"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
There was nothing else
That I could do
Nothing else
That I could say
Other than
To remind them all
That it’s just
Another day
Brutal Honesty
I wish
I could
take
Your
pain
away
Tell
you
everything
Will
be
okay
But
I know
the truth
It
doesn’t
get
better
When
what
you had
Is lost
forever
(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)
This new one
Is my favourite
Of all those pills
And potions
As it leaves me feeling
Numb inside
And just going
Through the motions
Regime #7
These
pills
have
stopped
working
They
are now
simply
a token
As
they
don’t
take away
the hurting
From a
heart
that’s
truly
broken
(Originally Posted 23.12.2019)
The worst is in the office
With the radio on
And no-one bats an eyelid
When they play our favourite song
Xxx
Name That Tune
People play
those songs
With no notion
of this pain
No idea that
when I hear them
My heart bleeds
for you again
(Originally Posted 18.12.2019)
It started off
Innocently enough
But the problem was
It worked
The desire then grew
And deep down I knew
How I’d forever quench
My thirst
‘Slash & Burn’
Skin somewhat healing
And yet I’m still reeling
As my heart slowly withers
Is there a more appealing
Way to cope with this feeling
Other than with a pair of scissors?
(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)
Reading this one back again
I feel so sorry for her
Clearly she lost more,
When he died,
Than her words could ever infer
I Can’t Bring You Back Though, Can I?
I can look at your photo
I can whisper your name
I can press your shirt
Against my face
But nothing feels the same
(Originally Posted 11.12.2020)
It’s like saying hello
To your oldest friend
But seeing them is conflicting
You enjoy the sting
Of the comfort they bring
But not of the wounds you’re inflicting
Scabs
Picking at these circles
All itchy, bloody and raw
Wondering why
The fuck am I
Doing this shit again for
(Originally Posted 24.11.2020)
You may well have been dead
Nearly four years to the day
Yet you still have the power
To take my breath away
Xxx
A Different Coat
I cried for
hours this
morning
I found your
notebook in
my pocket
Now I’ve
started to
read it
I don’t
know how
to stop it
(Originally Posted 19.11.2019)
Three years on
And here I am
Having been kept waiting
With my life on hold
My heart stone cold
And my tears still accumulating
Tell Me
Do
these
tears
ever
stop?
(Originally Posted 28.10.2019)
I must be one of those people
Who really gets off on pain
As since he died
On this song I’ve imbibed
Again and again and again
Masochism
Every time
I hear
this song
It brings
tears to
my eyes
And pain
to my
heart
A reminder of
all I’ve come
to despise
And how
we’ll forever
be apart
I should
just press
stop
Switch
off the
laptop
And
walk
away…
(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)
‘All my tears have been used up
On another love….’
It started out quite innocently
When I was just a kid
I used to pull my hair out
To stop me flipping my lid
But then as I grew older
Things took a darker turn
A wee nick here
A wee cut there
Sometimes even a burn
It’s not something I’m proud of
Or something anyone should aspire to do
But I can’t deny
That down the line
It’s those things that got me through
Thoughts #4
Sliced wide open again
For all the world to see
If only there was
Another way
To let the poison free
(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)
It’s been nearly three weeks now
That I’ve been off the booze
Choosing to cope instead
With the pain in my head
By getting some new tattoos
Therapy?
No
matter
what
the
guidelines
say
Or
how
many
braincells
may be
lost
I’ll
slay
my
dragons
my way,
thanks
And
live
with
whatever
the
cost
(Originally Posted 05.10.2020)
Three years on
And although further forward
By the pain of his death
I am still tortured
At A Bedside, Desolate
There
is no
more
hope.
There
are no
more
dreams.
My life
continues
to fall apart
at the seams,
As I
lie here
thinking
of you.
And
wondering
what the fuck
I’m supposed
to do,
Now.
(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)
When feelings
Are so intrinsic
Language
Is best kept simplistic
Random #19
It
just
fucking
hurts
(Originally Posted 14.09.2019)
There are other ways
To deal with pain
Instead of creating your own,
Again
Scissors
It’s time
to put you
back in
your box
To fasten
the lid
and change
the locks
I cannot
continue
down this
path
For if I
do there
is no way
back
(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)
‘Late at night I can hear your voices
Talking shit about all my choices
You would think you’ve known me forever
Just because you know my name…’
You can work through your issues
Until they’re no longer discernable
But it’s important to remember
Not all the results are reversible
The Sting
If
I had
never
gone
down
this
path
It
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath
(Originally Posted 19.08.2020)
I’m not quite sure
If this needs any more
As my request is perfectly clear
Sometimes my implication
Requires no explanation
Just as is the case here
Submission
Ah well
What the heck
Put your hand
Around my neck
And squeeze
(Originally Posted 20.07.2020)
It’s a word I use a lot
‘Abyss’
Reading back now
I have noticed
I hadn’t quite realised
How numb
I’d become
Or how dissociated I was
When I wrote this
Dwelling
Pain helps, momentarily.
It provides a fleeting relief.
Then the numbness returns
And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.
(Originally Posted 12.07.2019)
The ultimate head fuck
For an obsessive planner like me
Is the loss of his soul
Was outwith my control
And something I did not forsee
(In)Competent
Out
of
all
the
things
I
can
say
or
do
What
hurts
me
the
most
Is
that
I couldn’t
save
you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)
Let’s go have some fun
He said
Eat, drink and be merry
That’s nowhere near enough
She said
To persuade me to bite the cherry
One Week On
What
exactly
am I
missing
out on?
Go on
then
please,
explain
It’s
your last
chance to
convince me
To
leave
the
house
again
(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)
I had forgotten
Ever writing this
But reading it now
It’s so clear to see
Why the overwhelming trauma
I endured that morning
Will never leave
My memory
Sigh
Sorry
it must
end
this way
She
said
But
I need
to let
you go
Please
don’t
forget
what we
had
He
said
Or
how
I loved
you
so
(Originally Posted 07.07.2020)
Cuts that were made
Long ago
Given time do
Eventually heal
But their scars
Will remain
To remind you
Of the pain
You couldn’t reveal
No Sharps Please
The
cut
on
my
wrist
Has
now
healed
As
I was
told
not
to
pick
it
The
delicate
skin
Is
now
sealed
So
I will
try
not
to
nick
it
Again
(Originally Posted 02.07.2020)
You were all I had
When he died
And I didn’t know how to cope
I was driven mad
Each time I cried
And you were my only hope
‘The Boy’s No Good… ‘
As
I sit
and
listen
To each
word you
say
All
of my
pain
Simply
ebbs
away
(Originally Posted 06.06.2020)
I had a lot of fun that day
And I looked beautiful too
Yet on the hour, every hour
I cried alone in the loo
Wedding Bells
Who knows
what will happen
when I get there.
Who knows
what will happen
along the way.
What I do know
is that you
won’t be there.
And my tears
will fall
all day.
(Originally Posted 21.05.2019)
As my cuts bleed
I beg and plead
That this pain
Will be my last
Internal Bleeding
Words
can’t
explain
This
eternal
ache
It
hurts
so much
When
I’m
awake
(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)
“You’d be surprised what lengths people will go to not to face what’s real and painful inside them.”
– Kester Gill
Why do we bother to love
She said
When it really is
So cruel
I’ve got no idea
He said
It’s not me who makes the rules
Savages
So now
you’re
leaving
me too
Now
you have
broken
my heart?
Well
fuck off
back to
her then
I’ll
soon
tear you
apart
(Originally Posted 01.04.2020)
It still fucking hurts
Lies
It gets better with time
(Originally Posted 17.03.2020)
There is nothing
Left to do
There isn’t anything
Else to say
I just really
Fucking miss him
Every single day
Xxx
‘I feel the pain of everyone
Then I feel nothing…’
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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