Do you want to?
As I want
But to fade
As a way
will be okay
I really wish
that I could do more
Like pick you up
from the bathroom floor
Hug you when
your heart is breaking
And give you comfort
when your bones are aching
But for as much as
your pain to me is known
This is a journey
you must walk alone
this empty street
with my feet
I remember when
we used to meet
And my broken heart
skips a beat
me a love
Is too hard
ugly head again
let me go
end of us
the end of
I wander barefoot
in the rain
Trying to wash
away your stain
Now that I’m left
in eternal pain
I’d give anything
to laugh again
scars on the
on grey days.
land on my face
and mingle with
The rubber ring
But I have
to grab it.
in my pocket
You wish you could fix me,
But you can't.
I wish I would let you,
But I won't.
I suppose I should be happy the sun is shining again,
Feel a spring in my step at the lighter evenings,
Be comforted by the warmth on the back of my neck.
But I couldn’t give a shit.
It means nothing.
None of it melts the ice in my heart.
You get used to it, you know.
Being on your own.
Plus, no one sees you cry.
When does this pain end?
Have I not suffered enough?
Will things ever change?
Does time heal everything?
Am I done?
Do I care?
I still hear your key rattle in the door,
I still hear your footsteps across the floor.
I still hear your rubbish music playing,
I still hear your awesome temper fraying.
I still hear you impart your innate wisdom,
I still hear you berate with fierce criticism.
I still hear you sing your daft wee songs,
I still hear the bubble of your endless bongs.
I still hear you chew too loudly when you eat,
I still hear the thump of your heart beat.
I still hear your laugh and your wry chuckle,
I still hear your beloved belt unbuckle.
I still hear your enticing voice roar,
I still hear your thunderous snore.
I still hear your exasperated sigh,
I still hear your exhausted cry.
I Wish You Were,
I once said you were the most powerful man I knew
But you had to go and prove me wrong, didn't you?
I should stop driving late at night.
Especially on country roads.
It’s becoming far too tempting not to press the foot brake.
And I’m not afraid of the darkness…
Falling asleep is hard
Waking up is harder
Getting showered is hard
Putting on clothes is harder
Making breakfast is hard
Eating it is harder
Leaving the house is hard
Going home is harder
Crossing the road is hard
Looking both ways is harder
Listening to people is hard
Talking to people is harder
Smiling in general is hard
Laughing at jokes is harder
Living with you was hard
Living without you is harder
You said I was the only one who made you laugh.
You said I was the only one who made you cry.
You said I was the only one that made you feel safe.
You said I was the only one you could trust.
You said I was the only one who made you feel special.
You said I was the only one that mattered.
You said I was the only one who taught you patience.
You said I was the only one who taught you to be happy.
You said I was the only one who taught you to love.
Then you left.
And I was the only one who cried.
I was doing really well today you know.
I got out of bed at a reasonable time.
I sang to myself in the shower.
I put on different clothes.
I remembered to fed the cat.
I cleaned the bathroom.
I threw the stale food away from the fridge.
I washed the bed sheets.
I took the rubbish out.
I went for a swim.
I started listening to a new podcast.
I went shopping in the afternoon.
I even flirted with the man who served me.
And then I drove past the blue sign.
And the sky fell in.
And I remembered everything.
And my heart shattered all over again.
It is unbelievable to think that trip
was three hundred and sixty five days ago.
Just one anonymous face in a sea of many.
My twenty three year old dream realised.
There was no way to know then where I would be now.
Here, three hundred and sixty five days on, alone.
I would trade every second of that trip,
to have just one more minute,