Self Esteem

There’s
nothing
more
disheartening

That
brings
such
misery
and
strife

To
find
I’m
much
more
captivating

On
the
page

Than
in
real
life

Damaged Goods

It
really
isn’t
you,
it’s
me

You
deserve
to be
happy

But
you
won’t
get to
share

In
anything
with
me

But
sadness,
heartache
and
despair

And
untold
misery

GameFace

All I do is let
people down

They want
me to smile

But I can
only frown

For I no longer
have the energy

To be the person
they want me to be

Self Loathing

I wish
I could
see in
myself,

She
said,

What you’ve
seen since
our affair
began.

For that
you’d need
to love
yourself,

He
said,

And I
don’t
think
you can.

In My Eyes

No one
sees
me as
anything
more

Than a
sad and
lonely
depressed
old bore

A pathetic
waste of
space for
sure

Just
another
nuisance
to ignore

Killing Time

Why do I
find the
wait so
hard?

Is it
ego?

Is it
pride?

Or is it
because
I need you
to prove

That I’m not
completely
dead
inside?

Temple Bar

The hordes gather outside your hotel window.

Laughing,

Joking,

Having fun.

You wish you had the guts to be more like them.

Prettier,

Funnier,

More confident.

Instead you’re sitting in here alone with the curtains drawn.

With nothing but your ‘I Hate People’ badge for company.

Two Faced

You will never beat me,

So please don’t even try.

I could chose to hurt you,

To really make you cry.

But I’m the better person,

Of that I have no doubt.

So just carry on with your bullshit,

Because you’ll never drive me out.

Myself

Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?

Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?

Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?

Why?

He Said / She Said

One day
You might be somebody’s something
He said

But today
I am nobody’s nothing
She said

One day
Somebody might love you
He said

But today
Nobody does
She said

The Mirror

Hair crunchy like straw
Brain burst with chaos
Eyes darkened shadows
Arteries slick with grease
Lips rough as sandpaper
Cheeks stained with tears
Skin cracked and weeping
Forearms heavily scarred
Liver soaked with alcohol
Heart cold as granite

I hate looking in the mirror
For I do not like what I see
I shall stop looking in the mirror
For I do not like me

Free Fall

I’ve always been troubled.

Born with a darkness at my core.

An ugliness seeping through every fibre of my being.

My body infected with an overall malaise.

I’ve learned, over the years, to hide the monster from most.

Although your death has left me in free fall,

The fact I hate myself and want to die is nothing new.

That’s how I know I can get through this.

And that I’ll be ok.

Travel

It doesn’t matter where in the world you go.

How beautiful the country you visit,

How fascinating the people you meet,

How much booze you drink.

You can’t run away from your thoughts.

You might have a different view from your window but your soul will remain as black as the night sky and, beneath it all, you’ll still be the same fuck up you always were.

Travel solves nothing.