Out Of My Hands

There wouldn’t be any problem

If I didn’t wake up tomorrow

At least I wouldn’t be in pain

Or suffocating in this sorrow

Ice

I suppose I should be happy the sun is shining again,

Feel a spring in my step at the lighter evenings,

Be comforted by the warmth on the back of my neck.

But I couldn’t give a shit.

It means nothing.

None of it melts the ice in my heart.

(Originally Posted 21.03.2019)

The Long Goodbye

I’ve never loved myself

So I didn’t expect you to either

Thank you so much for trying,

However,

But I knew we’d achieve neither

‘Blue Sign’

I was doing really well today you know.

I got out of bed at a reasonable time.
I sang to myself in the shower.
I put on different clothes.
I remembered to fed the cat.

I cleaned the bathroom.
I threw out the stale food from the fridge.
I washed the bed sheets.
I took the rubbish out.

I went for a swim.
I started listening to a new podcast.
I went shopping in the afternoon.
I even flirted with the man who served me.

And then I drove past the blue sign.
And the sky fell in.
And I remembered everything.
And my heart shattered all over again.


(Originally Posted 11.03.2019)

Invisible Injuries

Death leaves
scars on the
hearts of
the living.

Unstitchable
wounds
destined to
irritate those
forced to
bear them,
forever.

(Originally Posted 13.5.2019)

Hard/Harder

Falling asleep is hard 
Waking up is harder

Getting showered is hard
Putting on clothes is harder

Making breakfast is hard
Eating it is harder

Leaving the house is hard
Going home is harder

Crossing the road is hard
Looking both ways is harder

Listening to people is hard
Talking to people is harder

Smiling in general is hard
Laughing at jokes is harder

Living with you was hard
Living without you is harder

(Originally Posted 13.3.2019)

Recurring

The tears I cried

When you died

Will never fully dry

For with each day

Dawns a new array

Of pain I can’t deny

Xxx

The Pact

How very dare

You go up there

Without taking me

Don’t you care

Can’t you see

That’s where I’m

Supposed to be

Innards

Like a
bird

Trapped
in it’s
cage

I sing
of love
and
lament

Bleeding
introspective
rage

And
bitter
discontent

Afflicted

Wandered
around
again
today

With
an all
consuming
sigh

Not
knowing
how to
live

Yet
too
afraid
to die

Just A Child

It’s a
shame
you’ve
used him
as a
weapon

As a way
for your
feelings
of guilt
to lessen

But
it’s me,
you’ll
find,
that
he will
seek

When
he finally
understands
your
cruel
streak

Brutal Honesty

I wish
I could
take your
pain away

Tell
you that
everything
will be okay

But
I know
the truth

They
don’t
get
better

And
then
what
you had
is lost

Forever

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