Tag: trauma

You’ll Never Change

It’s been a long time

Since I’ve seen you

But don’t think I have forgotten

How truly rank

And repulsive you are

That even your insides are rotten

Grandiose

I’ll always
be the
better
person

But
there’s
no need
to sweat it

I will
always
be hanging
around

To make
sure you
don’t
forget it

(Originally Posted 26.11.2019)

2

Drained

As time goes on

It gets harder

Their behavior to excuse

I’ve drank so many toasts

To so many men now

That I’ve run out of booze

Liars

Let’s
all
raise
our
glasses

And
make a
drunken
toast

To all
those
cruel
bastards
out there

Who
claim
they
love us
the most

(Originally Posted 18.11.2019)

8

No God Will Save You Then

Whatever will they think of you

All your fans and acolytes

Because they will find out

All about

What you would do to us at night

Enjoy My Silence

I’ll
say
it was
my
fault

I’ll
take
all
the
blame

Just to
protect
you
and
yours

From
feeling
this
terrible
shame

But
don’t
think
it’ll
last

As
I won’t
stay
quiet
forever

One day
I will
tell
the
truth

And
all ties
they
will
sever

(Originally Posted 09.11.2019)

19

I’m Not Ashamed

That is how

It was back then

When I had no choice

But to rely on pills

One to find a way

To get through each day

And several more

To help me rebuild

Happy Pills

I think
we’ll
increase
your dose,

She
said,

To stop
you
feeling so
morose.

I’ll
easily
give it
a try,

I
said,

But I’m
pretty sure
the end
is nigh.

(Originally Posted 07.11.2019)

0

My Day In Court

You will do it

Again one day

Hurt someone else

In the same way

And when you do

I’ll be there to say

You deserve to hang

Without delay

Criminal

We all
do bad
things
sometimes

Yet not
everyone
is made
to pay

But while
you will
never
admit your
crimes

Just know
the truth
will out
one day

(Originally Posted 06.11.2019)

2

Accepting What I Cannot Change

If you’re talking about my arms

She said

Then the urge I could try to park

But if you mean my wit

She said

That’ll always be razor sharp

Spitting Distance

We
could
have
had
it
all

She
said

But
now
we’re
left
with
nothing

Maybe
we’d
have
been
okay

He
said

Had you
not been
so fucking
cutting

(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)

0

The Feeling

It started out quite innocently

When I was just a kid

I used to pull my hair out

To stop me flipping my lid

But then as I grew older

Things took a darker turn

A wee nick here

A wee cut there

Sometimes even a burn

It’s not something I’m proud of

Or something anyone should aspire to do

But I can’t deny

That down the line

It’s those things that got me through

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)

2

Small Mercies

I’m not sure

If it was the booze

Or all the tablets

I was taking

But, ultimately,

I was pretty lucky

To survive all my (bad)

Decision making

Drunk

Looking in
the mirror
gives me
a fright,

But I think
I had a
good time
last night.

I don’t
remember
much or how
I got home,

So thank
fuck I’ve
woken up
alone.

(Originally Posted 29.09.2019)

2

Heroic

I’ve never been easy company

People like me rarely are

But well done for persevering

For that you are a star

Misled

You say
it’s not me,
it’s you.

But
you’re
a liar,

And we
both know
that’s true.

(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)

2

‘Trouble Loves Me’

It would’ve saved a lot of time

She said

Had I walked away long ago

Oh please don’t kid yourself

She said

You’d still have lived a life of woe

‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’

If
someone
told me
then

How all
this
would
end

I’d pack
a bag
and run
away

And not
even
bother
to pretend

(Originally Posted 22.09.2020)

0

‘You Can’t Handle The Truth’

If you were to see

Who I am inside

You would simply run

Away and hide

It’s not as though

I have ever lied

But to quell the beast

I’ve always tried

Hidden

There’s
so much
of me

You
never
see

So many
things
I do

That are
hidden
from view

I know you
won’t believe
it’s true

But it’s
my way of
protecting you

(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)

0

Your Butterfly, Madame…

It’s better to have loved and lost

Than to never have loved at all

And it’s better to hide the knives,

I find,

To protect your abdominal wall

The Dagger

At
least
I don’t
feel pain
anymore

As my
insides
spill
to the
floor

(Originally Posted 04.09.2020)

6

Long Sleeves All Year Round

You can work through your issues

Until they’re no longer discernable

But it’s important to remember

Not all the results are reversible

The Sting

If
I had
never
gone
down
this
path

It
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath

(Originally Posted 19.08.2020)

2

At The End Of The Day

I hope never again

To find myself

Walking along this path

I’ve been through such a lot

That I’m pretty much shot

So I doubt I would make it back

Depression (Part 2)

Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink a shit load of booze

Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore

Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed

Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known

(Originally Posted 15.07.2019)

0

Switching Off The Machine

I had forgotten

Ever writing this

But reading it now

It’s so clear to see

Why the overwhelming trauma

I endured that morning

Will never leave

My memory

Sigh

Sorry
it must
end
this way

She
said

But
I need
to let
you go

Please
don’t
forget
what we
had

He
said

Or
how
I loved
you
so

(Originally Posted 07.07.2020)

7

At His Hands

Sometimes

The words I use

Are not deliberately explicit

Sometimes

The words I choose

Are inherently implicit

Overpowered

It is
not
only
my
heart
that
bleeds

As
you
take
care
of
your
own
needs

(Originally Posted 18.05.2020)

6

I Blame The Parents

The simple things in life

It seems

Are not for the likes of me

All I feel I deserve

It seems

Is pain and misery

Arcadia

Here
I am
again

Sitting
all
alone

I don’t
like this
anymore

I just
want to
go home

(Originally Posted 09.05.2020)

0

A Healthy Slice

Upon my skin

Those scars abound

A better release

I’ve never found

Precision

Just be
careful
not to
slip

Not one
ounce of
blood to
drip

For you
do not want
them to
see

Just how
messed
up you
can be

(Originally Posted 27.04.2020)

10

Through Green Eyes

You have it all

In comparison to me

This has always been true

It’s why I’ll never be

Anything more

Than infinitely jealous of you

Lucky You

My head hurts,
Does yours?

My heart cries,
Does yours?

My body aches,
Does yours?

My soul dies,
Does yours?

How can it?

Your head
is as pretty
as a picture.

Your heart
is full
to bursting.

Your body
is as perfect
as a model,

And your soul
flies like an eagle
soaring high above
the rocky plains.

Lucky you.

(Originally Posted 26.04.2019)

8

Overrated

Please do not look upon me

With your pity and dismay

For this last few years

Have taught me

Feelings aren’t shit anyway

Blackout

I
don’t
want
to feel
better

I
don’t
want
to feel
at all

(Originally Posted 21.04.2020)

3

Best Laid Plans

Life will never be linear

He said

The path won’t always be straight

The trick is to just hold on

He said

And try your best to navigate

Trauma

But
you
were
doing
so well

He
said

I
don’t
quite
understand

Coming
back
from
hell

She
said

Doesn’t
always
go to
plan

(Originally Posted 20.04.2020)

5

‘Modern Life Is Rubbish’

Now

I am just

Still

Every Day

Still hoping,
Still waiting,
Still holding,
Still wanting.

Still thinking,
Still grieving,
Still trying,
Still giving.

Still caring,
Still feeling,
Still crying,
Still fighting.

Still breathing,
Still living,
Still believing,
Still loving.

(Originally Posted 17.04.2019)

9

The Firing Line

Dodging bullets

Since 1980

And showing no signs of stopping

The Loaded Gun

Time marches on
As I come undone
And my memories fade further away.

I try to hold on,
To ignore the gun
And trudge through yet another day.

(Originally Posted 16.04.2019)

4

Learning To Trust

It must be

The child in me

That tests people like I do

But if you could see

What happened to me

Then you’d be wary of people too

Friendship

Every time I make you laugh another part of me dies inside.

For you can never be the one to whom I can confide.

It’s my own fault, I know too well, as I should not try to pretend.

But if you could see past my facade, you’d make a cracking friend.

(Originally Posted 02.04.2019)

9

Learning The Hard Way

I remember the inspiration

For this one

It was based on

A session I’d had

With a particularly

Shitty therapist

Back when I

Was clinically mad

He said my struggles

Were my own fault

And to get better

I ‘must try harder’

Yet I was the one

Who apologised to him

Like I was forced to

With my father

I’ve realised since

That I’d been conditioned

To seek out

The approval of men

To say sorry

For my shortcomings

To promise never

To do it again

But I

Am getting older now

And I can feel

The strength in myself

So all those men

Who have fucked me over

Can go and rot

In hell

Must Try Harder

You must try harder, he says

Harder to smile

Harder to laugh

Harder to forgive

Harder to forget

Harder to live again

Harder to love again

You must try harder, he says

I can’t, she whispers

I’m sorry

(Originally Posted 24.03.2019)

21

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