Tag: trauma

Entering The Stream

A simple girl

With simple needs

Willing to wander

Through the weeds

Searching for something

True to find

While leaving all

Her doubts behind

3

A Shot In The Dark

Do you think

We connected

Because we’re

Both damaged

Inside

That,

Perhaps,

We only found

Each other

As we had

Nowhere left

To hide

2

Ghosts Of The Past

I think it’s unfair

To suggest

I use my childhood

As a shield

When, in fact,

It’s the way they act

That makes me

Unwilling

To yield

0

All Talked Out

Is it really

Any wonder

Why I no longer

Sleep with men

When all they’ve done

Is let me down

Time

And time again

5

Beautifully Ruined

For the first time

In a long time

I felt myself

Today

Full of lumps

Bruises and bumps

Yet I still took

My own breath away

2

Proof

These scars

Are the

Remainder

Of everything

You killed

So now

They’re my

Reminder

That I know

How to rebuild

5

Like Candy From A Baby

You seem to spend more time

Smiling

He said

Than you ever did

Before

I’ve just gotten better 

At hiding

She said

So you won’t ask me

Anymore

8

Shadows

They say

You are

No longer here

But I see you

Clear as day

I hear you

Talking

In your sleep

As I while

The hours away

They want me

To think

It can’t be true

That I’m mad

And must take

A pill

But I know you

Will never leave

And I am not

Mentally ill

4

I Remember

You cannot say

You didn’t know

Or that I wasn’t clear

When I said no

The fact that you

Were “just a kid”

Will never justify

What you did

4

Flimsy

It never ceases to amaze me

How quickly the tears can flow

At some moment of nostalgia

Or sentimental TV show

I guess it’s just indicative

Of how most days I can deal

But just beneath the surface

Lurks a trauma yet to heal

2

Not In Front Of The Kids

I hear you shout

Through the wall

And realise you don’t

Love her at all 

Then I see you fight

From my bed

And know you won’t stop

Until she’s dead

2

Silence Kills

I thought that you

Were telling the truth

When you said

You were here to help

Yet despite my decline

I realised in time

You were only ever out

For yourself

0

Another Kick In The Teeth

There was once a time

When I could go home

Shower

And wash myself clean

But now there’s no let up

No matter how hard I scrub

From the pain

My body has seen

5

Rewired

I used to be nice

I used to be kind

Then something happened

That changed my mind

Now I’m angry

Now I’m mean

With very little left

In-between

3

The Bad Apple

I’ll always be like this

She said

Of that I have no doubt

Because there isn’t enough goodness

She said

To drive the badness out

0

Groomed

Please don’t act

Like you asked

When you

Just fucking took it

There’s no hiding the fact

It wasn’t lawful contact

However

You fucking put it

0

A Bridge Too Far

I’m sorry

For all

The pain

I caused

For those

Emotions

That I

Withheld

You see

I did

Love you

Very much

I just didn’t

Love myself

6

Widows

We need support

When traumatised

Not to be attacked

Or demonised

Something we wish

That you’d realise

When losing them

Leaves us paralysed

4

Re-traumatisation Is Re-al

You can stop

Telling me

That it helps

To talk about

This shit

As you have

No notion

Of why

I’ve chosen

To keep

A lid on it

The Shrink

The
pain
is
buried
so
deep

She
said

I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
re-surface

Then
we
should
leave
it
where
it is

He
said

Breaking
your
heart
(again)
isn’t
worth
it

(Originally Posted 21.02.2020)

0

Traumatising

There are things

About that day

That out loud

I’ll never say

It’s bad enough

They’re in my head

I don’t need

To hear them said

Pulling The Plug

You did
it on
purpose,
didn’t
you?

Don’t
worry,
it
didn’t
show.

But
I knew
you
had
decided

It
was
time
for you
to go.

Xxx

(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)

0

It Doesn’t Take Much

My heart aches just

That little bit more

As I read this

With a sigh

Remembering the time

With your hand in mine

Crying

We said goodbye

Xxx

‘Everything Must Go’

Don’t
say
anything
else

He
said

Please,
just
hold
my
hand

I’ll
stay
until
we
reach

She
said

Our
line in
the
sand

(Originally Posted 07.02.2020)

2

You’ll Never Change

It’s been a long time

Since I’ve seen you

But don’t think I have forgotten

How truly rank

And repulsive you are

That even your insides are rotten

Grandiose

I’ll always
be the
better
person

But
there’s
no need
to sweat it

I will
always
be hanging
around

To make
sure you
don’t
forget it

(Originally Posted 26.11.2019)

2

Drained

As time goes on

It gets harder

Their behavior to excuse

I’ve drank so many toasts

To so many men now

That I’ve run out of booze

Liars

Let’s
all
raise
our
glasses

And
make a
drunken
toast

To all
those
cruel
bastards
out there

Who
claim
they
love us
the most

(Originally Posted 18.11.2019)

8

No God Will Save You Then

Whatever will they think of you

All your fans and acolytes

Because they will find out

All about

What you would do to us at night

Enjoy My Silence

I’ll
say
it was
my
fault

I’ll
take
all
the
blame

Just to
protect
you
and
yours

From
feeling
this
terrible
shame

But
don’t
think
it’ll
last

As
I won’t
stay
quiet
forever

One day
I will
tell
the
truth

And
all ties
they
will
sever

(Originally Posted 09.11.2019)

19

I’m Not Ashamed

That is how

It was back then

When I had no choice

But to rely on pills

One to find a way

To get through each day

And several more

To help me rebuild

Happy Pills

I think
we’ll
increase
your dose,

She
said,

To stop
you
feeling so
morose.

I’ll
easily
give it
a try,

I
said,

But I’m
pretty sure
the end
is nigh.

(Originally Posted 07.11.2019)

0

My Day In Court

You will do it

Again one day

Hurt someone else

In the same way

And when you do

I’ll be there to say

You deserve to hang

Without delay

Criminal

We all
do bad
things
sometimes

Yet not
everyone
is made
to pay

But while
you will
never
admit your
crimes

Just know
the truth
will out
one day

(Originally Posted 06.11.2019)

2

Accepting What I Cannot Change

If you’re talking about my arms

She said

Then the urge I could try to park

But if you mean my wit

She said

That’ll always be razor sharp

Spitting Distance

We
could
have
had
it
all

She
said

But
now
we’re
left
with
nothing

Maybe
we’d
have
been
okay

He
said

Had you
not been
so fucking
cutting

(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)

0

The Feeling

It started out quite innocently

When I was just a kid

I used to pull my hair out

To stop me flipping my lid

But then as I grew older

Things took a darker turn

A wee nick here

A wee cut there

Sometimes even a burn

It’s not something I’m proud of

Or something anyone should aspire to do

But I can’t deny

That down the line

It’s those things that got me through

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)

2

Small Mercies

I’m not sure

If it was the booze

Or all the tablets

I was taking

But, ultimately,

I was pretty lucky

To survive all my (bad)

Decision making

Drunk

Looking in
the mirror
gives me
a fright,

But I think
I had a
good time
last night.

I don’t
remember
much or how
I got home,

So thank
fuck I’ve
woken up
alone.

(Originally Posted 29.09.2019)

2

Heroic

I’ve never been easy company

People like me rarely are

But well done for persevering

For that you are a star

Misled

You say
it’s not me,
it’s you.

But
you’re
a liar,

And we
both know
that’s true.

(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)

2

‘Trouble Loves Me’

It would’ve saved a lot of time

She said

Had I walked away long ago

Oh please don’t kid yourself

She said

You’d still have lived a life of woe

‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’

If
someone
told me
then

How all
this
would
end

I’d pack
a bag
and run
away

And not
even
bother
to pretend

(Originally Posted 22.09.2020)

0

‘You Can’t Handle The Truth’

If you were to see

Who I am inside

You would simply run

Away and hide

It’s not as though

I have ever lied

But to quell the beast

I’ve always tried

Hidden

There’s
so much
of me

You
never
see

So many
things
I do

That are
hidden
from view

I know you
won’t believe
it’s true

But it’s
my way of
protecting you

(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)

0

Your Butterfly, Madame…

It’s better to have loved and lost

Than to never have loved at all

And it’s better to hide the knives,

I find,

To protect your abdominal wall

The Dagger

At
least
I don’t
feel pain
anymore

As my
insides
spill
to the
floor

(Originally Posted 04.09.2020)

6

Long Sleeves All Year Round

You can work through your issues

Until they’re no longer discernable

But it’s important to remember

Not all the results are reversible

The Sting

If
I had
never
gone
down
this
path

It
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath

(Originally Posted 19.08.2020)

2

At The End Of The Day

I hope never again

To find myself

Walking along this path

I’ve been through such a lot

That I’m pretty much shot

So I doubt I would make it back

Depression (Part 2)

Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink a shit load of booze

Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore

Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed

Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known

(Originally Posted 15.07.2019)

0

Switching Off The Machine

I had forgotten

Ever writing this

But reading it now

It’s so clear to see

Why the overwhelming trauma

I endured that morning

Will never leave

My memory

Sigh

Sorry
it must
end
this way

She
said

But
I need
to let
you go

Please
don’t
forget
what we
had

He
said

Or
how
I loved
you
so

(Originally Posted 07.07.2020)

7

At His Hands

Sometimes

The words I use

Are not deliberately explicit

Sometimes

The words I choose

Are inherently implicit

Overpowered

It is
not
only
my
heart
that
bleeds

As
you
take
care
of
your
own
needs

(Originally Posted 18.05.2020)

6

I Blame The Parents

The simple things in life

It seems

Are not for the likes of me

All I feel I deserve

It seems

Is pain and misery

Arcadia

Here
I am
again

Sitting
all
alone

I don’t
like this
anymore

I just
want to
go home

(Originally Posted 09.05.2020)

0

A Healthy Slice

Upon my skin

Those scars abound

A better release

I’ve never found

Precision

Just be
careful
not to
slip

Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip

For you
do not want
them to
see

Just how
messed
up you
can be

(Originally Posted 27.04.2020)

10

Through Green Eyes

You have it all

In comparison to me

This has always been true

It’s why I’ll never be

Anything more

Than infinitely jealous of you

Lucky You

My head hurts,
Does yours?

My heart cries,
Does yours?

My body aches,
Does yours?

My soul dies,
Does yours?

How can it?

Your head
is as pretty
as a picture.

Your heart
is full
to bursting.

Your body
is as perfect
as a model,

And your soul
flies like an eagle
soaring high above
the rocky plains.

Lucky you.

(Originally Posted 26.04.2019)

8

Overrated

Please do not look upon me

With your pity and dismay

For this last few years

Have taught me

Feelings aren’t shit anyway

Blackout

I
don’t
want
to feel
better

I
don’t
want
to feel
at all

(Originally Posted 21.04.2020)

3

Best Laid Plans

Life will never be linear

He said

The path won’t always be straight

The trick is to just hold on

He said

And try your best to navigate

Trauma

But
you
were
doing
so well

He
said

I
don’t
quite
understand

Coming
back
from
hell

She
said

Doesn’t
always
go to
plan

(Originally Posted 20.04.2020)

5

‘Modern Life Is Rubbish’

Now

I am just

Still

Every Day

Still hoping,
Still waiting,
Still holding,
Still wanting.

Still thinking,
Still grieving,
Still trying,
Still giving.

Still caring,
Still feeling,
Still crying,
Still fighting.

Still breathing,
Still living,
Still believing,
Still loving.

(Originally Posted 17.04.2019)

9

The Firing Line

Dodging bullets

Since 1980

And showing no signs of stopping

The Loaded Gun

Time marches on
As I come undone
And my memories fade further away.

I try to hold on,
To ignore the gun
And trudge through yet another day.

(Originally Posted 16.04.2019)

4

Learning To Trust

It must be

The child in me

That tests people like I do

But if you could see

What happened to me

Then you’d be wary of people too

Friendship

Every time I make you laugh another part of me dies inside.

For you can never be the one to whom I can confide.

It’s my own fault, I know too well, as I should not try to pretend.

But if you could see past my facade, you’d make a cracking friend.

(Originally Posted 02.04.2019)

9

Learning The Hard Way

I remember the inspiration

For this one

It was based on

A session I’d had

With a particularly

Shitty therapist

Back when I

Was clinically mad

He said my struggles

Were my own fault

And to get better

I ‘must try harder’

Yet I was the one

Who apologised to him

Like I was forced to

With my father

I’ve realised since

That I’d been conditioned

To seek out

The approval of men

To say sorry

For my shortcomings

To promise never

To do it again

But I

Am getting older now

And I can feel

The strength in myself

So all those men

Who have fucked me over

Can go and rot

In hell

Must Try Harder

You must try harder, he says

Harder to smile

Harder to laugh

Harder to forgive

Harder to forget

Harder to live again

Harder to love again

You must try harder, he says

I can’t, she whispers

I’m sorry

(Originally Posted 24.03.2019)

21

Random #172

“No one else is carrying the aftermath trauma you have endured inside their body. They are not paying the concequences. They are not managing the recovery.

Therefore their opinions are secondary to any and all things that help you heal.”

– Nate Postlethwait via @mindful_tom

8

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