I’ve never loved myself
So I didn’t expect you to either
Thank you so much for trying,
However,
But I knew we’d achieve neither
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I’ve never loved myself
So I didn’t expect you to either
Thank you so much for trying,
However,
But I knew we’d achieve neither
You will never beat me,
So please don’t even try.
I could choose to hurt you,
To really make you cry.
But I’m the better person,
Of that I have no doubt.
So just carry on with your bullshit,
Because you’ll never drive me out.
(Originally Posted 02.06.2019)
Hair crunchy like straw
Brain burst with chaos
Eyes darkened shadows
Arteries slick with grease
Lips rough as sandpaper
Cheeks stained with tears
Skin cracked and weeping
Forearms heavily scarred
Liver soaked with alcohol
Heart cold as granite
I hate looking in the mirror
For I do not like what I see
I shall stop looking in the mirror
For I do not like me
(Originally Posted 05.04.2019)
Different lives
Different choices
If only we had the confidence
To listen to those voices
I’m
pretty
good
at it
nowHiding
all
my
flawsThank
God
you
don’t
seeThe
real
meThe
one
that’s
such a
fraud
So I’ll walk away
And say cheerio
To the girl
I used to know
Perhaps
I’ve
just
run out
of luck
Or
maybe
I don’t
give a
fuck
Either
way
it
doesn’t
matter
I must
accept
I’m
getting
fatter
There’s
nothing
more
disheartening
That
brings
such
misery
and
strife
To
find
I’m
much
more
captivating
On
the
page
Than
in
real
life
It’s
not
really
you I
loveIt’s
that
when
I am
with
youYou
make
it
easy
to
believeThe
lies
I tell
myself
are
true
It
really
isn’t
you,
it’s
me
You
deserve
to be
happy
But
you
won’t
get to
share
In
anything
with
me
But
sadness,
heartache
and
despair
And
untold
misery
Only
I
can
winOr
I
can
loseAnd
I will
do
eitherIn
whatever
way I
choose
All
I
do
Is sit
and
wait
My
wretched
mind
Spilling
its
hate
My
decrepit
body
Heaving
its
last
A
bloated
reminder
Of good
times
past
I buried
you a
long time
agoAlong
with
my self
esteem
My
heart
is soreFrom
searching
for moreForever
rotten to
the core
All I do is let
people downThey want
me to smileBut I can
only frownFor I no longer
have the energyTo be the person
they want me to be
I wish
I could
see in
myself,She
said,What you’ve
seen since
our affair
began.For that
you’d need
to love
yourself,He
said,And I
don’t
think
you can.
The
black
sheepThe
ice
queenBoth
these
thingsI’ve
always
been
No one
sees
me as
anything
moreThan a
sad and
lonely
depressed
old boreA pathetic
waste of
space for
sureJust
another
nuisance
to ignore
Why do I
find the
wait so
hard?Is it
ego?Is it
pride?Or is it
because
I need you
to proveThat I’m not
completely
dead
inside?
The hordes gather outside your hotel window.
Laughing,
Joking,
Having fun.
You wish you had the guts to be more like them.
Prettier,
Funnier,
More confident.
Instead you’re sitting in here alone with the curtains drawn.
With nothing but your ‘I Hate People’ badge for company.
Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?Why?