A bond that was formed
Many years ago
A shared experience
Of misery and woe
And although we felt
Our ills in abundance
Still we emerged
Utterly triumphant
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
A bond that was formed
Many years ago
A shared experience
Of misery and woe
And although we felt
Our ills in abundance
Still we emerged
Utterly triumphant
When I first started
Posting here
I was struggling
To hold on
A deep sadness
Had engulfed me
And all
Of my hope
Was gone
My partner
Of nigh on
Twenty years
Had died
Just four months
Before
My heart
Was broken
And my life,
A token,
I was failing
To endure
Because, you see,
He'd been taken
From me
In the most horrific way
To witness
If you've never seen it
I can tell you,
With feeling,
Cancer's a cunt
Of an illness
So I began
To write again
As a way
To express
My emotions
Thinking,
At best,
I might get
Some rest
By recording
My rambling notions
I knew
From the start
Some readers
Would baulk
At the truths
That I'd lay bare
Suicidal thoughts
And self harm,
Of course,
All referenced
Without a care
But I had to be
Authentically me
And reflect
What I
Was feeling
Even though I knew
The words
I'd spew
May leave
More sensitive readers
Reeling
And yet here
I have found
Such a welcoming crowd
Who've helped me
Hugely
When times were tough
For their patience,
Kindness,
And understanding
I could never
Thank them
Enough
So if you find
From here on in
That I'm no longer posting
As often
Please know that you are,
In no small part,
The reason
I've started
To soften
And as for me
Well, I will see
If I can continue
To reduce
My pain
But I'll take
Some comfort
And feel
A little triumphant
Knowing,
At least,
I entertained
❤️
Nothing can ever take away
These songs that saved my life
But watching you now
Though you can still wow
That tie really is a crime!
‘Handsome Devil’
There
once
was a
light
That
shone
in my
life
But
now it’s
sadly
gone out
For
I have
since
found
Heroes
let
you
down
Of that
there
can be
doubt
(Originally Posted 16.10.2019)
“And so, I checked all the registered historical facts
And I was shocked into shame to discover
How I’m the 18th pale descendant
Of some old queen or other”
‘When you lay in awe
On the bedroom floor
And said Oh, oh, smother me Mother‘
‘Would you like to marry me?
And if you like you can buy the ring…‘
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.
I was happy just to see you.
Being in the same building as you again sent chills
down my spine and welled tears in my eyes.
I had recognised your presence and then let it go.
Like always.
But you took it further, this time.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.
I could not believe what was happening.
My foolish response - 'Wow, you know my name' -
swirling in the air around us,
choking me with its embarrassment.
You smiled your vacant smile.
You muttered something and walked away.
Words cannot describe how I felt.
You spoke to me without being forced.
You said my full name, without being told what it was.
You looked at me.
It made it all seem worthwhile.
The years of following you. The years of obsession.
You spoke to me.
I had to get another drink and light a cigarette.
So, I noticed, did you.
When you spoke to me that second time,
I don't think I was present.
I had seen you walking in my direction,
but I had ceased to exist.
You said 'I see you all the time at parties,
but I never get a chance to talk to you'.
I drowned in the ecstasy of your words,
and further still when you said 'See you soon'.
Those three words gave me so much hope.
Hope I never had before.
Not even after the notes...
For the rest of the night I watched you, watching me.
At least I pretended not to watch you,
pretending not to watch me.
But I was so happy. Elated in fact.
You had spoken to me without being forced.
You said my full name without being told what it was.
You looked at me.
When you left the room, and I watched you go,
you didn't just take your pretty little head with you.
You took a piece of me too.
A piece of me that will be with you always,
and lost to me...
Forever.
For MR
(Originally Posted 03/03/2019)
‘So drink, drink, drink and be ill tonight
From the one one you left behind…’
‘When you say it’s gonna happen now
Well when exactly do you mean?
See I’ve already waited too long
And all my hope is gone…’
All of
those
hoursSat in
your
roomBoth
of us
wallflowersBathed
in gloom
Still here
Still sore
Still hoping
For more
Some days
your hand
fits
perfectly
in mine
Our love
flows freely
and
sparkles
like wine
Some days
I can’t
bear
to hold
your hand
For reasons,
sadly,
you could
never
understand
You would come charging in on your white horse
Thinking you’re going to save the world, of course
But you’ve got nothing to offer underneath all of that armour
You don’t fool me, you know, you little charmer