Tag: Numb

What Do You Do?

What do you do

When you want to be touched

But you don’t really like

People very much

What do you do

When you want romance

But you’re in no way inclined

To give anyone a chance

Well, here’s what I do

I just stay in bed

And spend all day feeling

I’d be better off dead

8

Piecemeal

As the punches roll

Time takes it’s toll

And I lose more

And more

Each day

I can’t be wrong

Thinking

It won’t be long

Before I fully

Fade away

0

For Clarity

I know

That we

Have

Hardly

Spoken

But my

Insides

Are now

Broken

And what

Is left

Merely

A token

Of the

Woman

I used to be

2

A Swinging Brick

As I sit here

Alone again

Staring

At the wall

I know it’s not

That I don’t

Feel love

It’s that I

Don’t feel

At all

7

Trivial

I just can’t seem

To complete a task

However big,

Or small

I guess what once meant

Everything to me

Now means nothing

At all

2

I Won’t Be Back

Although

We’ve spent

The night

Together

We’ll forever be

Apart

For your body

May well

Have given

Me pleasure

But you’ll

Never have

My heart

2

The Shield

It doesn’t matter

What you say

Because however much

You try

Nothing will ever

Hurt me now

As I am dead

Inside

0

Wednesdays Aren’t Much Better

I eat

I drink

I sleep

I breathe

But with

Very little else

Inbetween

I Fucking Hate Tuesdays

Trudging through this half a life

Really just subsisting

Knowing I’d be

Better off dead

Than merely just existing

(Originally Posted 22.02.2022)

0

Poorly Made

It’s not that I have

A heart of stone

I just don’t have one

At all…

The Driest Of Wells

Sometimes I wish

That I cared

About everything

You said

But as I have

Already declared

I’ve no tears left

To shed

(Originally Posted 09.02.2021)

8

Blunted

This new one

Is my favourite

Of all those pills

And potions

As it leaves me feeling

Numb inside

And just going

Through the motions

Regime #7

These
pills
have
stopped
working

They
are now
simply
a token

As
they
don’t
take away
the hurting

From a
heart
that’s
truly
broken

(Originally Posted 23.12.2019)

2

An Official Declaration

I guess I don’t feel

Like this anymore

But in that I can take no pride

As the only reason

I feel any different

Is because I’m now dead inside

What’s The Point?

It
feels
like
I will
never
laugh
again

As my
life
is so
full of
sorrow
and pain

Like
I will
no
longer
be able
to smile

And
that
nothing
I do will
ever be
worthwhile

(Originally Posted 01.11.2019)

8

Lowering Expectations

I’ve felt this way

For some time now

And yet I still plod on

Perhaps this is just

My normal now

And it’s hoping for more that’s wrong

Zestless

Finally
dropping
into
bed

Knowing
I couldn’t
have done
any more

There is
no point
in setting
an alarm

As
there’s
nothing
to wake
up for

(Originally Posted 24.10.2020)

4

It’s Different Now

Though it took a while

For me to smile

Still, it is artificial

Any feeling of mirth

For what it’s worth

Is purely superficial

Emotional Flux

The guilt
I feel
when
I smile

Consumes
my day
and night

Perhaps I
should
just wait
a while

Before
thinking
it’s alright

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

0

A Real Shitty Year

I probably did write this

On a Tuesday

Fuelled by coffee

And nicotine

But in truth

This could’ve been posted

On any given day

Back in twenty nineteen

Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of any improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal

Before I decide to end it all for real

(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)

2

Autopilot

Grief doesn’t come with a manual

And neither, you’ll find, does life

So you just have to go on

Now they’re gone

And hope that you stay alive

NUMB

I
didn’t
think

It
would
be
like
this

Whatever
this
is

(Originally Posted 17.09.2019)

4

Q&A (cont)

Then you asked

If I got it back

Never

I replied

That was the day

When it all

Went black

And I was forever

Left dead inside

Q&A

You ask

What

I left

Behind

Nothing

I answer

Just

My mind

(Originally Posted 24.08.2020)

0

In The Aftermath

I don’t
know
what you
expected

You knew
something
inside me
had changed

It wasn’t
just your
advances
I rejected

It was
from
everyone
I abstained

Robotic

Take
that
look
off
your
face

You
can
hardly
be
surprised

You
know
my heart
cannot
race

And
I’m
dead
behind
the
eyes

(Originally Posted 04.08.2020)

3

Good Weekend?

So as

The tide

At work

To stem

Now I don’t

Even bother

Talking

To them

The Office

Momentory conversations

With temporary people

Sharing fleeting emotions

Providing non-permanent relief

(Originally Posted 09.07.2019)

9

Lacklustre

Let’s go have some fun

He said

Eat, drink and be merry

That’s nowhere near enough

She said

To persuade me to bite the cherry

One Week On

What
exactly
am I
missing
out on?

Go on
then
please,
explain

It’s
your last
chance to
convince me

To
leave
the
house
again

(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)

0

‘You Gave Me A Mountain’

I think that when

I wrote this one

I was trying

Not to be too mean

But believe you me

Nothing was easy

Back

In twenty nineteen

How Are You?

It’s easier to say I’m alright,

Rather then I’m anxious.

It’s easier to say I’m okay,

Rather than I’m outraged.

It’s easier to say I’m better,

Rather than I’m broken.

It’s easier to say I’m good,

Rather than I’m grieving.

It’s easier to say I’m well,

Rather than I’m wasted.

It’s easier to say I’m fine,

Rather than I’m fucked.

(Originally Posted 24.06.2019)

2

The Watershed

OK, perhaps not quite meaningless

But certainly everything changed

And though life now may be

Somewhat better for me

That numbness has definitely remained

All Surface, No Meaning

When you died,
My world stopped turning.

When you took your last breath,
My life became meaningless.

As the ongoing battle towards my own death continues,
I’m numb to everything and everyone.

I trudge along…

Feigning my interest,
Forging my desire,
Faking my love.

(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)

13

Next (2)

Time stands still

As I lose the will

To say another word

Now I know the drill

I’ll take another pill

And accept I’ll go unheard

11

Namesake

Well that’s me back

In the doldrums again

Months of progress

Down the drain

I can no longer be bothered

With any motivation to find

For it’s clear now nothing will fix

This fragile mind of mine

23

Solo

Time flies

When you’re having fun

That’s why it’s still midnight

As I’m having none

16

Robotic

Take
that
look
off
your
face

You
can
hardly
be
surprised

You
know
my heart
cannot
race

And
I’m
dead
behind
the
eyes

24

No Sharps Please

The
cut
on
my
wrist

Has
now
healed

As
I was
told
not
to
pick
it

The
delicate
skin

Is
now
sealed

So
I’ll
try
not
to
nick
it

Again

15

Pros & Cons

Whatever
it is you
want
from me

I just
don’t
have it
to give

As I’m
focusing
all of my
attention

On
finding
reasons
to live

1

Legless

Play that song
one more time

She
said

And pour me
another drink

I want to
feel something

She
said

And I don’t want
to have to think

4

Down

I can’t
do anything
any more

All I do
is sit
and stare

Questioning
myself all
the time

Moaning
how life
isn’t fair

In truth
I actually
bore myself

So fuck
knows why
you care

10

Killing Time

Why do I
find the
wait so
hard?

Is it
ego?

Is it
pride?

Or is it
because
I need you
to prove

That I’m not
completely
dead
inside?

2

Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns.

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

0

The Office

Momentory conversations

With temporary people

Sharing fleeting emotions

Providing non-permanent relief

0

For Me

Something has to give,
For me to find a reason to live.

Something has to change,
For me to avoid the firing range.

Something good has to come,
For me to choose not to succumb.

Something better has to start,
For me to stop tearing myself apart.

Some other story must be told,
For me to finally come in out of the cold.

0

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