Deceit

Lying to
myself
is bad
enough

But
lying
to you
hurts
more

But
there’s
no way
I could
be truthful

That’s
for
fucking
sure

Immoral

This
can’t
go on

We
mustn’t
continue

As the
guilt is
seeping

Into
every
sinew

It
has to
stop

It
shouldn’t
have
started

As
we
made a
mockery

Of our
dearly
departed

The Reckoning

If you
can’t
bear
to see
the hurt
you’ve
caused

Then
feel
free
to
look
away

For I
know
that
guilt
will
fuck
you up

And
you’ll
face
the
truth
one day

Selfish

I suppose
I should
have
asked

If you
really
were
ok

Before
I put our
friendship
on blast

And
again as
I walked
away

Criminal

We all
do bad
things
sometimes

Yet not
everyone
is made
to pay

But while
you’ll never
admit your
crimes

Just know
the truth
will out
one day

Drunk

Looking in
the mirror
gives me
a fright,

But I think
I had a
good time
last night.

I don’t
remember
much or how
I got home,

Thank
fuck I’ve
woken up
alone.

Guilty

I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.

I’m sorry.

Freezing

I tried really hard today.

To laugh.

To be normal.

To forget.

And I managed, for a while.

But still I lie in bed here, freezing, hoping to go to sleep and dream of you.

Booze (Pt 2)

It’s killing me. This guilt. Every time I go out. I speak to someone and I feel guilty for laughing. I talk about you and I feel guilty for crying. I feel like every one is watching me, secretly whispering, and I feel guilty for being such an arrogant prick. I think everyone is judging me, pitying me and I feel guilty for not having more faith in people.

So I’m just going to stop going out.¬† As it will finish me off eventually. This guilt.