My Younger Self

If I spent time with my younger self, what would I say?

Well done for putting up with this bullshit every day

If I spent time with my younger self, what would I see?

A weary acceptance that life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

If I spent time with my younger self, what would I feel?

An overwhelming sadness that time will never heal

If I spent time with my younger self, what would I do?

Tell them to pack a bag and run away with you

(Originally Posted 24.07.2019)

‘And then you spoke to me and said…’

You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

I was happy just to see you.
Being in the same building as you again sent chills
down my spine and welled tears in my eyes.
I had recognised your presence and then let it go.
Like always.

But you took it further, this time.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

I could not believe what was happening.
My foolish response - 'Wow, you know my name' -
swirling in the air around us,
choking me with its embarrassment.
You smiled your vacant smile.
You muttered something and walked away.

Words cannot describe how I felt.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

It made it all seem worthwhile.
The years of following you. The years of obsession.
You spoke to me.

I had to get another drink and light a cigarette.
So, I noticed, did you.

When you spoke to me that second time,
I don't think I was present.
I had seen you walking in my direction,
but I had ceased to exist.
You said 'I see you all the time at parties,
but I never get a chance to talk to you'.
I drowned in the ecstasy of your words,
and further still when you said 'See you soon'.

Those three words gave me so much hope.
Hope I never had before.
Not even after the notes...

For the rest of the night I watched you, watching me.
At least I pretended not to watch you,
pretending not to watch me.

But I was so happy.  Elated in fact.
You had spoken to me without being forced.
You said my full name without being told what it was.
You looked at me.

When you left the room, and I watched you go,
you didn't just take your pretty little head with you.
You took a piece of me too.
A piece of me that will be with you always,
and lost to me...
Forever.

For MR

(Originally Posted 03/03/2019)

 

That Look

Don't look at me that way 

If you can't back up

What your eyes betray

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)

But

If only I could ask you,
But I never should.

If only I could show you,
But I never would.

If only you could tell me,
But you never should.

If only you could love me,
But you never would.

(Originally Posted 20.04.2019)

Hold Tight

That roof is calling my name.

I know it is.

I can hear it.

Every day its voice gets louder and louder.

Every day I’m drawn closer and closer.

I went up there tonight.

Just to the edge.

Just to look.

I held on to the safety rail.

I cannot promise that tomorrow,

I won’t let go.

(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)

Unobtainable

Maybe one day we’ll meet again

And maybe one day we won’t

But one things for sure

We’ll never be anything more

Than what either of us had hoped

Taken

I can bear most things in life

But it kills me every time

To know no matter what I do

You’ll still never be mine

Random #34

‘When you say it’s gonna happen now

Well when exactly do you mean?

See I’ve already waited too long

And all my hope is gone…’

Making (Sh)It Up

Who
could
believe
we’d
get
this

That
we’d
ever
again
share
a kiss

That
both
our
hearts
a beat
would
miss

That
we’d be
together
bathed
in bliss

Precipice

Grab
onto
this

He
said

It’ll
be
fine

It’s
one
I made
myself

I’m
not
sure

She
said

It
might
not be
safe

I’ve
seen
you
put
up a
shelf

Why Not

Come here

She implored

And sit with me

Let’s drink some wine

Watch shit TV

Hold hands

And talk all night

Until our troubles

Are out of sight

By Accident

And
just
like
that,

I
was
attracted.

Your
hand
warm
in
mine

Distracted
me
from
the
pain.

And
so I
fell in
love
with
you,

All
over
again.

Convince Me

If
life’s
a bitch

She
said

And
then
you
die

What’s
the
point
in
living?

It’s
for
those
moments

He
said

Inbetween

That’s
why we
keep on
giving

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