There’s nobody to wake me
Or offer me a drink
No one here to greet me
Or ask me what I think
I always thought I’d be happy
If I was on my own
But I’d never considered
How I’d become so withered
From the silence of being alone
Just Watching TV
I don’t really know
What happened
I’m not sure
Why I cried
Something
Just reminded me
Of how I felt
The day he died
You were amazing
With me
Your words
So soft and kind
Your touch
Helping to soothe me
Drying the tears
From my eyes
I know
That I struggled
To tell you
At the time
Just how much
I loved him
And truly miss
That man of mine
Yet what I’m sorry
I couldn’t say
But really
Wanted to
Is how happy
I know he’d be
To see
That I’ve found you
Bearing A Torch
As I run down
This darkened road
My heart beats fast
Ready to explode
Just thinking
Of what lies ahead
Little do I know
As I follow the flame
It’ll turn out to be
Such a shame
As you’ve walked
The other way, instead
Underneath It All
And when
I decide
To end it
Know there was nothing
You could’ve done
I just never, ever
Felt happy
I didn’t know how
To have fun
“Burn my body. Let the ashes blow. I am free.”
– Tommy Shelby
No Rest
Somewhere between
Life and death
I wake to draw
Another breath
False Representation
Don’t you dare
Cry for me
I don’t deserve
Your tears
I’d left him behind
In my mind
Way before
He disappeared
A Fate Worse Than Death
I will always say
That I’m doing well
And that nothing
Could ever annoy me
Because if I didn’t
That look
On your face
Would absolutely destroy me
The Silent Treatment
Please,
Just give me something
Even if
It’s only one word
I don’t need
Your comfort
But just to know
That I’ve been heard
Un Merveilleux Malheur
I don’t think
I’ve missed you
More than I have
Today
There was nothing
I could do
To help push
These feelings away
And even though
It is now
Nearly twenty six years old
I have realised
My love for you
Will simply
Never grow cold
Xxx
Keeping It Secret
Of course
It’s sad
Don’t
We know it
But they’re just
Not ready
For us
To show it
A Temporary Salve
It all
Felt better
For a while
You made
Me laugh
You made
Me smile
But now
It’s over
And
You’re gone
So again,
I’m left
All alone
Yet Another New Year
Although
Most days
Are no longer
That hard
Grief still
Finds a way
Of catching me
Off guard
Xxx
In Every Lifetime
With all those years
That we were blessed
If you asked again
I’d still say yes
Xxx
“Coping By Not Having To Cope”
When he died
And you’d nothing left
How did you deal
With the emptiness?
I filled it up
With pills and gin
In the vainest of hopes
I could forget him
And did you find
That it worked
They helped wash away
The pain and hurt
Some days did feel
Like less of a chore
But, in the end, the grief
Got too big to ignore
Ignoring The Red Flags
Back
In the beginning
There was
So much
To adore
And yet
I still ended
Up crying
On the bathroom
Floor
Moving
I remember the day
We got the keys
Thinking the rest
Would be a breeze
But now I sit and rot
All alone
In what should have been
Our forever home
A Knife’s Edge
It rears it’s head
This time of year
The feeling of wishing
That I wasn’t here
I’ll try to push through
As best as I can
But I’d be lying to say
It wasn’t still a plan
The Gradual Loss
It seems
The inevitable
Has happened
And I have finally
Gone mad
As I’m starting
To forget
The good things
Instead
Of just the bad
Those Left Behind
I’m relieved to read
Your memories
Have now started
To blend
As heaven knows
With enough guilt
I already
Must contend
Just A Glimpse
When I saw him
Again today
All of that pain
Was washed away
Until I realised
It wasn’t him
And my heart, once more,
Cracked
From within
A Shot In The Dark
Do you think
We connected
Because we’re
Both damaged
Inside
That,
Perhaps,
We only found
Each other
As we had
Nowhere left
To hide
Dragging It Out
Another hour
Another day
Wishing I didn’t
Feel this way
Another second
Another minute
Life sure is shit
Without you in it
Xxx
“The Nights Are So Unkind”
I always knew
He’d break my heart
And in the end
He did
Not because
He’d never wed
But since I’m here
And he is dead
Easy Target
Cowering
Here
Pride
On the floor
Crippling
Fear
You’ll be back
For more
Staying Power
I understand
It takes time
For wounds
Like these
To heal
But I got bored
Of myself
Years ago
So fuck knows
How you feel
You Were Warned
If only you
Could feel my pain
You’d never speak
To him again
Without A Fuss
Don’t you want to get better?
No, she politely replied
I think folks would be happier
If I just quietly died
Starting Over
A heart
Dejected
Words
Neglected
People
Rejected
Yet challenge
Accepted
What Do You Do?
What do you do
When you want to be touched
But you don’t really like
People very much
What do you do
When you want romance
But you’re in no way inclined
To give anyone a chance
Well, here’s what I do
I just stay in bed
And spend all day feeling
I’d be better off dead
“Regrets And Impossible Longings”
All that time
Now gone
To waste
Next time
I'll tell you
With infinite haste
Absence
I guess you could say
I’ve been in mourning
With no desire to see
Yet another day dawning
And despite me trying
To relieve this burden
It would only be lying
To say my future is certain
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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