Although you’re glad to have me back,

Eating those chips will give me a heart attack!

I can’t sit in front of the telly all day,

For I fear my brain will waste away.

I don’t want a pint at the Working Men’s Club –

How about we cycle to a gastropub?

I don’t remember Elsie from next door but two,

Even if you are convinced I do.

And I don’t want any more tea,

Unless it’s ceylon, roiboos or elderberry.

You see when I moved away,

I left all of this without a care.

And now when I’m forced to come back here,

I am embarrassed beyond compare.