Ghosts Of The Past

I think it’s unfair

To suggest

I use my childhood

As a shield

When, in fact,

It’s the way they act

That makes me

Unwilling

To yield

23/06/2025 0

Finding My Own Way

You can tell me ’til

You’re blue in the face

But there’s no way

That I’ll hear it

It may sound cliché

But for me to stay

You’ll just have

To let me feel it

30/04/2025 0

Afternoon Delights

“Oh, how I’ve missed this”

She said

Running her hands

Through his hair

That he wasn’t the first

Of the day for her

Was neither here

Nor there

17/04/2025 4

Anonymously Happy

Do you think

It helps

He said

Writing these wry

Little observations

Well, I would

Rather that

She said

Than suffer

Endless conversations

18/06/2024 2

And That’s Saying Something

You should get out

For a walk

He said

It’s great

For your mental health

I trust

Your poxy advice

She said

Even less

Than I trust myself

05/06/2024 2

Snakes & Ladders

I don’t think

You appreciate

How hard it is

To stay on track

When the only steps

Available

Are two forward

And three back

23/04/2024 4

The Boxing Day Swim

It’s funny how things turn out

She said

As she tugged on her costume straps

When I was here

Last year

She said

My mind had all but collapsed

I knew after I’d entered the water

She said

That there would be no doubt

As I had decided

Feeling like I did

Death was the only way out

But these last few months I have learned

She said

Through medication and therapy

Having survived that blip

A communal dip

Is now more than enough for me

26/12/2023 10

A Well Trodden Path

Tell me about yourself

He said

I’m here to listen

Not talk

There’s nothing left to say

She said

As every ware I’ve had

I’ve hawked

20/10/2023 0

Eyes Off The Ball

There’s only so much you can take
He said
Before you’ll break down for good

If you don’t think I’m screwed already
She said
Then you’ve clearly misunderstood

14/09/2023 10

Therapeutic Relationships

Life is better

He said

Than it was

Your progress

You can’t deny

That doesn’t mean

She said

I don’t still dream

Of stabbing you

In the eye

28/08/2023 9

Off The Rack

It took me a while

To realise it

However, it seems,

I’m built for this shit

19/08/2023 6

Cognito

Now that all

The talking’s done

And those strategies

Have been deployed

It is time to face

The reality

I’ve tried so hard

To avoid

15/08/2023 2

Lighter (Bonus Post)

Well thank fuck for that

She said

As she walked away

With her empty head

Fair And Square

One
thousand
poems

And I am
finally
done

This
battle is
now over

And my
war has
been won

(Originally Posted 29.02.2020)

28/02/2023 2

The Grief Counsellor

I know you don’t want to hear it

But you can’t run before you can walk

There is no way to beat it

So it’s best to just sit down and talk

Cheats Never Prosper

If there is one thing

I have learned

It’s that you cannot skip

The stages

Even if that means

Moving forward

Feels like it’s taking

Fucking ages

If you jump

Too far forward

You’ll only fall

Further back

And all you’re doing

Is storing your pain

For further

Down the track

(Originally Posted 23.01.2021)

23/01/2023 0

Sown Shut

You’re in a safe space here

She said

I’ve helped people like you before

The only reason that worked

She said

Is because they wanted to talk

The Rebuttal

You
know
nothing
about me

You
sanctimonious
cunt

Now fuck
off and
leave me
alone

(Originally Posted 15.11.2019)

15/11/2022 8

Self Improvement Isn’t Always Progress

I’ve really tried hard

These last few years

To become more authentic

But I fear in trying

To come out of hiding

I just look even more eccentric

‘Getting Away With It’

I’m
pretty
good
at it
now

Hiding
all
my
flaws

Thank
God
you
don’t
see

The
real
me

The
one
that’s
such a
fraud

(Originally Posted 09.11.2020)

09/11/2022 8

An Expensive Distraction

It’s been nearly three weeks now

That I’ve been off the booze

Choosing to cope instead

With the pain in my head

By getting some new tattoos

Therapy?

No
matter
what
the
guidelines
say

Or
how
many
braincells
may be
lost

I’ll
slay
my
dragons
my way,
thanks

And
live
with
whatever
the
cost

(Originally Posted 05.10.2020)

05/10/2022 8

Don’t Believe Everything You Read

I know it seems

Like I’m really evil

Always ranting and raving

And wishing ill on people

But, honestly, my poetry

Is just an outlet

I think you’d quite like me, actually,

If we ever met

Best Wishes

Enjoy
your
cake

You fat
fucking
snake

I hope
you
choke
and
die

Don’t
mind
me

As I
drink
my
tea

And
watch
the
world
go by

(Originally Posted 29.09.2020)

29/09/2022 6

Short Sleeves

Once, I thought

I had no choice

But my innermost feeling to hide

But now I know

That given room to grow

I can wear my scars with pride

Another Notch

A
little
nick
here

A
little
cut
there

It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore

Not
that
I’d
care…

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

19/09/2022 2

‘A Deal With God’

Modern medicine hasn’t helped

She said

No pill or therapy

Then you’ve done the right thing

It said

By coming to talk to me

Witchcraft

I thought
talking
would make
it easier

But if
anything
it’s made
it worse

It seems
there is
nothing
I can do

To rid
myself
of this
curse

(Originally Posted 18.09.2019)

18/09/2022 0

Buy Cheap Buy Twice

If only I had a pound

For each session that started like this

I wouldn’t need a whip-round

For a better therapist

On The Couch

What’s worrying you today,

He asks.

Everything,

I reply.

(Originally Posted 14.08.2020)

14/08/2022 8

(Not So) Positive Affirmations

You should stop the negative self talk

He said

And just give yourself a break

I’m not sure if that’s possible

She said

With the destruction I’ve left in my wake

Adjourned

Those
words
you
spoke
so softly

Are
etched
upon
my
brain

A
reminder
of
how
I really
did

Fuck
things
up
again

(Originally Posted 05.07.2020)

05/07/2022 0

The Cliché Continues

So I’m hearing you say you feel empty

He said

Could you expand further on this

Haven’t you heard enough

She said

To put an end to this bullshit

Such A Cliché

I don’t
know if
you’re
aware

She
said

But
I’ve
been
feeling
rather
down

Let me
fetch my
notebook

He
said

Reaching
forward
with a
frown

(Originally Posted 26.05.2020)

26/05/2022 10

It’s Not Rocket Science

You should start a diary

He said

And we can talk it through next week

I’ve been keeping one for years

She said

If you’d like to sneak a peek

‘What’s Good For The Goose…’

Just write it down

He said

How hard can it be

But he had never encountered

Someone as fucked up as me

(Originally Posted 25.04.2020)

25/04/2022 2

Relieved

The scars I carry

Across my body

May well be off the chart

But now I focus

On pulling myself together

Instead of tearing myself apart

Relief

As I
open
up my
scars

The
blood
flows
once
more

As I
begin
to see
stars

I fall,
sated,
to the
floor

(Originally Posted 03.04.2020)

03/04/2022 13

Learning The Hard Way

I remember the inspiration

For this one

It was based on

A session I’d had

With a particularly

Shitty therapist

Back when I

Was clinically mad

He said my struggles

Were my own fault

And to get better

I ‘must try harder’

Yet I was the one

Who apologised to him

Like I was forced to

With my father

I’ve realised since

That I’d been conditioned

To seek out

The approval of men

To say sorry

For my shortcomings

To promise never

To do it again

But I

Am getting older now

And I can feel

The strength in myself

So all those men

Who have fucked me over

Can go and rot

In hell

Must Try Harder

You must try harder, he says

Harder to smile

Harder to laugh

Harder to forgive

Harder to forget

Harder to live again

Harder to love again

You must try harder, he says

I can’t, she whispers

I’m sorry

(Originally Posted 24.03.2019)

24/03/2022 21

Someone’s Hero Somewhere

I am still amazed

To this day

That anyone continues reading

Who knew there could be

Such a community

For those with hearts that are bleeding

Nobody’s Hero

Please
take no
notice
of me

For I’m
as fucked
as anyone
can be

So don’t
let what
I write
enthrall

As they
are just
words,
after all

(Originally Posted 16.03.2020)

16/03/2022 23

#17 The Therapist

Come sit in the comfy chair

And I’ll tell you why you’re ill

We’ve got all night

To spend speaking shite

When your insurance is footing the bill

08/09/2021 10

Settle In

Tell me all about your life

He said

And what has happened to you

You’ll need to give me a minute

She said

To think all this shit through

05/08/2021 22

L’appel du Vide

I knew from the beginning

He said

Within you there was a spark

Writing is now a passion

She said

With misery my trademark

31/07/2021 31

‘You Should Have Come In Sooner’

If only I could tell you

But you wouldn’t understand

I don’t know how to open up

Or even if I can

Sharing how I feel with you

Would be difficult at best

So I will just keep trudging on

With my cards close to my chest

20/07/2021 21

Grounding

Thanks for talking to me

He said

I hope it was of some worth

Thank you for listening

She said

It brought me back to earth

15/07/2021 14

From Under The Bed

Just because you didn’t hear it

She said

Doesn’t mean it didn’t speak

I think perhaps you should discuss it

He said

With your psychiatrist next week

21/06/2021 24

Gains & Losses

52,806 words

Who knew death could be so productive?

22/05/2021 24

Tumbleweeds

How long is normal

To feel empty inside

Because I still do

Ever since he died

30/04/2021 29

Putting Pen To Paper

I know it’s not

For the faint of heart

But it helps me

Every day

So just deal with it

Or not

As I’m not arsed

Either way

I cry a lot more now

Even at the silliest thing

My therapist says it’s better

Than trying to keep it all in

02/03/2021 22

Rent Free

You’ve now outstayed a welcome

That you were never fucking given

So if you would kindly

Piss off please

I can get back to living

01/03/2021 2

Less Bitter, Yet Still Perplexed

I used to be quite angry

But now I just feel numb

It’s not what you’ve said

That’s messed with my head

But everything else you’ve done

01/03/2021 2

Sometimes

Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.

Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain, 
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.

Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth, 
stories flow like vintage wine, 
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.

Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head, 
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed, 
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)

27/02/2021 15

The Noose Tightens

Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall

I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all

Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse

I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse

It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say

But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way

All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope

As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope

(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)

24/02/2021 24

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

When all the time

That rope’s still in the shed

24/02/2021 8

The Hangman

I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name

(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)

24/02/2021 12

Words

It's only when you have nothing
That you realise words are everything

Words make your mind break
Words make your soul ache

Words incite you to roar
Words inspire you to soar

It's only when you have nothing
That you realise words are everything

I have nothing
But my words

(Originally Posted 16.03.2019)