Tag: loss

Help Me

I never used to be like this, she said,

I used to be brave.

What happened to you, he asked,

Why did you cave?

The world happened, she replied,

You wouldn’t understand.

Why don’t you try me, he implored,

As he reached for her hand.

9

Written In The Stars

When you
fall in
love with
complicated people

Be prepared
for it to
end in a
complicated way

And for you
to be left
searching for
an explanation

Forever

2

When Will It End?

Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.

Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.

When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?

0

Leftovers

A weary,
confused mind.

A hollow,
empty heart.

As bleak as it is,
it’s all I have.

As my life has
fallen apart.

0

At Her Majesty’s Pleasure

You were keen to kidnap my kindness
and you were happy when you hijacked my heart.

You smiled when you stole my soul
and you laughed when you looted my life.

So why is it me that has been sentenced to life in this prison?

While you’re walking around out there scot-free?

2

Incurable

Grief is like
an incurable
disease.

Taunting
your
thoughts.

Decimating
your
desire.

Liquidating
your
love.

6

At All

I reach
for your hand,
but it’s not there,
and further into
the abyss
I fall.

I search
for your face,
but no one cares,
and it’s like you
were never here
at all.

0

5am

Stomach lurching,
Bones aching,
Head pounding,
Heart breaking,

Waking up is never easy.

0

Missing

I miss
the conversations
we’ll never have.

I miss
the places
we’ll never go.

I miss
the love
we’ll never make.

I miss
the memories
we’ll never share

2

The Corner of My Eye

I thought I saw you today.

Twice.

The first, when you were waiting to cross the road.

The second, when you were ahead of me in the queue at the post office.

It was only when you turned around, and I saw your face, that I realised it wasn’t you.

And I remembered, with a desperate ache, why it could never be you.

And I cried again today.

Twice.

6

I Love You

If I met you again,
For the first time,
I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’d do it all again,
Exactly the same,
Taking you under my wing.

But I should have,
if I could have,
told you that
I loved you
more.

Perhaps then
my life now
wouldn’t be
so difficult
to endure.

0

The Reverse

I’ve never felt happiness,
I don’t know what it is.

I’ve never seen happiness
But I’m sure that it’s not this.

0

Commitment

You were
always so
terrified
that I
would leave.

When,
after all
was said
and done,
I was the
only one
who stayed.

2

Round the Bend

Does it make me crazy,
if I turn and talk to you anyway?

Does it make me insane,
if I see you when you’re not there?

Does it make me nuts,
if I know you’re always with me?

Does it make me mad,
if I still care?

0

You Know Nothing

I do not want your pity.

Your sympathy is of no use.

I care nothing for your tears,

as your grief is just an excuse.

0

The Act

I can act like I’m happy,

I can act like I’m there.

I can act like I’m over it,

I can act like I care.

But it’s all to avoid having to admit,

That I’m just really fucking scared of life.

Without you.

0

Their Big Day

What am I supposed to say?

What am I supposed to do?

Everyone is happy, today.

But my heart is broken here,

without you.

Xxx

0

Wedding Bells

Who knows
what will happen
when I get there.

Who knows
what will happen
along the way.

What I do know
is that you
won’t be there.

And my tears
will fall
all day.

0

Myself

Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?

Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?

Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?

Why?

0

The Past

Some days
it’s easy
to remember
you

Some days
it’s hard
to forget
you

Some days
I don’t want
to remember
you

Some days
I never want
to forget
you

0

Please

If this is all there is,

then who are you

to tell me no?

You have no idea,

how hard this is

so please, just let me go.

2

A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

0

Conversations with Idiots

‘It’s better
to have
loved and lost
than never to
have loved
at all’

‘You really
should just
shut your mouth
as, honestly,
you know
fuck all’

0

One Of These Days

One day
you’ll tell me
and I
will run away.

One day
you’ll tell me
and I’ll
beg to stay.

One day
you’ll tell me
and my
tears will sting.

One day
you’ll tell me
and my
heart will sing.

0

Cruelty

In a perfect world,

There is someone for everyone.

You meet each other.

You fall in love.

And you stay together,

Forever.

Ours, however, is a cruel world.

There is someone for everyone,

But you might never meet them.

You might never fall in love.

And you might not stay together,

Forever.

Because they might die,

Before you do.

Then, you’re fucked.

0

Mine

I don’t want to ‘talk’ about it.

I don’t want to ‘express’ it.

I don’t want to ‘let it out’.

I want to keep this part for me.

A part that’s private.

A part that’s mine and mine alone.

As it should be.

I didn’t share my love and I refuse to share my grief.

So just piss off, the lot of you.

0

The Silent Killer

I’m just sitting here,

Waiting it out,

Biding my time.

Soon,

The axe will fall.

And it’ll all be over.

Thankfully.

0

Promises

I promise myself
never again
every time
and every time
I believe it.

But the truth is
forgetting you is
a promise
I am powerless
to keep.

0

Bank Holidays

Days off
are always
difficult.

There’s
so much more
time to fill,
without you.

So many
memories
of what we
used to do.

I’d rather
be at
work.

At least
there, I
get paid
to be
miserable.

0

All Surface, No Meaning

When you died,
My world stopped turning.

When you took your last breath,
My life became meaningless.

As the ongoing battle towards my own death continues,
I’m numb to everything and everyone.

I trudge along…

Feigning my interest,
Forging my desire,
Faking my love.

8

NFA

If home
is where
the heart is,
then I’m
currently
of no
fixed abode.

0

How Much

It’s unmanageable, how much I grieve for you.

It’s uncomfortable, how much I can’t move on.

It’s unsettling, how much I hate you for leaving me.

It’s undignified, how much I cry for you.

It’s unbearable, how much I still love you.

0

Conflict

I laughed today.
Hard.
Tears ran down my face,
Dizziness overtook me as my muscles ached from the strain,
And I thought I’d never breathe deeply again.

I cried today.
Hard.
Tears ran down my face,
Dizziness overtook me as my muscles ached from the strain,
And I thought I’d never breathe deeply again.

As I soldier on,
as best I can,
the simultaneous existence
of conflicting emotions,
slowly kills me.

0

Out

The days march on,
But I trail behind.
Out of step,
Out of place,
Out of time.
0

Drowning

The girl in the river,

She never thought she would be.

The girl in the river,

She didn’t want you to see.

The girl in the river,

She just wanted to be free.

The girl in the river,

She is me.

0

Ghosts

The ghosts that haunt my every day

Will plague my future too

I do not know if I can stay

As I’m fucked here without you

0

Free Fall

I’ve always been troubled.

Born with a darkness at my core.

An ugliness seeping through every fibre of my being.

My body infected with an overall malaise.

I’ve learned, over the years, to hide the monster from most.

Although your death has left me in free fall,

The fact I hate myself and want to die is nothing new.

That’s how I know I can get through this.

And that I’ll be ok.

0

For Me

Something has to give,
For me to find a reason to live.

Something has to change,
For me to avoid the firing range.

Something good has to come,
For me to choose not to succumb.

Something better has to start,
For me to stop tearing myself apart.

Some other story must be told,
For me to finally come in out of the cold.

0

Mornings

Mornings are the worst.

Trying to muster the energy to get up, get dressed and leave the house.

Trying to summon the confidence to get through yet another day without you.

To be honest, I’d rather not bother.

But I suppose I do have bills to pay.

And I do have to feed the cat.

0

Everything

I
still think
about you
everyday

You
are the one
I will never
forget

I
am the one
you have already
forgotten

0

School of Anatomy

He was everything to me for such a long time.

I loved him like I’ll never love anyone ever again.

But then he died.

Now he is your silent teacher.

And I’m so proud of him.

 

0

Alphabet Heart

Atrophied. Abandoned.
Bleak. Barren.
Crumpled. Cracked.
Dark. Dank.
Embittered. Enraged.
Failed. Forgotten.
Garotted. Gutted.
Hateful. Haunted.
Indignant. Idle.
Jagged. Jaded.
Knocked. Knotted.
Longing. Lost.
Maudlin. Morose.
Nightmarish. Numb.
Obstructed. Obliterated.
Paralysed. Prone.
Quiet. Queasy.
Rotten. Ravaged.
Stolen. Shattered.
Traumatised. Tainted.
Unloveable. Undone.
Violated. Vanquished.
Weeping. Wasted.
Xxx
Yearning. Yawning.
Zero.
0

If Only We’d Ended It Then…

I finally understand it.
I have realised the way things are.
I accept it.

I am not your woman.
You are not my man.
You are not mine to have.
I am not yours to hold.

We are friends.

This has always been clear.
You are unobtainable.
Out of my reach.

It's not that I don't care - 
I do.
It's not that I'm not jealous - I am.

But now I finally understand it.
Now I have realised the way things are.
Now I accept it.

And it's okay.
Really.

xxx
0

Solitude

You get used to it, you know.
Being on your own.
Plus, no one sees you cry.
Which helps.

0

Go

Maybe it would be for the best if I left
Just got the fuck out of here for good 

Let's face it, I could

I have no responsibilities
I have no commitments
I have nothing

And it's not like anyone wants me to stay anyway
0

Still Hear

I still hear your key rattle in the door,
I still hear your footsteps across the floor.
I still hear your rubbish music playing,
I still hear your awesome temper fraying.
I still hear you impart your innate wisdom,
I still hear you berate with fierce criticism.
I still hear you sing your daft wee songs,
I still hear the bubble of your endless bongs.
I still hear you chew too loudly when you eat,
I still hear the thump of your heart beat.
I still hear your laugh and your wry chuckle,
I still hear your beloved belt unbuckle.
I still hear your enticing voice roar,
I still hear your thunderous snore.
I still hear your exasperated sigh,
I still hear your exhausted cry.

I Wish You Were,
 Still Here.

0

Peregrines

I once said you were the most powerful man I knew

But you had to go and prove me wrong, didn't you?

xxx
0

Grief Vampire

Paltry, trite sentiment
Faux hurt and pain
Superficial, artificial compassion
Feigned sadness and tears

You've got no fucking idea how this really feels
Grief Vampire
Just piss off back to your crypt
And leave me in peace

0

My Heart

My heart is smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.

I don’t have the glue to put it back together.

And I lost the instruction manual years ago.

0

Who Goes First?

It’s better that I’m living without you

Rather than you living without me

You’d never cope with this pain

It has wrecked me

But it would have destroyed you

And I would have hated that

0

Mild Peril

I trace those old scars with my finger
I remember the fleeting pain
And the lasting relief

I never told anyone

I hope I'm not about to re-open old wounds

Literally
0

Passing Notes in Class 6GA

I think we should stop seeing each other.

I can’t stop thinking that something is going to go wrong and we are going to get found out. I feel so much guilt about what we’ve been doing – it’s not fair on her, you or me. It’s not right that we have to keep our relationship a secret. It means I cannot let you get close to me and you deserve more than that. You need someone who can show off what a brilliant guy you are. Not someone who has to hide you away. Like me.

I want you to know that the times we have shared have been really special to me. I’ve enjoyed every second I’ve spent with you and that’s what makes this so much harder. But it has to be done. Although it kills me to say it: we cannot carry on. I love you with all my heart but putting an end to this now will be the best thing for us both in the long run.

I’ll never forget our time together. I’ll treasure the memories of our clandestine meetings forever.

Please don’t forget me. I know I’ll never forget you.

I’m sorry.

0

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