Perhaps
I’ve
just
run out
of luck
Or
maybe
I don’t
give a
fuck
Either
way
it
doesn’t
matter
I must
accept
I’m
getting
fatter
Self Esteem
There’s
nothing
more
disheartening
That
brings
such
misery
and
strife
To
find
I’m
much
more
captivating
On
the
page
Than
in
real
life
‘You Make It Easy’
It’s
not
really
you I
loveIt’s
that
when
I am
with
youYou
make
it
easy
to
believeThe
lies
I tell
myself
are
true
Damaged Goods
It
really
isn’t
you,
it’s
me
You
deserve
to be
happy
But
you
won’t
get to
share
In
anything
with
me
But
sadness,
heartache
and
despair
And
untold
misery
My Own Nemesis
Only
I
can
winOr
I
can
loseAnd
I will
do
eitherIn
whatever
way I
choose
‘How Soon Is Now?’
All
I
do
Is sit
and
wait
My
wretched
mind
Spilling
its
hate
My
decrepit
body
Heaving
its
last
A
bloated
reminder
Of good
times
past
Past Love(r)s
I buried
you a
long time
agoAlong
with
my self
esteem
Never Ending
My
heart
is soreFrom
searching
for moreForever
rotten to
the core
GameFace
All I do is let
people downThey want
me to smileBut I can
only frownFor I no longer
have the energyTo be the person
they want me to be
Self Loathing
I wish
I could
see in
myself,She
said,What you’ve
seen since
our affair
began.For that
you’d need
to love
yourself,He
said,And I
don’t
think
you can.
Inbuilt Traits
The
black
sheepThe
ice
queenBoth
these
thingsI’ve
always
been
In My Eyes
No one
sees
me as
anything
moreThan a
sad and
lonely
depressed
old boreA pathetic
waste of
space for
sureJust
another
nuisance
to ignore
Killing Time
Why do I
find the
wait so
hard?Is it
ego?Is it
pride?Or is it
because
I need you
to proveThat I’m not
completely
dead
inside?
Temple Bar
The hordes gather outside your hotel window.
Laughing,
Joking,
Having fun.
You wish you had the guts to be more like them.
Prettier,
Funnier,
More confident.
Instead you’re sitting in here alone with the curtains drawn.
With nothing but your ‘I Hate People’ badge for company.
Two Faced
You will never beat me,
So please don’t even try.
I could chose to hurt you,
To really make you cry.
But I’m the better person,
Of that I have no doubt.
So just carry on with your bullshit,
Because you’ll never drive me out.
Myself
Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?Why?
He Said / She Said
One day
You might be somebody’s something
He said
But today
I am nobody’s nothing
She said
One day
Somebody might love you
He said
But today
Nobody does
She said
‘The Story of My Life…’
Notice Me!
Notice Me!
(Please, don’t look at me)
Notice Me!
Notice Me!
(Please, don’t look at me)
Notice Me!
Notice Me!
(Please, don’t look at me)
The Mirror
Hair crunchy like straw
Brain burst with chaos
Eyes darkened shadows
Arteries slick with grease
Lips rough as sandpaper
Cheeks stained with tears
Skin cracked and weeping
Forearms heavily scarred
Liver soaked with alcohol
Heart cold as granite
I hate looking in the mirror
For I do not like what I see
I shall stop looking in the mirror
For I do not like me
Free Fall
I’ve always been troubled.
Born with a darkness at my core.
An ugliness seeping through every fibre of my being.
My body infected with an overall malaise.
I’ve learned, over the years, to hide the monster from most.
Although your death has left me in free fall,
The fact I hate myself and want to die is nothing new.
That’s how I know I can get through this.
And that I’ll be ok.
Travel
It doesn’t matter where in the world you go.
How beautiful the country you visit,
How fascinating the people you meet,
How much booze you drink.
You can’t run away from your thoughts.
You might have a different view from your window but your soul will remain as black as the night sky and, beneath it all, you’ll still be the same fuck up you always were.
Travel solves nothing.
