"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Don’t think you can come
Crawling back now
Acting all innocent
And holier than thou
You and I both know
What you did back then
And why, in effect,
I’d wring your neck
Time and time again
Let It Burn
I have killed us
Once before
And I will happily
Do it again
For I am
No longer
In love with you
In fact we’re
Not even friends
(Originally Posted 24.02.2022)
All these years
I’ve been writing
Calling you each
And every name
But perhaps I’ve been mean
Because it’s actually been
My attempt
To shift the blame
Who Gives A Shit
Have
I done
The
wrong
thing
again?
I
suppose
only
time
Will
tell
Until
then
I’ll try
To keep
myself
sane
While
I prepare
To
burn
in hell
(Originally Posted 04.01.2020)
You will do it
Again one day
Hurt someone else
In the same way
And when you do
I’ll be there to say
You deserve to hang
Without delay
Criminal
We all
do bad
things
sometimes
Yet not
everyone
is made
to pay
But while
you will
never
admit your
crimes
Just know
the truth
will out
one day
(Originally Posted 06.11.2019)
I’ll talk you through each step
He said
I’ll explain everything as we go
That’s not what concerns me
She said
It’s the resultant shame I need to forgo
Like Riding A Bike
It’s
not
that
I don’t
want
to
She
said
It’s
more
that
I don’t
know
how
Just
come a
little
closer
He
said
None
of
that
matters
now
(Originally Posted 05.08.2020)
God, I remember that night so well
Along with the guilt that ensued
It took quite a while
To realise my smile
Didn’t leave his memory devalued
Open Ending
It was nice talking to you last night.
I forgot, for a moment, that my heart is broken.
It felt good to laugh, to smile, to dance.
It’s been a while since I did those things.
I’m happy we randomly met, but I’m also glad you left when you did.
Now I have the memory of our open ending, to help mend my grieving heart.
(Originally Posted 17.03.2019)
You can sit there all you want
My friend
Picking at your thumbs
But you and I know
How this will end
When the day of reckoning comes
Staying
up
late
againSitting
here
all
aloneUnable to
shake this
creeping
feelingThat
I really
should
have
known
We’ll
both
carry
the
guilt,
of courseThat’s
just
life
now
I guessIt’s
just
a shameAs
we’re
not to
blameFor
causing
this
fucking
mess
It’s
5.56am
already
And
what
do I
have
to
show
Nothing
but a
bleeding
nose
And
an
empty
bag
of
blow
Lying to
myself
is bad
enough
But
lying
to you
hurts
more
But
there’s
no way
I could
be truthful
That’s
for
fucking
sure
This
can’t
go on
We
mustn’t
continue
As the
guilt is
seeping
Into
every
sinew
It
has to
stop
It
shouldn’t
have
started
As
we
made a
mockery
Of our
dearly
departed
You
don’t
win
the
battleBut
it is
an
advanceOn
winning
the
war
If you
can’t
bear
to see
the hurt
you’ve
caused
Then
feel
free
to
look
away
For I
know
that
guilt
will
fuck
you up
And
you’ll
face
the
truth
one day
Perhaps
this is
all I
deserve
And I
should
expect
more
For
penance
has to
be paid
To
those
my love
I swore
I suppose
I should
have
askedIf you
really
were
okBefore
I put our
friendship
on blastAnd
again as
I walked
away
As
we go
and face
the music
Remember
this is
no time
for hubris
What
happens
when the
laughter
stops
When
that
penny
finally
drops
When we
wake up
tomorrow
with a
raging
hangover
And that
stomach
churning
guilt
takes
over
How do you
want me to feel?
Guilty for trying?
Because I am not.
Guilty for crying?
Because I am not.
Guilty for lying?
Because I am not.
Guilty for dying?
Because I am not.
We all
do bad
things
sometimesYet not
everyone
is made
to payBut while
you’ll never
admit your
crimesJust know
the truth
will out
one day
The guilt
I feel
when
I smileConsumes
my day
and nightPerhaps I
should
just wait
a whileBefore
thinking
it’s alright
It was
what
it wasAnd
whilst
we
had
funNow
it is
what
it isAnd
the
guilt
has
begun
Looking in
the mirror
gives me
a fright,
But I think
I had a
good time
last night.
I don’t
remember
much or how
I got home,
Thank
fuck I’ve
woken up
alone.
I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.I’m sorry.
I tried really hard today.
To laugh.
To be normal.
To forget.
And I managed, for a while.
But still I lie in bed here, freezing, hoping to go to sleep and dream of you.
It’s killing me. This guilt. Every time I go out. I speak to someone and I feel guilty for laughing. I talk about you and I feel guilty for crying. I feel like every one is watching me, secretly whispering, and I feel guilty for being such an arrogant prick. I think everyone is judging me, pitying me and I feel guilty for not having more faith in people.
So I’m just going to stop going out. As it will finish me off eventually. This guilt.
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 