother to
phone me

As I’ll
just watch
it ring

I will not
answer
to you

Or
tell you
anything

(Originally Posted 26.10.2019)

Nothing Left To Say

I am pretty sure

I’ll give up soon

When I find a moment

That is opportune

I’ll say goodbye

Just after nightfall

And put down my pen

Once and for all


Done In

There’s
only so
much I
can write

Before
I go
to sleep
tonight

My
eyes are
heavy and
overtired

My
heart is
weary and
overfired

(Originally Posted 22.10.2019)

Fun While It Lasted

It wasn’t that

I wanted to stop

But I was scared that we’d get caught

That’s why I knew

What I had to do

Even though it left us distraught


Condensation

As the
wind
rattles
the
window
pane

I
wonder
if it’s
cold
where
you are

Or are
you
now
just
over
heating

In
somebody
else’s
car

(Originally Posted 23.09.2020)

Bleeding Fingers

I can actually remember this

Like it was yesterday

That night when I

Had had enough

And finally walked away


A New Dawn

Everything
changed
when I
walked out
of there

The feel of
the breeze
and the
warmth
of the air

For once
in my life
I just
stopped
fighting

And I
suddenly
found life
much more
inviting

(Originally Posted 17.09.2019)

Liberation

Best thing I ever did

Was to cut you dead

Not just out of my life

But also out of my head


Done

Fuck you,

And your pathetic little smile.

Fuck you,

And your supercilious bile.

Fuck you,

And your disingenuous chatter.

Fuck you,

For you no longer matter,

At all,

To me.

(Originally Posted 16.09.2019)

Peacetime

None of us won the battle

And certainly not the war

But my conscience has been

Squeaky fucking clean

Since showing you all the door


Acrimony

Whilst
trying
to fix
this
unconscionable
mess,
I’ve
realised
it’s all
fucking
pointless,
anyway.

Nobody wins.

(Originally Posted 05.09.2019)

Uninstalled

I knew you were only sending it

As you still wanted to scrap

So just to make sure

You got nothing more

I simply deleted the app


Digital Olive Branch

You can request
my friendship
all you like

But it’ll
never be
accepted

You can send,
send and
send it again

But it’ll
always be
rejected

(Originally Posted 05.09.2019)

You’ll Never See Me Again

The best thing that I ever did

Was my own fear to subdue

It may have took me a while

But nothing beats the smile

I now wear in spite of you


Soon

Life
has
been
so much
better
without
all your
bullshit
in it

Now
I know
for sure
that
I’ll soon
be removing
you
from
it

(Originally Posted 18.08.2019)

A Day Reclaimed

When asked to describe

The best day of your life

I’m sure you’ve got many replies

When you got married,

The birth of your kids

Or some such equally befitting prize

Well I know that for me

It was when I chose to be free

And told those fuckers I’d never be back

And ever since that time

I’ve been on cloud nine

With no fear of that panic attack


Family Dinners

Can I be arsed with this?

No.

Do I still have to go?

Yes.

Fuck.

(Originally Posted 14.07.2019)

‘Just Fucking Leave Me Alone’

How can you sleep at night

She said

Just cutting me off like this

With no problem at all

She said

Despite how you persist


‘Because Enough Is Too Much’

I can explain

He said

If you want to hear it

I don’t have time

She said

For anymore bullshit

(Originally Posted 03.07.2021)

Zero Tolerance

Having been in this situation

More than once

I made sure to learn from it

So now I immediately

Draw the line

The second I smell bullshit


Distortion

You
tell
your
truth

And
I’ll
tell
mine

But
we
both
know

Who
crossed
the
line

(Originally Posted 26.06.2020)

Just Enough Justification

That day you decided

To take it all from me

Yet all you actually provided

Was the route to set me free


You Know Nothing

I do not want your pity

Your sympathy is of no use

I care nothing for your tears

As your grief is just an excuse

(Originally Posted 29.05.2019)

You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourselves, Frankly

You never got why

I did what I did

Even now, you couldn’t recall

But I know why

I did what I did

And I don’t regret it, at all


Mine

I don’t want to ‘talk’ about it.

I don’t want to ‘express’ it.

I don’t want to ‘let it out’.

I want to keep this part for me.

A part that’s private.

A part that’s mine and mine alone.

As it should be.

I didn’t share my love and I refuse to share my grief.

So just piss off, the lot of you.

(Originally Posted 03.05.2019)

The Midland Hotel

I met him again

Last week in town

Just me and him

No one else around

It was quite nice

When we went to bed

I didn’t pay much mind

To his empty head

But upon waking

I knew it was a mistake

So I said my goodbyes

Saving myself the headache


Sex With The Ex

There’s a small amount of comfort

But it quickly becomes a chore

And when he tries

To converse

You remember why he’s such a bore

(Originally Posted 29.03.2021)

All Along

I’ve long suspected

You were a dickhead

But now I know for sure

So because you’ve behaved

As expected

I won’t be seeing you

Any more

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