Tag: intrusive thoughts

#12 The Worrier

Does it matter

If I do

Or don’t

Should it matter

If I will

Or won’t

Why can’t it be easy

To decide

Without strain

When will I stop

Churning it over

Again

#8 The Optimist

This is

A message

From your favourite

Depressive

To say all

Is well with me

Here’s hoping

It lasts

That those days

Have passed

And I don’t drive

Into a tree

Another Wasted Day

It’s four twenty five in the afternoon and I’m still lying in bed.

Trying, in vain, to sleep away the thoughts inside my head.

Perhaps I should get up and go out for a bracing walk instead.

It has to be better than staying in here and wishing I was dead.

(Originally Posted 22.06.2019)

Paranoia

It’s heartfelt
praise, but
I know
your ways.

How uncomfortable
you are
to see,
just how
miserable I
can be.

I’m sorry
I no
longer make
you smile.

For that
you’ll need
to wait
a while.

Until then,
just keep
telling me
I’ll make
it through.

And I’ll
keep on
whispering
fuck you.

(Originally Posted 10.05.2019)

Hold Tight

That roof is calling my name.

I know it is.

I can hear it.

Every day its voice gets louder and louder.

Every day I’m drawn closer and closer.

I went up there tonight.

Just to the edge.

Just to look.

I held on to the safety rail.

I cannot promise that tomorrow,

I won’t let go.

(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)

Disruption

For a moment
there I was
feeling good

Living my
life the way
I should

And then you
wander back
into my mind

And all sense
of peace is
left behind

I Surrender

It’s the
first
thought
I have

When
I
wake

A
desire
so
dark

My heart
starts
to
shake

As the
hour of my
certain
end draws
near

Will today
be the
day I
release
my fear?

Moods

Ups and downs,

Peaks and troughs,

But the darkness?

That never stops…

Let

I let
myself
down
today

When I
let you
inside
my head

I wish I
could
just let
you go

And let
myself
enjoy life
instead

Sleep Is Futile

What’s the
point in
going to bed

With all
this shit
inside my head

It’s not
like I’ll be
allowed to rest

With this
sickness deep
inside my chest

Careless

Waking up to find that,
once again,
I’ve lost my mind
at some point
during the night…

I Already Know

I already
know I’m
a piece
of shit

I don’t
need you
to remind
me of it

I already
know I’m
a bitter
old crone

I don’t need
you pointing
out that I’ll
forever be alone

I already
know my
cuts are
too deep

I don’t
need you
to watch
them weep

I already
know that
I’m dead
inside

I don’t need
you telling me
there’s nowhere
left to hide

Monsters

They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.

One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.

Indecision

It's a long way to the bottom
from all the way up here.

As I stand and shiver 
I can't help but think...

What happens if I change my mind
halfway down?

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