Running Scared

In case you don’t come back

He said

You did really well today

Thank you very much

She said

But I don’t believe a word you say

The Expert

You just have to remember

He said

You can’t pour from an empty cup

Well mine is smashed to smithereens

She said

So how the fuck do I fill it up?

Insurance

What is it going to take

He said

For you to open up to me?

Another bottle of wine for starters

She said

And a money back guarantee

Protection

Why don’t you tell him what happened

He said

Instead of just writing it down

Because I don’t want him to know

She said

I couldn’t bear to see his frown

Self Talk

If I don’t talk about myself negatively

She said

Then I’ve got nothing much to say

Well perhaps I can try to help you

He said

See yourself in a different way

Progress

I cry a lot more now

Even at the silliest thing

My therapist says it’s better

Than trying to keep it all in

Rent Free

You’ve now outstayed a welcome

That you were never fucking given

So if you would kindly

Piss off please

I can get back to living

Sometimes

Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.

Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain, 
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.

Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth,
stories flow like vintage wine, 
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.

Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head,
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed, 
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)

The Noose Tightens

Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall

I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all

Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse

I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse

It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say

But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way

All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope

As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope

(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

When all the time

That rope’s still in the shed

The Hangman

I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name

(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)

Words

It's only when you have nothing
That you realise words are everything

Words make your mind break
Words make your soul ache

Words incite you to roar
Words inspire you to soar

It's only when you have nothing
That you realise words are everything

I have nothing
But my words

(Originally Posted 16.03.2019)

 

Cutting

I scythe these words

Across the page

To allow my pain to flow

I find it leaves

Much less of a scar

Than other ways I know

0 – 15

I
wonder
what
you
think
of me

Now
you
know my
vulnerability

Do
you
care
for
what
you
see

Or
will
this
all end
predictably?

Therapy?

No
matter
what
the
guidelines
say

Or
how
many
braincells
may be
lost

I’ll
slay
my
dragons
my way
thanks

And
live
with
whatever
the
cost

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