Tag: humour

Of Pensionable Age

If I was ten years younger

He said

Then I’d certainly be more bold

If you were ten years younger

She said

Then you’d still be way too old

4

Make It Make Sense

God knows

What I did

In a past life

Or who sewed

These seeds

I reap

As I can fall

In love

Easily enough

But never 

To fucking sleep

0

Oh, The Irony

Don’t fall for it

Smiled The Charmer

It’s always me

I am the drama

“Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me…”

– Kenneth Williams (as Julius Caesar)

0

Thanks For That

What is the fucking point

She said

Now I’m knee deep in it?

Trying to put

My best foot forward

And wade through this sea of shit

Don’t ask me

He said

2

Soft As Shit

Happy Valentine’s Day

He said

Here’s a teddy

And some flowers

I’d rather go without

She said

Than have to sit with you

For hours

5

Over The Hill

You think

A diet,

Hair dye,

And dentistry

Will help you

Find a mate

But, my dear,

Alas, I fear,

You’ve left it

Far too late

4

Pure Gallus

You may think

Your cheeky wink

Was both charming

And flirtatious

Yet your inane smile

And attempt to beguile

Tested nothing

But my patience

6

Netflix and (Actually) Chill

Please don’t think

That I’m not keen

Being intentionally rude

Or deliberately mean

I’m just not in the mood

To give you head

And I’d rather we watch

This box set instead

5

And I’d Know

You think yourself

Some fucking big shot

But really,

Is that all you’ve got?

‘Cause if what you’re giving

Is truly your best

Then you’re no bigger

Than all the rest

4

Sleight Of Hand

What do we have here?

He said 

Hand snaking

Towards his crotch 

I really can’t be arsed 

She said 

So I’ll just sit here

And watch

0

Succinct

What is life
He said
Without a little risk?

There’s testing the limit
She said
And then taking the piss

0

Afternoon Delights

“Oh, how I’ve missed this”

She said

Running her hands

Through his hair

That he wasn’t the first

Of the day for her

Was neither here

Nor there

4

Still Fucking Miserable

It’s about time

You reared

Your ugly head

I was panicked

Fearing

The worst

And yet soon

You’ll be wishing

I was still missing

As there’s no

Let-up

To my verse

8

Cheap Rent

Fancy coming up

He said

For a night

Of unbridled bliss?

I shouldn’t think so pal

She said

After all,

I’ve heard you piss!

Are you some kind of freak

He said

When someone pees

You listen in?

It honestly can’t be helped

She said

These walls

Are paper thin!

27

Finding The Time

Ah, you’re still here

He said

So you’ve not popped

Your clogs yet?

It’s not for a lack of trying

She said

But the chance

Has been murder to get

2

From The Gallows

I remember,

Once,

He asked me

How I cope

With all these trials

I just use the darkest

Of humours,

I said,

Along with

The wryest of smiles

0

The Heat Of The Moment

I never said 

You weren’t thoughtful

Not conscientious or kind 

It’s just that when I said 

I wish you were dead 

I had other things

On my mind 

3

“That Plastering Needs Done”

If I was a little more forward

And not just so uptight

Then I’d stop being so awkward

And sleep with you tonight

But as it is I’m a coward

With no confidence at all

So the only thing I’ll see tonight

Are the cracks in my bedroom wall

0

Ann’s Summer

As she eyed it up

She wondered 

If she could connect 

With such a machine

You should put that back

Advised her friend 

As you don’t know 

Where it’s been

(Inspired by a writing prompt offered by Michael at https://afterwards.blog)

0

Resting Witch Face

I don’t need

To don a costume

Or paint my face

With vampiric

Ghoulishness

I’ve already spent

The year

As the epitome

Of drear

So there’s no need

For today’s foolishness

6

Shut Eye

To expect a nightly vision

She said

Seems a tad extreme

I barely get to sleep

She said

Let alone to fucking dream

0

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