"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
There are things
About that day
That out loud
I’ll never say
It’s bad enough
They’re in my head
I don’t need
To hear them said
Pulling The Plug
You did
it on
purpose,
didn’t
you?
Don’t
worry,
it
didn’t
show.
But
I knew
you
had
decided
It
was
time
for you
to go.
Xxx
(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)
“No one else is carrying the aftermath trauma you have endured inside their body. They are not paying the concequences. They are not managing the recovery.
Therefore their opinions are secondary to any and all things that help you heal.”
– Nate Postlethwait via @mindful_tom
I know
That I’m not
Quite ready
Thoughts of him
Still rife
In my head
But if you
Come around
Happy to be
The rebound
Then I won’t kick you
Out of bed
Sometimes
I wonder
if there
was ever
a me
before
you
It is 3am now
And I’ve run out of gin
So you can either
Turn your music off
Or just invite me in
‘Memory only slumbers
It never dies’
– Unknown
Sometimes I wish I’d said yes
All those years ago
Perhaps if I had
It might well have gone bad
But at least now we’d know
I didn’t consider
Killing myself today
So that has to be a plus
I did, however,
Consider killing you
So there’s still issues
To discuss
I’m finally closing the curtains
In the windows of my mind
Another bleeding heart
With wisdom left to impart
You will have to find
‘…Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.’
– Henry IV Part II: Act III, Scene I
I prefer the night
To the day
The world, on the whole, is quieter
This way
Some find it easier to deify
Rules bestowed from up high
And trust in his miraculous plan
But I feel it wiser
To be your own advisor
Than rely on the thoughts of a man
I cry a lot more now
Even at the silliest thing
My therapist says it’s better
Than trying to keep it all in
I wonder what you’ll all say,
When I finally go away.
I wonder what you’ll all think,
When off into the shadows I slink.
I wonder if you’ll all stop and stare,
When you finally realise I’m no longer there.
(Originally Posted 25.06.2019)
I think that I forgot myself
Somewhere along the way
So not only have I lost you
I’ve got a whole life to replay
(Originally Posted 28.07. 2019)
Confusion reigns
As my head struggles to explain
What I feel inside my heartSadness remains
As with all encompassing pain
I hate that we have to part(Originally Posted 06.07.2019)
You have no idea
As you sit here
With your good humour and wit.
Now let me be clear
Kindly fuck off my dear
‘Cause honestly, you don’t know shit.
(Originally Posted 18.06.2019)
If nothing else
She said
I had my dreams
…
If only
I could
wrap my
thoughts
As
neatly
as my
presents
But
paper,
string and
glitter
bows
Don't
provide
an adequate
defence
Did it ever occur to you
That I didn’t want you to know
What would you have done anyway
Other than used it as ammo
In this ridiculous war against me
That you felt the need to wage
Well I’m glad I never said a word
And from your battle disengaged
Do
you
say
those
thingsTo
someone
elseNow
you
don’t
say
them
to me?Does
it
make
me
patheticMy
thoughts
so
freneticThat
these
things
still
bother
me?
‘When
you
try
your
best
but
you
don’t
succeed…’
Just
fucking
give
it up
then
Please
Will
there be
someone
else
for me
Or
will
I forever
remain
bereft?
For
all I’ve
felt is
numb
you see
Ever
since
the day
you
left
I post here twice a day
Not knowing who will read
Is anyone even interested?
Do my words fulfill a need?
Is there humour in my blog?
Or do you just find it sad?
Do I come across as normal?
Or do you think I’m mad?
I’m interested in what you think
I’d really love to know
So without fear of recrimination
Please comment your thoughts below
Goodbye,
See you later,
It’s such a shame
That you can’t stay.
Thank fuck you’re gone,
And now I’m alone,
As I never liked you
Anyway.
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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