“I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.”
– Meredith Grey
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
“I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.”
– Meredith Grey
You can stop
Telling me
That it helps
To talk about
This shit
As you have
No notion
Of why
I’ve chosen
To keep
A lid on it
The Shrink
The
pain
is
buried
so
deep
She
said
I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
re-surface
Then
we
should
leave
it
where
it is
He
said
Breaking
your
heart
(again)
isn’t
worth
it
(Originally Posted 21.02.2020)
There are things
About that day
That out loud
I’ll never say
It’s bad enough
They’re in my head
I don’t need
To hear them said
Pulling The Plug
You did
it on
purpose,
didn’t
you?
Don’t
worry,
it
didn’t
show.
But
I knew
you
had
decided
It
was
time
for you
to go.
Xxx
(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)
My heart aches just
That little bit more
As I read this
With a sigh
Remembering the time
With your hand in mine
Crying
We said goodbye
Xxx
‘Everything Must Go’
Don’t
say
anything
else
He
said
Please,
just
hold
my
hand
I’ll
stay
until
we
reach
She
said
Our
line in
the
sand
(Originally Posted 07.02.2020)
It’s been a long time
Since I’ve seen you
But don’t think I have forgotten
How truly rank
And repulsive you are
That even your insides are rotten
Grandiose
I’ll always
be the
better
person
But
there’s
no need
to sweat it
I will
always
be hanging
around
To make
sure you
don’t
forget it
(Originally Posted 26.11.2019)
As time goes on
It gets harder
Their behavior to excuse
I’ve drank so many toasts
To so many men now
That I’ve run out of booze
Liars
Let’s
all
raise
our
glasses
And
make a
drunken
toast
To all
those
cruel
bastards
out there
Who
claim
they
love us
the most
(Originally Posted 18.11.2019)
Whatever will they think of you
All your fans and acolytes
Because they will find out
All about
What you would do to us at night
Enjoy My Silence
I’ll
say
it was
my
fault
I’ll
take
all
the
blame
Just to
protect
you
and
yours
From
feeling
this
terrible
shame
But
don’t
think
it’ll
last
As
I won’t
stay
quiet
forever
One day
I will
tell
the
truth
And
all ties
they
will
sever
(Originally Posted 09.11.2019)
That is how
It was back then
When I had no choice
But to rely on pills
One to find a way
To get through each day
And several more
To help me rebuild
Happy Pills
I think
we’ll
increase
your dose,
She
said,
To stop
you
feeling so
morose.
I’ll
easily
give it
a try,
I
said,
But I’m
pretty sure
the end
is nigh.
(Originally Posted 07.11.2019)
You will do it
Again one day
Hurt someone else
In the same way
And when you do
I’ll be there to say
You deserve to hang
Without delay
Criminal
We all
do bad
things
sometimes
Yet not
everyone
is made
to pay
But while
you will
never
admit your
crimes
Just know
the truth
will out
one day
(Originally Posted 06.11.2019)
If you’re talking about my arms
She said
Then the urge I could try to park
But if you mean my wit
She said
That’ll always be razor sharp
Spitting Distance
We
could
have
had
it
all
She
said
But
now
we’re
left
with
nothing
Maybe
we’d
have
been
okay
He
said
Had you
not been
so fucking
cutting
(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)
It started out quite innocently
When I was just a kid
I used to pull my hair out
To stop me flipping my lid
But then as I grew older
Things took a darker turn
A wee nick here
A wee cut there
Sometimes even a burn
It’s not something I’m proud of
Or something anyone should aspire to do
But I can’t deny
That down the line
It’s those things that got me through
Thoughts #4
Sliced wide open again
For all the world to see
If only there was
Another way
To let the poison free
(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)
I’m not sure
If it was the booze
Or all the tablets
I was taking
But, ultimately,
I was pretty lucky
To survive all my (bad)
Decision making
Drunk
Looking in
the mirror
gives me
a fright,
But I think
I had a
good time
last night.
I don’t
remember
much or how
I got home,
So thank
fuck I’ve
woken up
alone.
(Originally Posted 29.09.2019)
I’ve never been easy company
People like me rarely are
But well done for persevering
For that you are a star
Misled
You say
it’s not me,
it’s you.
But
you’re
a liar,
And we
both know
that’s true.
(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)
It would’ve saved a lot of time
She said
Had I walked away long ago
Oh please don’t kid yourself
She said
You’d still have lived a life of woe
‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’
If
someone
told me
then
How all
this
would
end
I’d pack
a bag
and run
away
And not
even
bother
to pretend
(Originally Posted 22.09.2020)
If you were to see
Who I am inside
You would simply run
Away and hide
It’s not as though
I have ever lied
But to quell the beast
I’ve always tried
Hidden
There’s
so much
of me
You
never
see
So many
things
I do
That are
hidden
from view
I know you
won’t believe
it’s true
But it’s
my way of
protecting you
(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)
It’s better to have loved and lost
Than to never have loved at all
And it’s better to hide the knives,
I find,
To protect your abdominal wall
The Dagger
At
least
I don’t
feel pain
anymore
As my
insides
spill
to the
floor
(Originally Posted 04.09.2020)
You can work through your issues
Until they’re no longer discernable
But it’s important to remember
Not all the results are reversible
The Sting
If
I had
never
gone
down
this
path
It
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath
(Originally Posted 19.08.2020)
I hope never again
To find myself
Walking along this path
I’ve been through such a lot
That I’m pretty much shot
So I doubt I would make it back
Depression (Part 2)
Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink a shit load of booze
Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore
Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed
Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known
(Originally Posted 15.07.2019)
I had forgotten
Ever writing this
But reading it now
It’s so clear to see
Why the overwhelming trauma
I endured that morning
Will never leave
My memory
Sigh
Sorry
it must
end
this way
She
said
But
I need
to let
you go
Please
don’t
forget
what we
had
He
said
Or
how
I loved
you
so
(Originally Posted 07.07.2020)
Sometimes
The words I use
Are not deliberately explicit
Sometimes
The words I choose
Are inherently implicit
Overpowered
It is
not
only
my
heart
that
bleeds
As
you
take
care
of
your
own
needs
(Originally Posted 18.05.2020)
The simple things in life
It seems
Are not for the likes of me
All I feel I deserve
It seems
Is pain and misery
Arcadia
Here
I am
again
Sitting
all
alone
I don’t
like this
anymore
I just
want to
go home
(Originally Posted 09.05.2020)
Upon my skin
Those scars abound
A better release
I’ve never found
Precision
Just be
careful
not to
slip
Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip
For you
do not want
them to
see
Just how
messed
up you
can be
(Originally Posted 27.04.2020)
You have it all
In comparison to me
This has always been true
It’s why I’ll never be
Anything more
Than infinitely jealous of you
Lucky You
My head hurts,
Does yours?
My heart cries,
Does yours?
My body aches,
Does yours?
My soul dies,
Does yours?
How can it?
Your head
is as pretty
as a picture.
Your heart
is full
to bursting.
Your body
is as perfect
as a model,
And your soul
flies like an eagle
soaring high above
the rocky plains.
Lucky you.
(Originally Posted 26.04.2019)
Please do not look upon me
With your pity and dismay
For this last few years
Have taught me
Feelings aren’t shit anyway
Blackout
I
don’t
want
to feel
better
I
don’t
want
to feel
at all
(Originally Posted 21.04.2020)
Life will never be linear
He said
The path won’t always be straight
The trick is to just hold on
He said
And try your best to navigate
Trauma
But
you
were
doing
so well
He
said
I
don’t
quite
understand
Coming
back
from
hell
She
said
Doesn’t
always
go to
plan
(Originally Posted 20.04.2020)
Now
I am just
Still
Every Day
Still hoping,
Still waiting,
Still holding,
Still wanting.
Still thinking,
Still grieving,
Still trying,
Still giving.
Still caring,
Still feeling,
Still crying,
Still fighting.
Still breathing,
Still living,
Still believing,
Still loving.
(Originally Posted 17.04.2019)
Dodging bullets
Since 1980
And showing no signs of stopping
The Loaded Gun
Time marches on
As I come undone
And my memories fade further away.
I try to hold on,
To ignore the gun
And trudge through yet another day.
(Originally Posted 16.04.2019)
It must be
The child in me
That tests people like I do
But if you could see
What happened to me
Then you’d be wary of people too
Friendship
Every time I make you laugh another part of me dies inside.
For you can never be the one to whom I can confide.
It’s my own fault, I know too well, as I should not try to pretend.
But if you could see past my facade, you’d make a cracking friend.
(Originally Posted 02.04.2019)
I remember the inspiration
For this one
It was based on
A session I’d had
With a particularly
Shitty therapist
Back when I
Was clinically mad
He said my struggles
Were my own fault
And to get better
I ‘must try harder’
Yet I was the one
Who apologised to him
Like I was forced to
With my father
I’ve realised since
That I’d been conditioned
To seek out
The approval of men
To say sorry
For my shortcomings
To promise never
To do it again
But I
Am getting older now
And I can feel
The strength in myself
So all those men
Who have fucked me over
Can go and rot
In hell
Must Try Harder
You must try harder, he says
Harder to smile
Harder to laugh
Harder to forgive
Harder to forget
Harder to live again
Harder to love again
You must try harder, he says
I can’t, she whispers
I’m sorry
(Originally Posted 24.03.2019)
“No one else is carrying the aftermath trauma you have endured inside their body. They are not paying the concequences. They are not managing the recovery.
Therefore their opinions are secondary to any and all things that help you heal.”
– Nate Postlethwait via @mindful_tom
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