52,806 words
Who knew death could be so productive?
Tumbleweeds
How long is normal
To feel empty inside
Because I still do
Ever since he died
Putting Pen To Paper
I know it’s not
For the faint of heart
But it helps me
Every day
So just deal with it
Or not
As I’m not arsed
Either way
All Is Not Well
Words spill
Onto the page
Just like the blood
From my veins
Running Scared
In case you don’t come back
He said
You did really well today
Thank you very much
She said
But I don’t believe a word you say
The Expert
You just have to remember
He said
You can’t pour from an empty cup
Well mine is smashed to smithereens
She said
So how the fuck do I fill it up?
Insurance
What is it going to take
He said
For you to open up to me?
Another bottle of wine for starters
She said
And a money back guarantee
Protection
Why don’t you tell him what happened
He said
Instead of just writing it down
Because I don’t want him to know
She said
I couldn’t bear to see his frown
Self Talk
If I don’t talk about myself negatively
She said
Then I’ve got nothing much to say
Well perhaps I can try to help you
He said
See yourself in a different way
Progress
I cry a lot more now
Even at the silliest thing
My therapist says it’s better
Than trying to keep it all in
Rent Free
You’ve now outstayed a welcome
That you were never fucking given
So if you would kindly
Piss off please
I can get back to living
Less Bitter, Yet Still Perplexed
I used to be quite angry
But now I just feel numb
It’s not what you’ve said
That’s messed with my head
But everything else you’ve done
Sometimes
Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.
Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain,
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.
Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth,
stories flow like vintage wine,
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.
Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head,
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed,
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.
(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)
The Noose Tightens
Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall
I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all
Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse
I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse
It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say
But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way
All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope
As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope
(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)
Try Harder Next Time
The monster who lives
Under my bed
Whispers again
Why aren’t you dead
Berating me
For writing instead
When all the time
That rope’s still in the shed
The Hangman
I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)
Words
It's only when you have nothing
That you realise words are everything
Words make your mind break
Words make your soul ache
Words incite you to roar
Words inspire you to soar
It's only when you have nothing
That you realise words are everything
I have nothing
But my words
(Originally Posted 16.03.2019)
Cutting
I scythe these words
Across the page
To allow my pain to flow
I find it leaves
Much less of a scar
Than other ways I know
0 – 15
I
wonder
what
you
think
of meNow
you
know my
vulnerabilityDo
you
care
for
what
you
seeOr
will
this
all end
predictably?
Therapy?
No
matter
what
the
guidelines
say
Or
how
many
braincells
may be
lost
I’ll
slay
my
dragons
my way
thanks
And
live
with
whatever
the
cost
On The Couch
What’s worrying you today,
He asks.
Everything,
I reply.
