"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I know I’d suggested
Greeting cards
But as I see the humour in this
Perhaps I’d be more suited
To writing less convoluted
Patient information leaflets
The Human Rattle
Take
these
pills
To
cure
your
ills
And
mend
your
broken
heart
They’ll
give
you
chills
And
delay
your
thrills
But at
least
it’ll
be a
start
(Originally Posted 18.02.2020)
Nothing says
I love you
More than a course
Of antibiotics
Or two
St Valentine’s Day Rebuke
It’s that
time of
year
again
When
love
is in
the air
But so is
Covid,
TB and flu
So please
take your
bullshit
elsewhere
(Originally Posted 17.02.2020)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I know Valentine’s
Was yesterday
But I still fucking hate you
No Love Lost
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I may very well
Have been a cunt
But so, my dear, have you
(Originally Posted 15.02.2021)
The urge to bow out
With a bang
Has been never fucking ending
So let’s wait and see
Whether, tomorrow, said spree
Will be a killing or spending
The Spree
I’m
leaving
first
thing
in the
morning
And I’m
unsure
if I’ll
return
For I
have
so
many
scores
to settle
And a
shitload
of bridges
to burn
(Originally Posted 11.02.2020)
Looking at the others
She said
I really think we have a shot
Then we’d better pack our jumpers
He said
As where we’re headed won’t be hot
Dante’s Board Meeting
So
who
do we
have
next
He
said
To
endure
this
pain
and
sorrow
We
don’t
really
know
She
said
Until
the
vote
tomorrow
(Originally Posted 06.02.2020)
You have to accept
When you eat your friends
That they’re pretty adept
At taking revenge
The Dodgy Prawn
Sweating again
And feeling sick
All because of you
You little prick
(Originally Posted 16.01.2020)
I’d rather just sit
In the corner and brood
As for your ‘humour’
I’m not in the mood
No Laughing Matter
I swear to you right now
On all that is good and holy
Your jokes rarely do anything
But kill me fucking slowly
(Originally Posted 12.01.2021)
Even if I wanted
To get up
And seize the day
It’s far too cold
For one so old
Outside anyway
Anhedonic
Trying
hard
to
survive
This
thing
called
life
Hoping
to fend
off the
madness
Striving
to find
Some peace
of mind
Underneath
this
duvet of
sadness
(Originally Posted 06.01.2020)
I hope you don’t
Just mean your hair
But your personality too
For you’ve been such
A miserable cunt
Throughout 2022
A Change Is As Good As A Rest
A
new
year
begins
Bringing
with it a
new look
I really
hope you
like it
Considering
how long
it took
(Originally Posted 01.01.2020)
I know it’s only
One year on
But I’m still quite proud
Of this
Yet if I’ve had one thought
It’s that I should’ve sought
A better word
To rhyme with Elvis
Until Next Year…
As the calendar page turns once more
We are granted our reprieve
Thank you so much Mariah
Now you can fucking leave
Take that whiny choirboy with you
And that dick who thinks he’s Elvis
Bing and Bowie can piss off too
With their ‘pa rum pum pum pum’ bullshit
We’re happy to wave you off John
Although your message is appreciated
Best take your mate Paul with you though
Before we have his keyboard castrated
It’s time to step out and away now Elton
With The Jacksons, Jonah and Chuck
And as for the ‘NYPD choir’
We couldn’t give less of a fuck
We’ll really only miss you George
Like we do nearly every day
So perhaps, this year, we could keep you
Instead of giving you away
(Originally Posted 29.12.2021)
He was right
As it turns out
As it only took me
A minute
To abandon the joy
I’d tried to employ
As I had reached
My limit
Whatever You Say
I’m going to be happy today
She said
And push this sadness from my mind
I’ll give you half an hour
He said
And even then that’s being kind
(Originally Posted 28.12.2021)
Eat, drink and be merry.
Or just drink.
I know I am.
(Originally Posted 25.12.2019)
You always were the joker
Who we could count on for a laugh
So it’s been hard to watch you
Being literally torn in half
But you don’t have to pretend with us
Or put on your best gameface
As we know, one day, that humour
Will return to its rightful place
GameFace
All I do is let
people down
They want
me to smile
But I can
only frown
For I no longer
have the energy
To be the person
they want me to be
(Originally Posted 27.11.2019)
“Of all the gin joints
In all the world…
She walks into mine”
“I hope he doesn’t think
I came here for him
As I just fancied
A soda and lime”
Old Movies (1)
Come
death
come,
as fast
as you
can
As
frankly
my dear,
I don’t
give
a damn
(Originally Posted 04.11.2019)
I reckon I could melt it
He said
Just by using my hands for warmth
I’m pretty sure at this point
She said
You’d need at least a fucking blowtorch
The Ice Queen
One
touch
Is
not
enough
I’ll
need
much
more
For
my
heart
to
thaw
(Originally Posted 27.10.2019)
Maybe she’s born with it…
Or maybe she’s just clinically depressed…
Moods
Ups and downs,
Peaks and troughs,
But the darkness?
That never stops…
(Originally Posted 10.10.2019)
Well that lasted all of five minutes
As after that lockdown was lifted
I was out the front door like a shot
And did I care who touched me? Not a jot!
Deprived
I
honestly
don’t
remember
When
I last
felt
human
touch
And
as
time
goes
on
I’ve
started
to
feel
That
I actually
don’t
mind
too
much
(Originally Posted 07.10.2020)
I actually quite like this one
It makes me laugh each time I read it
Though I do wonder, sometimes,
If there’s enough in my rhymes
For other people to see it
Romeo & Juliet (Alternative Version)
When
you think
about it,
he said,
true love
never dies.
Oh great
she said,
here we go,
another
hapless
fuckwit
to despise.
(Originally Posted 02.10.2019)
When I stopped the anti depressants
My feelings of lust were incessant
My thirst for bad boys,
Conmen and cowboys
All came back with a vengeance
(Well, those on TV shows at least)
Angels & Devils
Good men
do bad things
And good
women do too
If I was ever that way
inclined again
I’d do bad things
with you
(Originally Posted 13.08.2019)
I’m not sure
If I meant this
In a playful way
Or not
Usually,
I would say I did
But back then
My humour
Was shot
Come Closer
I don’t bite.
Much.
(Originally Posted 27.08.2019)
Mostly I write poems
About depression, death and heartache
Yet sometimes I write poems, it seems,
Just for writing’s sake
This was one of those poems
Even now it doesn’t make much sense
Though I had just watched Braveheart (again)
If that’s any kind of defence
Masterplan
The
candle
grows
dimmer
As my
patience
wears
thinner
Whilst
I wait
for the
steel
to bolt
My
temper
a simmer
As
you
think
you’re
the
winner
Yet I
plan my
peasants’
revolt
(Originally Posted 25.08.2020)
Who am I trying to kid
She said
If anyone comes for me
It’ll be the evil queen
She said
With a poisoned apple or three
Kissing Frogs
I sit here on the sofa
All alone
With the hope of love
Completely gone
Yet I dare to dream
That perhaps one day
My prince will come
To kiss the pain away
(Originally Posted 23.08.2021)
If only I had a pound
For each session that started like this
I wouldn’t need a whip-round
For a better therapist
On The Couch
What’s worrying you today,
He asks.
Everything,
I reply.
(Originally Posted 14.08.2020)
Melodramatic?
Me?
Never!
The Night Shift
Is it
too late
to phone
in sick?
For life…
(Originally Posted 31.07.2019)
“It’s a good job we’re not having soup, or else I’d put me head in it and drown meself.”
– Shirley Valentine
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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